CHAPTER XV.

MR WHITTLESTAFF GOES OUT TO DINNER.

This would be her last opportunity. So Mary told herself as she got

out of the carriage at Mr Hall's front door. It was made manifest to

her by such a speech that he did not expect that she should do so,

but looked upon her doing so as within the verge of possibility. She

could still do it, and yet not encounter his disgust or his horror.

How terrible was the importance to herself, and, as she believed, to

the other man also. Was she not justified in so thinking? Mr Gordon

had come home, travelling a great distance, at much risk to his

property, at great loss of time, through infinite trouble and danger,

merely to ask her to be his wife. Had a letter reached her from him

but a week ago bidding her to come, would she not have gone through

all the danger and all the trouble? How willingly would she have

gone! It was the one thing that she desired; and, as far as she could

understand the signs which he had given, it was the one, one thing

which he desired. He had made his appeal to that other man, and, as

far as she could understand the signs which had reached her, had been

referred with confidence to her decision. Now she was told that the

chance of changing her mind was still in her power.

The matter was one of terrible importance; but was its importance

to Mr Whittlestaff as great as to John Gordon? She put herself

altogether out of the question. She acknowledged to herself, with a

false humility, that she was nobody;--she was a poor woman living on

charity, and was not to be thought of when the position of these two

men was taken into consideration. It chanced that they both wanted

her. Which wanted the most? Which of the two would want her for the

longest? To which would her services be of the greater avail in

assisting him to his happiness. Could there be a doubt? Was it not

in human nature that she should bind herself to the younger man, and

with him go through the world, whether safely or in danger?

But though she had had time to allow these questions to pass through

her mind between the utterance of Mr Whittlestaff's words and her

entrance into Mr Hall's drawing-room, she did not in truth doubt.

She knew that she had made up her mind on the matter. Mr Gordon

would in all probability have no opportunity of saying another word

to her. But let him say what word he might, it should be in vain.

Nothing that he could say, nothing that she could say, would avail

anything. If this other man would release her,--then indeed she would

be released. But there was no chance of such release coming. In

truth, Mary did not know how near the chance was to her;--or rather,

how near the chance had been. He had now positively made up his mind,

and would say not a word further unless she asked him. If Mary said

nothing to John Gordon on this evening, he would take an opportunity

before they left the house to inform Mr Hall of his intended

marriage. When once the word should have passed his mouth, he could

not live under the stigma of a second Catherine Bailey.

"Miss Lawrie, pray let me make you known to my intended." This came

from Mr Montagu Blake, who felt himself to be justified by his

peculiar circumstances in so far taking upon himself the work of

introducing the guests in Mr Hall's house. "Of course, you've heard

all about it. I am the happiest young man in Hampshire,--and she is

the next."

"Speak for yourself, Montagu. I am not a young man at all."

"You're a young man's darling, which is the next thing to it."

"How are you, Whittlestaff?" said Mr Hall. "Wonderful weather, isn't

it? I'm told that you've been in trouble about that drunken husband

which plagues the life out of that respectable housekeeper of yours."

"He is a trouble; but if he is bad to me, how much worse must he be

to her?"

"That's true. He must be very bad, I should think. Miss Mary, why

don't you come over this fine weather, and have tea with my girls and

Kattie Forrester in the woods? You should take your chance while you

have a young man willing to wait upon you."

"I shall be quite delighted," said Blake, "and so will John Gordon."

"Only that I shall be in London this time to-morrow," said Gordon.

"That's nonsense. You are not going to Kimberley all at once. The

young ladies expect you to bring out a lot of diamonds and show them

before you start. Have you seen his diamonds, Miss Lawrie?"

"Indeed no," said Mary.

"I think I should have asked just to see them," said Evelina Hall.

Why should they join her name with his in this uncivil manner, or

suppose that she had any special power to induce him to show his

treasures.

"When you first find a diamond," said Mr Hall, "what do you do with

it? Do you ring a bell and call together your friends, and begin to

rejoice."

"No, indeed. The diamond is generally washed out of the mud by some

nigger, and we have to look very sharp after him to see that he

doesn't hide it under his toe-nails. It's not a very romantic kind of

business from first to last."

"Only profitable," said the curate.

