CHAPTER X

A BRIEF ACCOUNT OF MY CONVERSATIONS WITH DOCTOR NEBULOSUS, SIR AMBER

O’PAKE, AND LORD CORNUCORE, WHO TELL ME MANY THINGS THAT I NEVER

KNEW BEFORE, FOR WHICH I WAS VERY GRATEFUL.

Lord Bulger and I were more than pleased with our new friends, Doctor

Nebulosus, Sir Amber O’Pake, and Lord Cornucore, although so eager were

they to make us thoroughly comfortable, that they overdid the matter at

times, and left me scarcely a moment to myself in which to make an entry

in my notebook. They were extremely solicitous lest in my ignorance I

should set down something wrong about them.

“For,” said Sir Amber O’Pake, “now that thou hast found the way to this

under world of ours, little baron, I feel assured that we shall have a

number of visitors from thy people every year or so, and I have already

issued orders to have extra beds made as soon as the wood can be

quarried.”

Doctor Nebulosus gave me a very interesting account of the various

ailments which the Mikkamenkies suffer from. “All sickness among our

people, little baron,” said he, “is purely mental or emotional; that is,

of the mind or feelings. There is no such thing as bodily infirmity

among us. Wine and strong drink are unknown in our world, and the food

we eat is light and easily digested. We are never exposed to the danger

of breathing a dust-laden atmosphere, and while we are an active and

industrious people, yet we sleep a great deal; for, as our laws forbid

the use of lamps or torches, except for the use of those toiling in the

dark chambers, it is not possible for us to ruin our health by turning

night into day. We go to bed the very moment the River of Light ceases

to flow. The only ailment that ever gives me the least trouble is

_iburyufrosnia_.”

“Pray, what is the nature of that ailment?” I asked.

“It is an inclination to be too happy,” replied Doctor Nebulosus

gravely, “and I regret to say that several of our people attacked with

this ailment have shortened their lives by refusing to take my remedies.

It usually develops very slowly, beginning with an inclination to

giggle, which, after a while, is succeeded by violent fits of laughter.

“For instance, little baron, when thou camest among us, many of our

people were attacked with a violent form of _iburyufrosnia_; and

although Master Cold Soul, the Court Depressor, made great efforts to

check it, yet he was quite powerless to do so. It spread over the city

with remarkable rapidity. Without knowing why, our workmen at their

work, our children at their play, our people in doors and out, began to

laugh and to be dangerously happy. I made examinations of several of the

worst cases, and discovered that at the rate they were beating the

hearts of most of them would run down in a single week. It was terrible.

A council was hastily held, and it was determined to conceal thee and

Lord Bulger from the public view, but happily my skill got the upper

hand of the attack.”

“Didst increase the number of pills to be taken?” I asked.

“No, little baron,” said Doctor Nebulosus; “I increased their size and

covered them with a dry powder, which made them extremely difficult to

swallow, and in this way compelled those taking them to cease their

laughing. But there were a number of cases so violent that they could

not be cured in this way. These I ordered to be strapped in at the waist

with broad belts, and to have their mouths held pried open with wooden

wedges. As thou mayst understand, this made laughing so difficult that

they speedily gave it up altogether.

“Ah, little baron,” continued the wise doctor with a sigh, “that was a

sorry day for the human race when it learned how to laugh. It is my

opinion that we owe this useless agitation of our bodies to you people

of the upper world. Exposed as ye were to piercing winds and biting

frosts, ye contracted the habit of shivering to keep warm, and, little

by little, this shivering habit so grew upon you, that ye kept up the

shivering whether ye were cold or not; only ye called it by another

name. Now, my knowledge of the human body teaches me that this quivering

of the flesh is a very wise provision of nature to keep the blood in

motion, and in this way to save the human body from perishing from the

cold; but why should we quiver when we are happy, little baron? All

pleasure is the thought, and yet at the very moment when we should keep

our bodies in as perfect repose as possible, we begin this ridiculous

shivering. Do we shiver when we look upon the beauties of the River of

Light, or listen to sweet music, or gaze upon the loving countenance of

our gracious Queen Galaxa? But worse than all, little baron, this

senseless quivering and shivering which we call laughter, unlike good,

deep, long-drawn, wholesome sighs, empty the lungs of air without

filling them again, and thus do we often see these gigglers and laughers

fall over in fainting fits, absolutely choked by their own wild and

unreasoning action. I have always contended, little baron, that we alone

of all animals had the laughing habit, and I am now delighted to have my

opinion confirmed by my acquaintance with the wise and dignified Lord

Bulger. Observe him. He knows quite as well as we what it is to be

pleased, to be amused, to be delighted, but he doesn’t think it

necessary to have recourse to fits of shivering and shuddering. Through

the brightened eye—true window of the soul—I can see how happy he is. I

can measure his joy; I can take note of his contentment.”

I was delighted with this learned discourse of the gentle Doctor

Nebulosus, and made notes of it lest the points of his argument might

escape my memory, the more pleased was I in that he proved my faithful

Bulger to be so wisely constructed and regulated by nature.

I made particular inquiry of my friends, Sir Amber O’Pake and Lord

Cornucore, as to whether Queen Galaxa ever had any trouble in governing

her people.

“None whatever,” was the answer. “In many a long year has it only been

necessary on one or two occasions to summon a Mikkamenky before the

magistrate and examine his heart under a strong light. The only

punishment allowed by our laws is confinement for a shorter or longer

time in one of the dark chambers. The severest sentence ever known to

have been passed by one of our magistrates was twelve hours in length.

But in all honesty, we must admit, little baron, that falsehood and

deception are unknown amongst us for the simple reason that, being

transparent, it is impossible for a Mikkamenky to deceive a brother

without being caught in the act. Therefore why make the attempt? The

very moment one of us begins to say one thing while he is thinking

another, his eyes cloud up and betray him, just as the crystal-clear

weather glass clouds up at the approach of a storm in the upper world.

But this, of course, little baron, is only true of our thoughts. Our

laws allow us to hide our feelings by the use of the black fan. No one

may look upon another’s heart unless its owner wills it. It is a very

grave offence for one Mikkamenky to look through another without that

one’s permission. But as thou wilt readily understand, inasmuch as we

are by nature transparent, it is utterly impossible for a marriage to

prove an unhappy one, for the reason that when a youth declares his love

for a maiden, they both have the right by law to look upon each other’s

hearts, and in this way they can tell exactly the strength of the love

they have for each other.” This and many other strange and interesting

things did my new friends, Doctor Nebulosus, Sir Amber O’Pake, and Lord

Cornucore impart unto me, and right grateful was I to good Queen Galaxa

for having chosen them for me. Good friends are better than gold,

although we may not think it at the time.