CHAPTER CXC.

A SCENE IN A CAB.

“Ginthlemen,” exclaimed the gallant Irishman, “I mane to inthroduce

myself and frind to ye without any more bother or pother. My frind,

then, ginthlemen, is Misther Frank Cur-r-tis--discinded from a fine

family, and once possissed of large estates, all of which, be Jasus!

he’s managed to ate up as clane as if dirthy acres were plum-pudding.

My name, ginthlemen, is Capthain O’Bluntherbuss, of Bluntherbuss Park,

Connemar-r-ra--where I shall be delighted to see ye any time ye may be

afther visiting Ould Ireland and I’m at home.”

“Permit me to shake hands with you, Captain O’Blunderbuss,” said the

young nobleman; “and with you also, Mr. Curtis. You have rendered me

and my friend a service which we cannot easily forget.”

“And which we shall never seek to forget,” added the baronet,

emphatically; and then there was a general shaking of hands inside the

cab.

Lord William Trevelyan next proceeded to inform his new friends who he

and Sir Gilbert Heathcote were; and the reader may conceive the huge

delight experienced by Captain O’Blunderbuss and Mr. Frank Curtis when

they found themselves in the company of a real nobleman and a real

baronet.

“And now, my lor-r-d,” said the gallant officer, “will ye be so

obleeging as to explain to us what house that was where all the pother

took place, and what was the maning of the pother itself: for, be the

holy poker-r! I can’t make head or tail of it!”

“The fact is,” responded Lord William Trevelyan, “it was a mad-house.”

“A mad-house!” ejaculated Mr. Frank Curtis, starting as if stung by a

serpent lurking in the straw at the bottom of the cab--while a cold

tremor came over him; for it instantly struck him that he and his Irish

companion had been instrumental in the escape of a couple of lunatics.

“A mad-house!” repeated the Captain, immediately entertaining the same

idea, although not sharing the apprehensions of his friend.

“Neither more nor less,” continued Trevelyan, perfectly unaware of the

impression which his words had produced upon the two gentlemen: for, as

the inside of the cab was quite dark, he could not observe the change

that took place in their countenances.

“You--you--don’t mean to--to--say,” stammered Curtis, fidgetting

uncommonly, and thrusting his hand outside the window to grasp

the handle of the door: for he began to think that the sooner he

emancipated himself from the cab, the better;--“you--you----”

“Hould your tongue, ye spalpeen!” vociferated the Captain, who, fully

acquainted with the character of his friend, guessed pretty accurately

all that was passing in his mind: for the worthy Irishman, on his part,

was determined not to separate from his new friends, whether they were

lunatics or not, until he had ascertained if any thing was to be got

out of them either in the shape of money or whiskey, or both;--“hould

your tongue, ye spalpeen! and let’s hear what his lor-rdship has to say

upon the matther.”

“Well, as I was informing you, gentlemen,” resumed Trevelyan,

who considered that a proper explanation was fully due to those

who had acted such a gallant part in the late proceedings, “the

house whence you just now so effectually aided us to escape, is a

lunatic-asylum--and the men against whom you fought were the keepers.”

“And who--who were the--the--lunatics?” asked Frank Curtis, perspiring

at every pore--for the effects of the whiskey which he had been

drinking were completely absorbed in the terror that now influenced him.

“Be Jasus! and I won’t have such questions put to my intimate frind

his lor-r-dship, and my parthicular frind the baronet!“ ejaculated

Captain O’Blunderbuss, bestowing upon Frank’s ribs such an unmerciful

nudge with his elbow that the gentleman who was made the recipient of

the said poke writhed horribly in his seat. “Prosade, sir--my lor-r-d,

I mane,” added the gallant officer, who, in spite of his civility

towards the nobleman and the baronet, firmly believed that they were

lunatics, and had usurped titles to which they had not the slightest

claim nor right.

“Your companion asked me who were the lunatics,” said Trevelyan,

beginning to be somewhat astonished at the manner of his new friends:

“well, to tell you the candid truth, myself and Sir Gilbert Heathcote

were supposed to be--although I leave you both to judge whether there

could have been the slightest ground for such an idea.”

