CHAPTER 28

Soon after this, the general found himself obliged to go to London for

a week; and he left Northanger earnestly regretting that any necessity

should rob him even for an hour of Miss Morland's company, and anxiously

recommending the study of her comfort and amusement to his children

as their chief object in his absence. His departure gave Catherine the

first experimental conviction that a loss may be sometimes a gain. The

happiness with which their time now passed, every employment voluntary,

every laugh indulged, every meal a scene of ease and good humour,

walking where they liked and when they liked, their hours, pleasures,

and fatigues at their own command, made her thoroughly sensible of the

restraint which the general's presence had imposed, and most thankfully

feel their present release from it. Such ease and such delights made her

love the place and the people more and more every day; and had it not

been for a dread of its soon becoming expedient to leave the one, and

an apprehension of not being equally beloved by the other, she would at

each moment of each day have been perfectly happy; but she was now in

the fourth week of her visit; before the general came home, the fourth

week would be turned, and perhaps it might seem an intrusion if she

stayed much longer. This was a painful consideration whenever it

occurred; and eager to get rid of such a weight on her mind, she very

soon resolved to speak to Eleanor about it at once, propose going away,

and be guided in her conduct by the manner in which her proposal might

be taken.

Aware that if she gave herself much time, she might feel it difficult to

bring forward so unpleasant a subject, she took the first opportunity of

being suddenly alone with Eleanor, and of Eleanor's being in the

middle of a speech about something very different, to start forth her

obligation of going away very soon. Eleanor looked and declared herself

much concerned. She had "hoped for the pleasure of her company for a

much longer time--had been misled (perhaps by her wishes) to suppose

that a much longer visit had been promised--and could not but think that

if Mr. and Mrs. Morland were aware of the pleasure it was to her to have

her there, they would be too generous to hasten her return." Catherine

explained: "Oh! As to that, Papa and Mamma were in no hurry at all. As

long as she was happy, they would always be satisfied."

"Then why, might she ask, in such a hurry herself to leave them?"

"Oh! Because she had been there so long."

"Nay, if you can use such a word, I can urge you no farther. If you

think it long--"

"Oh! No, I do not indeed. For my own pleasure, I could stay with you as

long again." And it was directly settled that, till she had, her leaving

them was not even to be thought of. In having this cause of uneasiness

so pleasantly removed, the force of the other was likewise weakened. The

kindness, the earnestness of Eleanor's manner in pressing her to stay,

and Henry's gratified look on being told that her stay was determined,

were such sweet proofs of her importance with them, as left her only

just so much solicitude as the human mind can never do comfortably

without. She did--almost always--believe that Henry loved her, and quite

always that his father and sister loved and even wished her to belong

to them; and believing so far, her doubts and anxieties were merely

sportive irritations.

Henry was not able to obey his father's injunction of remaining wholly

at Northanger in attendance on the ladies, during his absence in London,

the engagements of his curate at Woodston obliging him to leave them on

Saturday for a couple of nights. His loss was not now what it had been

while the general was at home; it lessened their gaiety, but did not

ruin their comfort; and the two girls agreeing in occupation, and

improving in intimacy, found themselves so well sufficient for the time

to themselves, that it was eleven o'clock, rather a late hour at

the abbey, before they quitted the supper-room on the day of Henry's

departure. They had just reached the head of the stairs when it seemed,

as far as the thickness of the walls would allow them to judge, that a

carriage was driving up to the door, and the next moment confirmed the

idea by the loud noise of the house-bell. After the first perturbation

of surprise had passed away, in a "Good heaven! What can be the matter?"

it was quickly decided by Eleanor to be her eldest brother, whose

arrival was often as sudden, if not quite so unseasonable, and

accordingly she hurried down to welcome him.

