CHAPTER XXII

The History of Miss Williams

‘My father was an eminent merchant in the city who having, in the

course of trade, suffered very considerable losses, retired in his old

age with his wife to a small estate in the country, which he had

purchased with the remains of his fortune. At that time, I being but

eight years of age, was left in town for the convenience of education,

boarded with an aunt, who was a rigid presbyterian, and confined me so

closely to what she called the duties of religion, that in time I grew

weary of her doctrines, and by degrees received an aversion for the

good books, she daily recommended to my perusal. As I increased in age,

and appeared with a person not disagreeable, I contracted a good deal

of acquaintance among my own sex; one of whom, after having lamented

the restraint I was under from the narrowness of my aunt’s sentiments,

told me I must now throw off the prejudices of opinion imbibed under

her influence and example, and learn to think for myself; for which

purpose she advised me to read Shaftsbury, Tindal, Hobbes, and all the

authors that are remarkable for their deviation from the old way of

thinking, and by comparing one with the other, I should soon be able to

form a system of my own. I followed her advice; and whether it was

owing to my prepossession against what I had formerly read, or the

clearness of argument in these my new instructors, I know not; but I

studied them with pleasure, and in a short time became a professed

freethinker. Proud of my improvement, I argued in all companies, and

that with such success, that I soon acquired the reputation of a

philosopher, and few people durst undertake me in a dispute. I grew

vain upon my good fortune, and at length pretended to make my aunt a

proselyte to my opinion; but she no sooner perceived my drift than,

taking the alarm, she wrote to my father an account of my heresy, and

conjured him, as he tendered the good of my soul, to remove me

immediately from the dangerous place where I had contracted such sinful

principles. Accordingly, my father ordered me into the country, where I

arrived in the fifteenth year of my age, and, by his command gave him a

detail of all the articles of my faith, which he did not find so

unreasonable as they had been represented. Finding myself suddenly

deprived of the company and pleasures of the town, I grew melancholy

and it was some time before I could relish my situation. But solitude

became every day more and more familiar to me and I consoled myself in

my retreat with the enjoyment of a good library, at such times as were

not employed in the management of the family (for my mother had been

dead three years), in visiting, or some other party of rural diversion.

Having more imagination than judgment, I addicted myself too much to

poetry and romance; and, in short, was looked upon as a very

extraordinary person by everybody in the country where I resided.

‘I had one evening strayed, with a book in my hand, into a wood that

bordered on the high road, at a little distance from my father’s house,

when a certain drunken squire, riding by, perceived me, and crying,

“Holloa, there’s a charming creature!” alighted in a moment, caught me

in his arms, and treated me so rudely that I shrieked as loud as I

could, and in the meantime opposed his violence with all the strength

that rage and resentment could inspire. During this struggle, another

horseman came up, who, seeing a lady so unworthily used, dismounted,

and flew to my assistance. The squire, mad with disappointment, or

provoked with the reproaches of the other gentleman, quitted me, and

running to his horse, drew a pistol from the saddle, and fired it at my

protector, who happily receiving no damage, went up, and, with the

butt-end of his whip laid him prostrate on the ground before he could

use the other, which his antagonist immediately seized, and, clapping

to the squire’s breast, threatened to put him to death for his

cowardice and treachery. In this dilemma I interposed and begged his

life, which was granted to my request, after he had asked pardon, and

swore his intention was only to obtain a kiss. However, my defender

thought proper to unload the other pistol, and throw away the flints,

before he gave him his liberty. This courteous stranger conducted me

home, where my father having learned the signal service he had done me,

loaded him with caresses, and insisted on his lodging that night at our

house. If the obligation he had conferred upon me justly inspired me

with sentiments of gratitude, his appearance and conversation seemed to

entitle him to somewhat more. He was about the age of two-and-twenty,

among the tallest of the middle size; had chestnut-coloured hair, which

he wore tied up in a ribbon; a high polished forehead, a nose inclining

to the aquiline, lively blue eyes, red pouting lips, teeth as white as

snow, and a certain openness of countenance—but why need I describe any

more particulars of his person? I hope you will do me the justice to

believe I do not flatter, when I say he was the exact resemblance of

you; and if I had not been well acquainted with his family and degree,

I should have made no scruple of concluding that you was his brother.