“O Lord!--O Lord!” murmured Frank Curtis; and again his hand, which he

had withdrawn when the captain nudged him, was thrust out of the window

to grasp the door-latch.

“Are you unwell, my dear sir?” inquired Sir Gilbert Heathcote, in

a tone of much concern--for, being seated precisely opposite to

Curtis, he had heard the murmured ejaculations which had escaped that

individual’s lips.

“Yes--very,” replied Frank, with a hollow groan.

“Be asy, thin, can’t ye?” whispered the Captain savagely in his ear, at

the same time favouring him with another barbarous nudge in the ribs.

“Oh! it’s nothln’ at all, at all, with my frind, I can assure ye, my

lor-r-d and Sir Gilbert,” exclaimed the gallant officer aloud: “he’s

throubled with whazing in the throat when he’s been afther dhrinking an

exthra dhrop of potheen--and may be the motion of the cab don’t quite

agree with him, bad luck to his nonsense! Well, my lor-r-d, ye were

afther telling us that your lor-r-dship’s ownself and Sir Gilbert were

belaved to be the lunatics?”

“Just so,” answered Trevelyan; “and had not the affair proved a very

serious one to my friend Heathcote, I should be inclined to laugh at

the ludicrous manner in which it terminated. Heathcote was immured

in that asylum under most treacherous circumstances a short time

ago--although, I need scarcely inform you, there was not the slightest

pretense for the imputation of insanity----”

“Be the holy poker-r! and any one that’s blind could see that same!”

ejaculated Captain O’Blunderbuss.

“O Lord!” again moaned Frank Curtis; and he slily and stealthily turned

the handle of the cab door.

“Determined to rescue my friend,” continued Lord William Trevelyan,

“I induced two medical gentlemen, who are under some obligations to

me, and whom I admitted into my confidence, to sign the necessary

certificates to consign me to a lunatic asylum----”

“O Lord--O Lord!” groaned Curtis, more deeply than before; for even if

he had hitherto entertained any doubt as to the state of Trevelyan’s

mind, the singular averment just made was quite sufficient to confirm

him in the opinion that he was in company with a decided lunatic.

“What the divvel ails ye, man?” growled Captain O’Blunderbuss.

“Prosade, my lor-r-d. I’m dapely intherested in your lor-rdship’s

narrative.”

“Having thus obtained the certificates,” continued Trevelyan, “I

tutored my valet how to act--and he accordingly consigned me to the

care of Dr. Swinton--the old gentleman whom you saw in a dressing-gown

and night-cap at the foot of the stairs.”

“An arrant ould scounthrel, I’ve no doubt,” interjected the Captain.

“It was necessary, under the circumstances,” resumed Trevelyan, “to

fight Sir Gilbert’s enemies with their own weapons. Cunning against

cunning--duplicity against duplicity! That was the plan I adopted; and

I affected insanity so well, that the Doctor was completely deceived.”

“Be the power-rs! this is excellent,” ejaculated Captain O’Blunderbuss.

“It’s not ivery one that could desayve a mad-docthor so well.”

“I really believe that he imagined me to be as mad as a March hare,”

said Trevelyan.

“And so you are!” yelled forth Frank Curtis, suddenly throwing the door

wide open and making a desperate attempt to leap from the cab, even at

the risk of breaking his neck or fracturing his skull--for his terrors

had risen to such a pitch that confinement in the vehicle along with

two persons whom he firmly believed to be downright mad-men, had become

utterly unendurable:--but the iron grasp of the Captain clutched him

by the back part of his collar just as he was on the point of bounding

franticly forth into the road--and he was compelled, not however

without a struggle, to resume his seat.

This proceeding on the part of Frank Curtis suddenly opened the eyes

of both Trevelyan and the baronet to the impressions which the recent

proceedings had unmistakeably and naturally made on the minds of

their new friends: as if a light had darted in upon them, they now

comprehended the cause of Frank Curtis’s singular manner almost ever

since they first entered the vehicle;--and they likewise perceived

(though they did not rightly interpret) the courtesy which had not only

rendered Captain O’Blunderbuss so good a listener to the explanations

given by Trevelyan, but had also prompted him to silence and coerce his

companion as much as possible.