Catherine walked on to her chamber, making up her mind as well as she

could, to a further acquaintance with Captain Tilney, and comforting

herself under the unpleasant impression his conduct had given her, and

the persuasion of his being by far too fine a gentleman to approve of

her, that at least they should not meet under such circumstances as

would make their meeting materially painful. She trusted he would never

speak of Miss Thorpe; and indeed, as he must by this time be ashamed of

the part he had acted, there could be no danger of it; and as long as

all mention of Bath scenes were avoided, she thought she could behave

to him very civilly. In such considerations time passed away, and it was

certainly in his favour that Eleanor should be so glad to see him, and

have so much to say, for half an hour was almost gone since his arrival,

and Eleanor did not come up.

At that moment Catherine thought she heard her step in the gallery, and

listened for its continuance; but all was silent. Scarcely, however,

had she convicted her fancy of error, when the noise of something moving

close to her door made her start; it seemed as if someone was touching

the very doorway--and in another moment a slight motion of the lock

proved that some hand must be on it. She trembled a little at the idea

of anyone's approaching so cautiously; but resolving not to be again

overcome by trivial appearances of alarm, or misled by a raised

imagination, she stepped quietly forward, and opened the door. Eleanor,

and only Eleanor, stood there. Catherine's spirits, however, were

tranquillized but for an instant, for Eleanor's cheeks were pale, and

her manner greatly agitated. Though evidently intending to come in, it

seemed an effort to enter the room, and a still greater to speak when

there. Catherine, supposing some uneasiness on Captain Tilney's account,

could only express her concern by silent attention, obliged her to be

seated, rubbed her temples with lavender-water, and hung over her with

affectionate solicitude. "My dear Catherine, you must not--you must not

indeed--" were Eleanor's first connected words. "I am quite well.

This kindness distracts me--I cannot bear it--I come to you on such an

errand!"

"Errand! To me!"

"How shall I tell you! Oh! How shall I tell you!"

A new idea now darted into Catherine's mind, and turning as pale as her

friend, she exclaimed, "'Tis a messenger from Woodston!"

"You are mistaken, indeed," returned Eleanor, looking at her most

compassionately; "it is no one from Woodston. It is my father himself."

Her voice faltered, and her eyes were turned to the ground as she

mentioned his name. His unlooked-for return was enough in itself to make

Catherine's heart sink, and for a few moments she hardly supposed

there were anything worse to be told. She said nothing; and Eleanor,

endeavouring to collect herself and speak with firmness, but with eyes

still cast down, soon went on. "You are too good, I am sure, to think

the worse of me for the part I am obliged to perform. I am indeed a most

unwilling messenger. After what has so lately passed, so lately been

settled between us--how joyfully, how thankfully on my side!--as to your

continuing here as I hoped for many, many weeks longer, how can I tell

you that your kindness is not to be accepted--and that the happiness

your company has hitherto given us is to be repaid by--But I must not

trust myself with words. My dear Catherine, we are to part. My father

has recollected an engagement that takes our whole family away on

Monday. We are going to Lord Longtown's, near Hereford, for a fortnight.

Explanation and apology are equally impossible. I cannot attempt

either."

"My dear Eleanor," cried Catherine, suppressing her feelings as well as

she could, "do not be so distressed. A second engagement must give

way to a first. I am very, very sorry we are to part--so soon, and so

suddenly too; but I am not offended, indeed I am not. I can finish my

visit here, you know, at any time; or I hope you will come to me. Can

you, when you return from this lord's, come to Fullerton?"

"It will not be in my power, Catherine."

"Come when you can, then."

Eleanor made no answer; and Catherine's thoughts recurring to something

more directly interesting, she added, thinking aloud, "Monday--so soon

as Monday; and you all go. Well, I am certain of--I shall be able to

take leave, however. I need not go till just before you do, you know. Do

not be distressed, Eleanor, I can go on Monday very well. My father

and mother's having no notice of it is of very little consequence. The

general will send a servant with me, I dare say, half the way--and then

I shall soon be at Salisbury, and then I am only nine miles from home."

"Ah, Catherine! Were it settled so, it would be somewhat less

intolerable, though in such common attentions you would have received

but half what you ought. But--how can I tell you?--tomorrow morning is

fixed for your leaving us, and not even the hour is left to your choice;

the very carriage is ordered, and will be here at seven o'clock, and no

servant will be offered you."