He spoke and seemed to have no reserve: for what he said was ingenuous,

sensible, and uncommon. “In short,” said she, bursting into tears, “he

was formed for the ruin of our sex. His behaviour was modest and

respectful, but his looks were so significant, that I could easily

observe he secretly blessed the occasion that introduced him to my

acquaintance. We learned from his discourse that he was the eldest son

of a wealthy gentleman in the neighbourhood, to whose name we were no

strangers—that he had been to visit an acquaintance in the country,

from whose house he was returning home, when my shrieks brought him to

my rescue.”

‘All night long my imagination formed a thousand ridiculous

expectations: there was so much of knight-errantry in this gentleman’s

coming to the relief of a damsel in distress, with whom he immediately

became enamoured, that all I had read of love and chivalry recurred to

my fancy; and I looked upon myself as a princess in some region of

romance, who being delivered from the power of some brutal giant or

satyr, by a generous Oroondates, was bound in gratitude, as well as led

by inclination, to yield up my affections to him without reserve. In

vain did I endeavour to chastise these foolish conceits by reflections

more reasonable and severe: the amusing images took full possession of

my mind, and my dreams represented my hero sighing at my feet, in the

language of a despairing lover. Next morning after breakfast he took

his leave, when my father begged the favour of further acquaintance

with him; to which request he replied by a compliment to him, and a

look to me so full of eloquence and tenderness, that my whole soul

received the soft impression. In a short time he repeated his visit;

and as a recital of the particular steps he pursued to ruin me would be

tedious and impertinent, let it suffice to say, he made it his business

to insinuate himself into my esteem, by convincing me of his own good

sense, and at the same time flattering my understanding. This task he

performed in the most artful manner, by seeming to contradict me often

through misapprehension, that I might have an opportunity of clearing

myself the more to my own honour. Having thus secured my good opinion,

he began to give me some tokens of a particular passion, founded on a

veneration of the qualities of my mind, and, as an accidental ornament,

admired the beauties of my person; till at being fully persuaded of his

conquest, he chose a proper season for the theme, and disclosed his

love in terms so ardent and sincere, that it was impossible for me to

disguise the sentiments of my heart, and he received my approbation

with the most lively transport. After this mutual declaration, we

contrived to meet more frequently in private interviews, where we

enjoyed the conversation of one another, in all the elevation of fancy

and impatience of hope that reciprocal adoration can inspire. He

professed his honourable intentions, of which I made no question;

lamented the avaricious disposition of his father, who had destined him

for the arms of another, and vowed eternal fidelity with such an

appearance of candour and devotion—that I became a dupe to his deceit.

Cursed be the day on which I gave away my innocence and peace! Cursed

be my beauty that first attracted the attention of the seducer! Cursed

be my education, that, by refining my sentiments, made my heart the

more susceptible! Cursed be my good sense, that fixed me to one object,

and taught me the preference I enjoyed was but my due! Had I been ugly,

nobody would have tempted me; had I been ignorant, the charms of my

person would not have atoned for the coarseness of my conversation; had

I been giddy, my vanity would have divided my inclinations, and my

ideas would have been so diffused, that I should never have listened to

the enchantments of one alone.