Accordingly, Trevelyan and Sir Gilbert Heathcote simultaneously broke

out into such a hearty fit of laughter that Frank Curtis began to

console himself with the idea that they were at least harmless; while

Captain O’Blunderbuss set them down as the merriest lunatics he had

ever encountered in all his life, and joined with unfeigned cordiality

in their glee.

“And so you really thought that we were mad?” exclaimed Trevelyan, as

soon as he could compose himself sufficiently to speak.

“Oh! not at all, at all!” cried the Captain.

“But Mr. Curtis firmly believes that we are neither more nor less than

lunatics?” said the young nobleman, enjoying the scene.

“Be Jasus! and if he darrs insulth your lor-rdship and your

lor-rdship’s frind by even suspicting such a thing, he shall mate me

to-morrow mornin’ at twelve paces on Wimbledon Common!” exclaimed the

gallant and warlike gentleman.

“Really you excite yourself too much in our behalf, Captain,” observed

Trevelyan, who saw plainly enough that O’Blunderbuss was adopting

just such a tone and manner as one would use to conciliate and soothe

lunatics. “Now tell us the truth, my dear sir,” continued the young

nobleman: “do you not think that if we are actually and positively

crazy, you and Mr. Curtis cannot boast of being perfectly sane?”

“Be Jasus! and that same is precisely what I’ve often been afther

thinking!” cried the Captain, determined to humour the supposed

lunatics as much as possible. “As for Frank Curtis here, he’s as mad as

the Irish pig that wouldn’t go one particular way save and excipt at

such times that it belaved it was being driv another. As for meself,

bad luck to me! I’m not blind to my own failings--and I know purty well

that I’m as cracked as any damned ould laky tay-kettle.”

The accommodating humour of Captain O’Blunderbuss, who unhesitatingly

pronounced himself and his friend Mr. Curtis to be insane, under the

impression that such an admission would prove highly gratifying to

those to whom it was made, produced such an effect upon the young

nobleman and the baronet, that they became almost convulsed with

laughter: and it was indeed fortunate that this scene occurred,

inasmuch as its extreme ludicrousness tended materially to raise the

spirits of Sir Gilbert Heathcote after the wrongs he had suffered and

the incarceration he had endured.

It is impossible to say how long the equivoque and the consequent

hilarity would have lasted, had not the cab suddenly stopped in front

of a handsome house in Park square.

“Now,” thought both Captain O’Blunderbuss and Frank Curtis at the

same time, “we shall see the bubble burst very shortly; and it will

transpire who our two mad friends really are.”

The summons at the front-door was speedily answered by the appearance

of Fitzgeorge in his plain clothes and a couple of footmen in livery,

all of whom had waited up the whole night in expectation of the

probable return of their master.

As for Fitzgeorge, he ran up to the door of the cab, and perceiving Sir

Gilbert inside, exclaimed with unaffected delight, “Thank God! your

lordship’s scheme has proved triumphant!”

At these words Captain O’Blunderbuss and Mr. Frank Curtis uttered

involuntary ejaculations of astonishment: for they began to think that

one of their new friends was really a nobleman after all, and that they

might neither of them prove to be lunatics in the long run.

Leaping from the cab, Trevelyan invited the gallant gentleman and his

companion to enter the house, observing, with a laugh, “However insane

we may all be, we will at least exercise the common prudence of taking

a little refreshment after all the hard work and momentous proceedings

of the night.”

In a few instants the Captain and Frank found themselves conducted into

an elegantly furnished apartment, in the midst of which was a table

laid out with costly plate, and spread with a cold repast consisting

of dainties that made their months water even to gaze upon. It was

likewise a source of great satisfaction to the two gentlemen to behold

a buffet well stored with wine and spirits, amongst which latter the

Captain had no difficulty in recognising some poteen of the real

orthodox colour.

The nobleman and his guests took their seats at table, and did

ample justice alike to viands and to wine. Indeed, it was amazingly

refreshing to behold the appetite with which the Captain and Frank

Curtis addressed themselves to the former, and the zest with which they

partook of the latter. They no longer believed that either Trevelyan

or Sir Gilbert was mad; and when the former gave them the whole

particulars of the story which he had only half finished in the cab,

they laughed heartily at the misconceptions they had formed.