"That's as may be. It is subject to greater losses than the preaching

of sermons."

"I should like to go out and see it all," said Miss Hall, looking

into Miss Lawrie's face. This also appeared to Mary to be

ill-natured.

Then the butler announced the dinner, and they all followed Mr Hall

and the curate's bride out of one room into the other. "This young

lady," said he, "is supposed to be in the ascendant just at the

present moment. She can't be married above two or three times at the

most. I say this to excuse myself to Miss Lawrie, who ought perhaps

to have the post of honour." To this some joking reply was made,

and they all sat down to their dinner. Miss Lawrie was at Mr Hall's

left hand, and at her left hand John Gordon was seated. Mary could

perceive that everything was arranged so as to throw herself and John

Gordon together,--as though they had some special interest in each

other. Of all this Mr Whittlestaff saw nothing. But John Gordon did

perceive something, and told himself that that ass Blake had been at

work. But his perceptions in the matter were not half as sharp as

those of Mary Lawrie.

"I used to be very fond of your father, Gordon," said Mr Hall, when

the dinner was half over. "It's all done and gone now. Dear, dear,

dear!"

"He was an unfortunate man, and perhaps expected too much from his

friends."

"I am very glad to see his son here, at any rate. I wish you were not

going to settle down so far away from us."

"Kimberley is a long way off."

"Yes, indeed; and when a fellow gets out there he is apt to stay, I

suppose."

"I shall do so, probably. I have nobody near enough to me here at

home to make it likely that I shall come back."

"You have uncles and aunts?" said Mr Hall.

"One uncle and two aunts. I shall suit their views and my cousins'

better by sending home some diamonds than by coming myself."

"How long will that take?" asked Mr Hall. The conversation was kept

up solely between Mr Hall and John Gordon. Mr Whittlestaff took no

share in it unless when he was asked a question, and the four girls

kept up a whisper with Miss Forrester and Montagu Blake.

"I have a share in rather a good thing," said Gordon; "and if I could

get out of it so as to realise my property, I think that six months

might suffice."

"Oh, dear! Then we may have you back again before the year's out?"

Mr Whittlestaff looked up at this, as though apprised that the

danger was not yet over. But he reflected that before twelve months

were gone he would certainly have made Mary Lawrie his wife.

"Kimberley is not a very alluring place," said John Gordon. "I don't

know any spot on God's earth that I should be less likely to choose

as my abiding resting-place."

"Except for the diamonds."

"Except for the diamonds, as you remark. And therefore when a man has

got his fill of diamonds, he is likely to leave."

"His fill of diamonds!" said Augusta Hall.

"Shouldn't you like to try your fill of diamonds?" asked Blake.

"Not at all," said Evelina. "I'd rather have strawberries and cream."

"I think I should like diamonds best," said Mary. Whereupon Evelina

suggested that her younger sister was a greedy little creature.

"As soon as you've got your fill of diamonds, which won't take

more than six months longer," suggested Mr Hall, "you'll come back

again?"

"Not exactly. I have an idea of going up the country across the

Zambesi. I've a notion that I should like to make my way out

somewhere in the Mediterranean,--Egypt, for instance, or Algiers."

"What!--across the equator? You'd never do that alive?"

"Things of that kind have been done. Stanley crossed the continent."

"But not from south to north. I don't believe in that. You had better

remain at Kimberley and get more diamonds."

"He'd be with diamonds like the boy with the bacon," said the

clergyman; "when prepared for another wish, he'd have more than he

could eat."

"To tell the truth," said John Gordon, "I don't quite know what I

should do. It would depend perhaps on what somebody else would join

me in doing. My life was very lonely at Kimberley, and I do not love

being alone."

"Then, why don't you take a wife?" said Montagu Blake, very loudly,

as though he had hit the target right in the bull's-eye. He so spoke

as to bring the conversation to an abrupt end. Mr Whittlestaff

immediately looked conscious. He was a man who, on such an occasion,

could not look otherwise than conscious. And the five girls, with all

of whom the question of the loves of John Gordon and Mary Lawrie had

been fully discussed, looked conscious. Mary Lawrie was painfully

conscious; but endeavoured to hide it, not unsuccessfully. But in

her endeavour she had to look unnaturally stern,--and was conscious,

too, that she did that. Mr Hall, whose feelings of romance were not

perhaps of the highest order, looked round on Mr Whittlestaff and

Mary Lawrie. Montagu Blake felt that he had achieved a triumph.