‘But to return to my unfortunate story. After some months, the visits

of my lover became less frequent, and his behaviour less warm: I

perceived his coldness, my heart took the alarm, my tears reproached

him, and I insisted upon the performance of his promise to espouse me,

that, whatever should happen, my reputation might be safe. He seemed to

acquiesce in my proposal, and left me on pretence of finding a proper

clergyman to unite us in the bands of wedlock. But alas! the inconstant

had no intention to return. I waited a whole week with the utmost

impatience; sometimes doubting his honour, at other times inventing

excuses for him, and condemning myself for harbouring suspicions of his

faith. At length I understood from a gentleman who dined at our house,

that this perfidious wretch was on the point of setting out for London

with his bride, to buy clothes for their approaching nuptials. This

information distracted me! Rage took possession of my soul; I denounced

a thousand imprecations, and formed as many schemes of revenge against

the traitor who had undone me. Then my resentment would subside to

silent sorrow. I recalled the tranquillity I lost, I wept over my

infatuation, and sometimes a ray of hope would intervene, and for a

moment cheer my drooping heart; I would revolve all the favourable

circumstances of his character, repeat the vows he made, ascribe his

absence to the vigilance of a suspicious father who compelled him to a

match his soul abhorred, and comfort myself with the expectation of

seeing him before the thing should be brought to any terms of

agreement. But how vain was my imagination! That villain left me

without remorse, and in a few days the news of his marriage were spread

all over the country. My horror was then inconceivable; and had not the

desire of revenge diverted the resolution, I should infallibly have put

an end to my miserable life. My father observed the symptoms of my

despair: and though I have good reason to believe he guessed the cause,

was at a great deal of pains to seem ignorant of my affliction, while

he endeavoured with parental fondness to alleviate my distress. I saw

his concern, which increased my anguish, and raised my fury against the

author of my calamity to an implacable degree.

‘Having furnished myself with a little money, I made an elopement from

this unhappy parent in the night-time, and about break of day arrived

at a small town, from whence a stage coach set out for London, in which

I embarked, and next day alighted in town; the spirit of revenge having

supported me all the way against every other reflection, My first care

was to hire a lodging, in which I kept myself very retired, assumed a

feigned name, that my character and situation might be better

concealed. It was not long before I found out the house of my lover,

whither I immediately repaired in a transport of rage, determined to

act some desperate deed for the satisfaction of my despair, though the

hurry of my spirits would not permit me to concert or resolve upon a

particular plan. When I demanded admission to Lothario (so let me call

him), I was desired to send up my name and business; but this I

refused, telling the porter I had business for his master’s private

ear; upon which I was conducted into a parlour until he should be

informed of my request. There I remained about a quarter of an hour,

when a servant entered and told me his master was engaged with company,

and begged to be excused at that time. My temper could hold out no

longer. I pulled out a poniard from my bosom, where I had concealed it,

and rushing out flew up stairs like a fury, exclaiming, “Where’s this

perfidious villain? could I plunge this dagger into his false heart, I

should then die satisfied!” The noise I made alarmed not only the

servants, but the company also, who hearing my threats came forward to

the staircase to see was the matter. I was seized, disarmed, and

withheld by two footmen; and in this situation felt the most exquisite

torture in beholding my undoer approach with his young wife. I could

not endure the sight, was deprived of my senses, and fell into a severe

fit, during which I know not how I was treated; but when I recovered

the use of reflection, found myself on a bed in a paltry apartment,

where I was attended by an old woman, who asked a thousand impertinent

questions relating to my condition, and informed me that my behaviour

had thrown the whole family into confusion; that Lothario affirmed I

was mad, and proposed to have me sent to Bedlam; but my lady persuaded

herself there was more in my conduct than he cared should be known, and

had taken to her bed on bare suspicion, having first ordered that I

should be narrowly looked to. I heard all she said without making any

other reply than desiring she would do me the favour to call a chair;

but this she told me could not be done without her master’s consent,

which, however, was easily procured, and I was conveyed to my lodgings

in a state of mind that baffles all description. The agitation of my

thoughts produced a fever, which brought on a miscarriage; and I

believe it is well for my conscience that heaven thus disposed of my

burden; for let me own to you with penitence and horror, if I had

brought a living child into the world, my frenzy would have prompted me

to sacrifice the little innocent to my resentment of the father’s

infidelity.

