CHAPTER V.

_Summer in Baden-Baden--The Late Emperor William no Judge of

Wine--My Irish Doctor--His Horror of Water--How an American Girl

Tried to Captivate Him--The Louisiana Judge--I Win the Toss and Get

the Mule--The Judge “fixes” his Pony--The “Pike Ballet.”_

We passed our summer at Baden-Baden and literally lived there in the

open air. Opposite to my apartment, Prince Furstenburg of Vienna had his

hotel: from him and his suite I learned how to spend the summer months.

At early dawn they were out in the saddle for a canter; at ten they went

for a drive down the Allée Lichtenthal and through shady woods, nowhere

seen as at Baden-Baden. They would stop and breakfast in the open air at

twelve noon, again drive in the afternoon, and dine at the Kursaal at

six. They kept at least twenty-five horses. We dined daily within a

table or two of the then Prince of Prussia, afterwards the Emperor

William, whom I soon discovered was no judge of wine, as I drank the

best and he was evidently indifferent to it. When you see a man sip his

wine and linger over it, that evidences his appreciation of it; but when

you see him gulp it down, as the Prince did his, you see that he is no

connoisseur. But I must say here, I had an intense admiration for him.

His habit of walking two hours under the trees of the Allée Lichtenthal

was also mine, and it was with pleasure I bowed most respectfully to him

day by day.

Being anxious to cross every Alpine pass, I found a distinguished

physician who lived at Pau, France, on account of his health, and had

there the practice of the place during the winter months, and who was,

necessarily, idle in summer, as Pau was then deserted. Still believing

in doctors, I engaged him to travel with me for two months as my

physician. I agreed to give him a bottle of 1848 Latour for his dinner

daily, pay his expenses, and to give him a medical fee such as I saw fit

at the end of our trip. He was indeed a man among men. All I can say is

that when we parted and I handed him his fee, the tears came into his

eyes; he grasped my hands, swearing eternal friendship. This doctor made

a new man of me. “Throw physic to the dogs,” was his motto; “you will

never die: you will in the end have to be shot to get you out of the

world; air and exercise is all you want: eat slowly and do not deluge

yourself with water at dinner.” Of water he had a holy horror. “Drink

what good wine you wish and let water alone.” As I had the luxury of a

private physician, a friend from Louisiana suggested joining my party

with his two young daughters. My Irish doctor was the most sensitive of

men. One day I found he could eat no breakfast. I sympathized with him

and asked him the cause. He replied, “My dear boy, the habits of your

American women. I came down to the breakfast room this morning and

there I found the oldest of the Judge’s daughters with her back hair

down and the younger one combing it. This settled me.” I assured him

this was not the national custom with American women. The young woman

was simply trying to captivate him by her lovely, long, flowing tresses.

The doctor was a character. On another occasion a Frenchman lighted a

cigar in our railway compartment. The Doctor detested cigar smoke, and

as there was a large sign in the car, in French, forbidding smoking, he

touched the Frenchman and pointed to the sign. The Frenchman simply

smiled blandly. The train stopping, the conductor opened our door, when

the Frenchman quietly slipped two francs into his hands, saying in

French, “Of course I can smoke here, that sign is obsolete, is it not?”

The conductor replied, “Oh, yes,” and on we went. My Irishman got up and

commenced taking his coat off. “What are you going to do?” exclaimed the

Frenchman. “Why, throw you out of that window if you do not at once

throw that cigar away.” There was no mistaking the Doctor’s meaning, so

the cigar went out and the Frenchman staid in.

My traveling Louisiana friend had a charming way of suggesting each

morning, as we paid our hotel bills, that we should toss up a five-franc

piece and decide, by heads and tails, who was to pay the bill. I did

this once or twice, when I found, as he always won and I lost, it was a

losing business for me; but on another occasion was forced into the

plan. To ascend the mountain at Lugano, three wretched beasts were

brought us by the Italian boys to mount for the ascent. The Judge

insisted on tossing up a five-franc piece for choice of animals. I was

compelled to give in and accede to his suggestion, and by great good

luck won first choice. My friend, the Judge, forbade the Doctor advising

me as to the animal I should take, as he knew him to be a good judge of

horses. There was a feeble, worthless horse that literally could carry

no one; his back all raw; a vicious mule who bit and kicked, and a stone

blind pony that would not go. With my experience of mules in the South,

knowing what sure-footed creatures they were, I chose the mule, had him

blindfolded, mounted him, and off I went. After waiting an hour on the

summit, the Judge appeared, coat and hat gone, and swearing terribly

that he would prosecute the canton for his treatment, and horsewhip the

Italian boys. He had let the horse go, and footed it. I soon slipped

away on my mule, letting the irate Louisianian and the Irishman settle

it, on top of the mountain, how they were to have satisfaction out of

the government for permitting such beasts to be imposed upon travelers.

I was two-thirds down the mountain when I looked behind me and heard the

most terrible shouts, and saw the Irishman clinging to the pony, over

whom he had lost all control, and the Judge hanging on by the pony’s

tail, all coming down at a terrific pace. The pony was at first gentle,

but it appears would not go beyond a walk. The Judge hung on to his tail

to guide himself down the mountain, and finding he would not go fast

enough to suit them, he assured the Irishman he would fix him, and

immediately stuck his penknife into the beast’s tail. “Fix him,” he did,

for the creature was so terrified he dashed off at a break-neck pace,

and the Judge, not wishing to be left alone on the mountain, had to hang

on by the tail and be dragged along at lightning speed. These beasts

alone knew the way down; once parted from them, they were lost, for the

Italian boys who had furnished them had long since fled from the Judge’s

wrath. The Judge and the Doctor forbade my paying the hotel bill, and I

had to do it surreptitiously.

My doctor (who was a victim to rheumatism) called my attention to the

fact that on the summit of every Alpine pass we crossed, after all other

vegetation ceased, the aconite plant grew, showing nature had provided

there a remedy for the disease which the severity of the climate

developed in man. My Irish friend, living far from the sea, had a

passion for all fish but pike, which he detested, and which was daily

served to us wherever we went; finally, reaching Berlin, he insisted on

having sea fish. It was promised us, but, lo and behold! when dinner was

served, in came the pike, with the apology that no other fish could then

be had in the city. After dinner we went to the opera, and there, in the

ballet (superbly done as it was), were at least one hundred pike dancing

on the stage, which so upset my friend that he seized his hat in a rage

and left the house.

WINTER IN PAU.