"Yes," said he, "if those are your feelings, why don't you take a

wife?"

"One man may not be so happy as another," said Gordon, laughing. "You

have suited yourself admirably, and seem to think it quite easy for a

man to make a selection."

"Not quite such a selection as mine, perhaps," said Blake.

"Then think of the difficulty. Do you suppose that any second Miss

Forrester would dream of going to the diamond-fields with me?"

"Perhaps not," said Blake. "Not a second Miss Forrester--but somebody

else."

"Something inferior?"

"Well--yes; inferior to my Miss Forrester, certainly."

"You are the most conceited young man that I ever came across," said

the young lady herself.

"And I am not inclined to put up with anything that is very

inferior," said John Gordon. He could not help his eye from glancing

for a moment round upon Mary Lawrie. She was aware of it, though no

one else noticed it in the room. She was aware of it, though any one

watching her would have said that she had never looked at him.

"A man may always find a woman to suit him, if he looks well

about him," said Mr Hall, sententiously. "Don't you think so,

Whittlestaff?"

"I dare say he may," said Mr Whittlestaff, very flatly. And as he

said so he made up his mind that he would, for that day, postpone the

task of telling Mr Hall of his intended marriage.

The evening passed by, and the time came for Mr Whittlestaff to

drive Miss Lawrie back to Croker's Hall. She had certainly spent a

most uneventful period, as far as action or even words of her own was

concerned. But the afternoon was one which she would never forget.

She had been quite, quite sure, when she came into the house; but she

was more than sure now. At every word that had been spoken she had

thought of herself and of him. Would he not have known how to have

chosen a fit companion,--only for this great misfortune? And would

she have been so much inferior to Miss Forrester? Would he have

thought her inferior to any one? Would he not have preferred her to

any other female whom the world had at the present moment produced?

Oh, the pity of it; the pity of it!

Then came the bidding of adieu. Gordon was to sleep at Little

Alresford that night, and to take his departure by early train on the

next morning. Of the adieux spoken the next morning we need take no

notice, but only of the word or two uttered that night. "Good-bye,

Mr Gordon," said Mr Whittlestaff, having taken courage for the

occasion, and having thought even of the necessary syllables to be

spoken.

"Good-bye, Mr Whittlestaff," and he gave his rival his hand in

apparently friendly grasp. To those burning questions he had asked he

had received no word of reply; but they were questions which he would

not repeat again.

"Good-bye, Mr Gordon," said Mary. She had thought of the moment

much, but had determined at last that she would trust herself to

nothing further. He took her hand, but did not say a word. He took it

and pressed it for a moment, and then turned his face away, and went

in from the hall back to the door leading to the drawing-room. Mr

Whittlestaff was at the moment putting on his great-coat, and Mary

stood with her bonnet and cloak on at the open front door, listening

to a word or two from Kattie Forrester and Evelina Hall. "Oh, I wish,

I wish it might have been!" said Kattie Forrester.

"And so do I," said Evelina. "Can't it be?"

"Good-night," said Mary, boldly, stepping out rapidly into the

moonlight, and mounting without assistance to her place in the open

carriage.

"I beg your pardon," said Mr Hall, following her; but there came not

a word from her.

Mr Whittlestaff had gone back after John Gordon. "By-the-by," he

said, "what will be your address in London?"

"The 'Oxford and Cambridge' in Pall Mall," said he.

"Oh, yes; the club there. It might be that I should have a word to

send to you. But I don't suppose I shall," he added, as he turned

round to go away. Then he shook hands with the party in the hall, and

mounting up into the carriage, drove Mary and himself away homewards

towards Croker's Hall.

Not a word was spoken between them for the first mile, nor did a

sound of a sob or an audible suspicion of a tear come from Mary. Why

did those girls know the secret of her heart in that way? Why had

they dared to express a hope as to an event, or an idea as to a

disappointment, all knowledge of which ought to be buried in her own

bosom? Had she spoken of her love for John Gordon? She was sure that

no word had escaped her. And were it surmised, was it not customary

that such surmises should be kept in the dark? But here these young

ladies had dared to pity her for her vain love, as though, like some

village maiden, she had gone about in tears bewailing herself that

some groom or gardener had been faithless. But sitting thus for the

first mile, she choked herself to keep down her sobs.