‘After this event my rage abated, and my hate became more deliberate

and calm: when one day my landlady informed me that there was a

gentleman below who desired to see me, he having something of

consequence to impart, which he was sure would contribute to my peace

of mind. I was exceedingly alarmed at this declaration, which I

attempted to interpret a thousand ways; and before I came to any

determination he entered my room, with an apology for intruding without

my knowledge or consent. I surveyed him some time, and not being able

to recollect his face, demanded, with a faltering accent, what his

business was with me? Upon which he desired I would give him a

particular audience, and he did not doubt of communicating something

that would conduce to my satisfaction and repose. As I thought myself

sufficiently guarded against any violence, I granted his request, and

bade the woman withdraw. The stranger, then advancing, gave me to

understand that he was well acquainted with the particulars of my

story, having been informed of them from Lothario’s own mouth—that from

the time he knew my misfortunes he had entertained a detestation for

the author of them, which had of late been increased and inflamed to a

desire of revenge, by a piece of dishonourable conduct towards him—that

hearing of my melancholy situation, he had come with an intention of

offering his assistance and comfort, and was ready to espouse my

quarrel, and forthwith take vengeance on my seducer, provided I would

grant him one consideration, which, he hoped, I should see no reason to

refuse. Had all the artifice of hell been employed in composing a

persuasive, it could not have had a more instantaneous or favourable

effect than this discourse had upon me. I was transported with a

delirium of gloomy joy. The contract was made; he devoted himself to my

revenge, undertook to murder Lothario that very night, and to bring me

an account of his death before morning. Accordingly, about two of the

clock, he was introduced to my chamber, and assured me that my

perfidious lover was no more: that although he was not entitled to such

an honourable proceeding, he had fairly challenged him to the field,

where he upbraided him with his treachery towards me, for whom, he told

me, his sword was drawn, and after a few passes left him weltering in

his blood. I was so savaged by my wrongs, that I delighted in the

recital of this adventure, made him repeat the particulars and feasted

my eyes on the blood that remained on his clothes and sword. My

imagination was so engrossed by these ideas, that in my sleep I dreamed

Lothario appeared before me pale, mangled, and bloody, blamed my

rashness, protested his innocence, and pleaded his cause so

pathetically, that I was convinced of his fidelity, and waked in a fit

of horror and remorse. I dropped asleep again, and the same apparition

recurred to my fancy. In short, I passed the night in great misery, and

looked upon my avenger with such abhorrence, that in the morning,

perceiving my aversion, he insinuated there was still a possibility of

Lothario’s recovery: it was quite true he left him wounded on the

ground, but not quite dead, and perhaps his hurts might not be mortal.

At these words I started up, bade him fly for intelligence, and if he

could not bring me tidings of Lothario’s safety, at least consult his

own, and never return; for I was resolved to surrender myself to

justice, and declare all I knew of the affair, that, if possible I

might expiate my own guilt, by incurring the rigours of a sincere

repentance and ignominious death. He very coolly represented the

unreasonableness of my prejudice against him, who had done nothing but

what his love of me inspired, and honour justified: that now he had, at

the risk of his life, been subservient to my revenge, I was about to

discard him as an infamous agent, occasionally necessary; and that,

even if he should be so lucky as to bring news of Lothario’s safety, it

was probable my former resentment might revive, and I would upbraid him

with having failed in his undertaking. I assured him, that on the

contrary, he should be dearer to me than ever, as I then should be

convinced he acted more on the principles of a man of honour than on

those of a mercenary assassin, and scorned to take away the life of an

adversary, how inveterate soever, which fortune had put in his power.

“Well, then madam,” said he, “whatever may have happened, I shall find

it no difficult matter to acquit myself in point of honour;” and took

his leave in order to inquire into the consequences of his duel. I was

now more sensible than ever of the degrees of guilt and misery; all the

affliction I had suffered hitherto was owing to my own credulity and

weakness, and my conscience could only accuse me of venial crimes; but

now that I looked upon myself as a murderer, it is impossible to

express the terrors of my imagination, which was incessantly haunted by

the image of the deceased, and my bosom stung with the most exquisite

agonies, of which I saw no end. At length, Horatio (for so I shall call

my new friend) returned, and telling me I had nothing to fear,

delivered into my hands a billet containing these words.