Catherine sat down, breathless and speechless. "I could hardly believe

my senses, when I heard it; and no displeasure, no resentment that

you can feel at this moment, however justly great, can be more than I

myself--but I must not talk of what I felt. Oh! That I could suggest

anything in extenuation! Good God! What will your father and mother say!

After courting you from the protection of real friends to this--almost

double distance from your home, to have you driven out of the house,

without the considerations even of decent civility! Dear, dear

Catherine, in being the bearer of such a message, I seem guilty myself

of all its insult; yet, I trust you will acquit me, for you must have

been long enough in this house to see that I am but a nominal mistress

of it, that my real power is nothing."

"Have I offended the general?" said Catherine in a faltering voice.

"Alas! For my feelings as a daughter, all that I know, all that I

answer for, is that you can have given him no just cause of offence. He

certainly is greatly, very greatly discomposed; I have seldom seen him

more so. His temper is not happy, and something has now occurred to

ruffle it in an uncommon degree; some disappointment, some vexation,

which just at this moment seems important, but which I can hardly

suppose you to have any concern in, for how is it possible?"

It was with pain that Catherine could speak at all; and it was only for

Eleanor's sake that she attempted it. "I am sure," said she, "I am very

sorry if I have offended him. It was the last thing I would willingly

have done. But do not be unhappy, Eleanor. An engagement, you know, must

be kept. I am only sorry it was not recollected sooner, that I might

have written home. But it is of very little consequence."

"I hope, I earnestly hope, that to your real safety it will be of none;

but to everything else it is of the greatest consequence: to comfort,

appearance, propriety, to your family, to the world. Were your friends,

the Allens, still in Bath, you might go to them with comparative ease;

a few hours would take you there; but a journey of seventy miles, to be

taken post by you, at your age, alone, unattended!"

"Oh, the journey is nothing. Do not think about that. And if we are to

part, a few hours sooner or later, you know, makes no difference. I

can be ready by seven. Let me be called in time." Eleanor saw that she

wished to be alone; and believing it better for each that they should

avoid any further conversation, now left her with, "I shall see you in

the morning."

Catherine's swelling heart needed relief. In Eleanor's presence

friendship and pride had equally restrained her tears, but no sooner was

she gone than they burst forth in torrents. Turned from the house, and

in such a way! Without any reason that could justify, any apology that

could atone for the abruptness, the rudeness, nay, the insolence of

it. Henry at a distance--not able even to bid him farewell. Every hope,

every expectation from him suspended, at least, and who could say how

long? Who could say when they might meet again? And all this by such

a man as General Tilney, so polite, so well bred, and heretofore

so particularly fond of her! It was as incomprehensible as it was

mortifying and grievous. From what it could arise, and where it would

end, were considerations of equal perplexity and alarm. The manner in

which it was done so grossly uncivil, hurrying her away without any

reference to her own convenience, or allowing her even the appearance

of choice as to the time or mode of her travelling; of two days, the

earliest fixed on, and of that almost the earliest hour, as if resolved

to have her gone before he was stirring in the morning, that he

might not be obliged even to see her. What could all this mean but

an intentional affront? By some means or other she must have had the

misfortune to offend him. Eleanor had wished to spare her from so

painful a notion, but Catherine could not believe it possible that any

injury or any misfortune could provoke such ill will against a person

not connected, or, at least, not supposed to be connected with it.

Heavily passed the night. Sleep, or repose that deserved the name

of sleep, was out of the question. That room, in which her disturbed

imagination had tormented her on her first arrival, was again the scene

of agitated spirits and unquiet slumbers. Yet how different now the

source of her inquietude from what it had been then--how mournfully

superior in reality and substance! Her anxiety had foundation in

fact, her fears in probability; and with a mind so occupied in the

contemplation of actual and natural evil, the solitude of her situation,

the darkness of her chamber, the antiquity of the building, were felt

and considered without the smallest emotion; and though the wind was

high, and often produced strange and sudden noises throughout the house,

she heard it all as she lay awake, hour after hour, without curiosity or

terror.