"Mary," at last he whispered to her.

"Well, Mr Whittlestaff?"

"Mary, we are both of us unhappy."

"I am not unhappy," she said, plucking up herself suddenly. "Why do

you say that I am unhappy?"

"You seem so. I at any rate am unhappy."

"What makes you so?"

"I did wrong to take you to dine in company with that man."

"It was not for me to refuse to go."

"No; there is no blame to you in it;--nor is there blame to me. But

it would have been better for us both had we remained away." Then he

drove on in silence, and did not speak another word till they reached

home.

"Well!" said Mrs Baggett, following them into the dining-room.

"What do you mean by 'well'?"

"What did the folks say to you at Mr Hall's? I can see by your face

that some of them have been saying summat."

"Nobody has been saying anything that I know of," said Mr

Whittlestaff. "Do you go to bed." Then when Mrs Baggett was gone,

and Mary had listlessly seated herself on a chair, her lover again

addressed her. "I wish I knew what there is in your heart." Yet she

would not tell him; but turned away her face and sat silent. "Have

you nothing to say to me?"

"What should I have to say to you? I have nothing to say of that of

which you are thinking."

"He has gone now, Mary."

"Yes; he has gone."

"And you are contented?" It did seem hard upon her that she should be

called upon to tell a lie,--to say that which he must know to be a

lie,--and to do so in order that he might be encouraged to persevere

in achieving his own object. But she did not quite understand him.

"Are you contented?" he repeated again.

Then she thought that she would tell the lie. If it was well that

she should make the sacrifice for his sake, why should it not be

completed? If she had to give herself to him, why should not the gift

be as satisfactory as it might be made to his feelings? "Yes; I am

contented."

"And you do not wish to see him again?"

"Certainly not, as your wife."

"You do not wish it at all," he rejoined, "whether you be my wife or

otherwise?"

"I think you press me too hard." Then she remembered herself, and the

perfect sacrifice which she was minded to make. "No; I do not wish

again to see Mr Gordon at all. Now, if you will allow me, I will

go to bed. I am thoroughly tired out, and I hardly know what I am

saying."

"Yes; you can go to bed," he said. Then she gave him her hand in

silence, and went off to her own room.

She had no sooner reached her bed, than she threw herself on it and

burst into tears. All this which she had to endure,--all that she

would have to bear,--would be, she thought, too much for her. And

there came upon her a feeling of contempt for his cruelty. Had he

sternly resolved to keep her to her promised word, and to forbid her

all happiness for the future,--to make her his wife, let her heart be

as it might;--had he said: "you have come to my house, and have eaten

my bread and have drunk of my cup, and have then promised to become

my wife, and now you shall not depart from it because this interloper

has come between us;"--then, though she might have felt him to be

cruel, still she would have respected him. He would have done, as she

believed, as other men do. But he wished to gain his object, and yet

not appear to be cruel. It was so that she thought of him. "And it

shall be as he would have it," she said to herself. But though she

saw far into his character, she did not quite read it aright.

He remained there alone in his library into the late hours of the

night. But he did not even take up a book with the idea of solacing

his hours. He too had his idea of self-sacrifice, which went quite

as far as hers. But yet he was not as sure as was she that the

self-sacrifice would be a duty. He did not believe, as did she, in

the character of John Gordon. What if he should give her up to one

who did not deserve her,--to one whose future would not be stable

enough to secure the happiness and welfare of such a woman as was

Mary Lawrie! He had no knowledge to guide him, nor had she;--nor, for

the matter of that, had John Gordon himself any knowledge of what his

own future might be. Of his own future Mr Whittlestaff could speak

and think with the greatest confidence. It would be safe, happy, and

bright, should Mary Lawrie become his wife. Should she not do so, it

must be altogether ruined and confounded.

He could not conceive it to be possible that he should be required

by duty to make such a sacrifice; but he knew of himself that if her

happiness, her true and permanent happiness, would require it, then

the sacrifice should be made.