“Madam,

“As I understand it is of consequence to your peace, I take this

liberty to inform you, that the wounds I received from Horatio are

not mortal. This satisfaction my humanity could not deny, even to a

person who has endeavoured to disturb the repose as well as the

life of

“Lothario.”

‘Being well acquainted with this hand, I had no reason to suspect an

imposition in this letter, which I read over and over with a transport

of joy, and caressed Horatio so much that he appeared the happiest man

alive. Thus was I won from despair by the menaces of a greater

misfortune than that which depressed me. Griefs are like usurpers,—the

most powerful deposes all the rest. But my raptures were not lasting:

that very letter which in a manner re-established my tranquillity, in a

little time banished my peace. His unjust reproaches, while they waked

my resentment, recalled my former happiness, and filled my soul with

rage and sorrow. Horatio, perceiving the situation of my mind,

endeavoured to divert my chagrin, by treating me with all the

amusements and entertainments of the town. I was gratified with every

indulgence I could desire; introduced into the company of women in my

own situation, by whom an uncommon deference was paid to me; and I

began to lose all remembrance of my former condition, when an accident

brought it back to my view with all its interesting circumstances.

Diverting myself one day with some newspapers, which I had not before

perused, the following advertisement attracted my attention:

‘“Whereas a young gentlewoman disappeared from her father’s house in

the county of —, about the end of September, on account (as is

supposed) of some uneasiness of mind, and has not been as yet heard of.

Whoever will give any information about her to Mr. — of Gray’s Inn,

shall be handsomely rewarded; or if she will return to the arms of her

disconsolate parent, she will be received with the utmost tenderness,

whatever reason she may have to think otherwise, and may be the means

of prolonging the life of a father already weighed down almost to the

grave with age and sorrow.”

‘This pathetic remonstrance had such an effect on me, that I was fully

resolved to return, like the prodigal son, and implore the forgiveness

of him who gave me life; but, alas! Upon inquiry, I found he had paid

his debt to nature a month before, lamenting my absence to his last

hour, having left his fortune to a stranger, as a mark of his

resentment of my unkind and undutiful behaviour. Penetrated with

remorse on this occasion, I sank into the most profound melancholy, and

considered myself as the immediate cause of his death. I lost all

relish for company; and, indeed, most of my acquaintances no sooner

perceived my change of temper, than they abandoned me. Horatio,

disgusted at my insensibility, or from some other cause, became colder

and colder every day, till at last he left me altogether, without

making any apology for his conduct, or securing me against the miseries

of want, as a man of honour ought to have done, considering the share

he had in my ruin; for I afterwards learned, that the quarrel between

Lothario and him was a story trumped up to rid the one of my

importunities, and give the other a recommendation to me, which, it

seems, he desired, upon seeing me at the house of my seducer. Reduced

to this extremity, I cursed my own simplicity, uttered horrid

imprecations against the treachery of Horatio; and, as I became every

day more and more familiarised to the loss of innocence, resolved to be

revenged on the sex in general, by practising their own arts upon

themselves. Nor was an opportunity long wanting: an old gentlewoman,

under pretence of sympathising, visited me, and after having condoled

me on my misfortunes, and professed a disinterested friendship, began

to display the art of her occupation, in encomiums on my beauty, and

invectives against the wretch who had forsaken me; insinuating withal,

that it would be my own fault if I did not still make my fortune by the

extraordinary qualifications with which nature had endowed me. I soon

understood her drift, and gave her such encouragement to explain

herself, that we came to an agreement immediately to divide whatever

profits might accrue from such gallants as she should introduce to my

acquaintance. The first stroke of my dissimulation was practised upon a

certain judge, to whom I was recommended by this matron as an innocent

creature just arrived from the country.’