Soon after six Eleanor entered her room, eager to show attention or give

assistance where it was possible; but very little remained to be done.

Catherine had not loitered; she was almost dressed, and her packing

almost finished. The possibility of some conciliatory message from the

general occurred to her as his daughter appeared. What so natural, as

that anger should pass away and repentance succeed it? And she only

wanted to know how far, after what had passed, an apology might properly

be received by her. But the knowledge would have been useless here;

it was not called for; neither clemency nor dignity was put to the

trial--Eleanor brought no message. Very little passed between them on

meeting; each found her greatest safety in silence, and few and trivial

were the sentences exchanged while they remained upstairs, Catherine in

busy agitation completing her dress, and Eleanor with more goodwill than

experience intent upon filling the trunk. When everything was done they

left the room, Catherine lingering only half a minute behind her friend

to throw a parting glance on every well-known, cherished object, and

went down to the breakfast-parlour, where breakfast was prepared. She

tried to eat, as well to save herself from the pain of being urged as

to make her friend comfortable; but she had no appetite, and could not

swallow many mouthfuls. The contrast between this and her last breakfast

in that room gave her fresh misery, and strengthened her distaste for

everything before her. It was not four and twenty hours ago since they

had met there to the same repast, but in circumstances how different!

With what cheerful ease, what happy, though false, security, had she

then looked around her, enjoying everything present, and fearing little

in future, beyond Henry's going to Woodston for a day! Happy, happy

breakfast! For Henry had been there; Henry had sat by her and helped

her. These reflections were long indulged undisturbed by any address

from her companion, who sat as deep in thought as herself; and the

appearance of the carriage was the first thing to startle and recall

them to the present moment. Catherine's colour rose at the sight of it;

and the indignity with which she was treated, striking at that instant

on her mind with peculiar force, made her for a short time sensible only

of resentment. Eleanor seemed now impelled into resolution and speech.

"You must write to me, Catherine," she cried; "you must let me hear from

you as soon as possible. Till I know you to be safe at home, I shall

not have an hour's comfort. For one letter, at all risks, all hazards, I

must entreat. Let me have the satisfaction of knowing that you are safe

at Fullerton, and have found your family well, and then, till I can ask

for your correspondence as I ought to do, I will not expect more. Direct

to me at Lord Longtown's, and, I must ask it, under cover to Alice."

"No, Eleanor, if you are not allowed to receive a letter from me, I am

sure I had better not write. There can be no doubt of my getting home

safe."

Eleanor only replied, "I cannot wonder at your feelings. I will not

importune you. I will trust to your own kindness of heart when I am at

a distance from you." But this, with the look of sorrow accompanying

it, was enough to melt Catherine's pride in a moment, and she instantly

said, "Oh, Eleanor, I will write to you indeed."

There was yet another point which Miss Tilney was anxious to settle,

though somewhat embarrassed in speaking of. It had occurred to her that

after so long an absence from home, Catherine might not be provided with

money enough for the expenses of her journey, and, upon suggesting it

to her with most affectionate offers of accommodation, it proved to be

exactly the case. Catherine had never thought on the subject till that

moment, but, upon examining her purse, was convinced that but for

this kindness of her friend, she might have been turned from the house

without even the means of getting home; and the distress in which she

must have been thereby involved filling the minds of both, scarcely

another word was said by either during the time of their remaining

together. Short, however, was that time. The carriage was soon announced

to be ready; and Catherine, instantly rising, a long and affectionate

embrace supplied the place of language in bidding each other adieu; and,

as they entered the hall, unable to leave the house without some mention

of one whose name had not yet been spoken by either, she paused a

moment, and with quivering lips just made it intelligible that she left

"her kind remembrance for her absent friend." But with this approach to

his name ended all possibility of restraining her feelings; and, hiding

her face as well as she could with her handkerchief, she darted across

the hall, jumped into the chaise, and in a moment was driven from the

door.