Under the influence of the poteen, which was duly produced after

supper,--if supper such a meal could called, as it was now long past

three o’clock in the morning,--the Captain and Frank Curtis became

particularly talkative; when it appeared that, existing under grievous

apprehension of certain formidable beings denominated “sheriff’s

officers,” they had hired lodgings in the classic region of Globe

Town, and that, having spent the evening and best portion of the night

at a public-house in the Hackney Road, they were taking a short cut

homeward, past the Doctor’s house, when they became the witnesses of

the scene wherein they immediately after bore so distinguished a part.

From these and other revelations, which the Captain purposely

suffered to ooze out as if quite unintentionally, Trevelyan and Sir

Gilbert gleaned sufficient to convince them that their new friends

were “gentlemen under a cloud;” and they were not sorry at having

ascertained a fact which at once placed them in a position to testify

their gratitude for the services of the night.

Accordingly, after exchanging a few words in a low tone with Sir

Gilbert, Lord William Trevelyan wrote something upon a slip of paper,

and then addressed Captain O’Blunderbuss and Frank Curtis in the

following manner:--

“You will pardon me, my friends, for the liberty I am about to take

and the observations I am on the point of offering. But it has struck

Sir Gilbert Heathcote and myself, from certain words which fell from

your lips in the excitement of convivial discourse, that you have

experienced some little disappointment respecting the arrival of

remittances; and we shall be alike honoured and rejoiced if you will

permit us to use the freedom of friends under such circumstances. It

is probable that a few hundreds may be of some trifling service to you

at this moment; and it will prove a source of unfeigned delight to Sir

Gilbert and myself if, in return for the generous aid you afforded us,

we can in any way relieve you from a temporary inconvenience.”

Thus speaking, Lord William handed the slip of paper to Captain

O’Blunderbuss, who, hastily glancing at it as he folded it up

preparatory to consignment to his pocket, observed that it was a cheque

for five hundred pounds.

“Be Jasus! my dear frinds,” he exclaimed, addressing himself to the

young nobleman and the baronet, “ye do things in such a handsome way

that I don’t know how to expriss my thanks at all, at all. Curthis, ye

spalpeen!” he cried, suddenly turning round upon his companion, “why

the divvel don’t ye jine in making a spache on the occasion?--since

my lor-r-d and Sir Gilbert have lint us five hunthred pounds to

relave us from our timporary difficulties. But I’ll unthertake to

repay that same, my frinds,” he continued, again addressing his words

directly to Trevelyan and Heathcote, “the moment I resave my rints

from Ould Ir-reland--and bad luck to ’em! So here’s afther wishing us

succiss--and be damned to all mad-docthors, say I!”

Having achieved this beautiful peroration, Captain O’Blunderbuss tossed

off at a single draught the entire contents of a large tumbler of

scalding toddy, and then rose to take his departure.

Frank Curtis, who was in a most glorious state of mental

obfuscation--beholding two Trevelyans, two baronets, two captains,

and heaven only knows how many wax-candles--was with some difficulty

induced to stand upon his legs; and his Irish friend was more troubled

still to make him use the aforesaid legs when he did get upon them.

However, after some little persuasion and more threatening on the part

of the Captain, Frank Curtis suffered himself to be led forth from the

hospitable mansion.

As soon as Trevelyan and Sir Gilbert Heathcote were alone, the former

related to his friend the particulars of the various interviews which

had taken place between himself and Mrs. Sefton--that lady’s discovery

of her daughter Agnes--and her removal to the villa at Bayswater.

The baronet was profoundly agitated--but it was with mingled surprise

and joy--when he heard those tidings relative to Agnes: he rose and

paced the room with uneven steps,--and then, reseating himself,

appeared anxious to make certain revelations--or rather, unbosom his

mind to his young friend. But, feeling perhaps unequal to the task

at that moment, after the long hours of excitement through which he

had just passed, he said, abruptly, “Trevelyan, I have matters of

importance to confide to you: but it shall be for another occasion! I

must now leave you--’tis nearly five o’clock--the morning has dawned

some time--and I am impatient to repair to the villa at Bayswater.”

“Will you not take an hour’s repose before you depart?” inquired Lord

William Trevelyan.

“Oh! I could not close my eyes in sleep again until I have embraced

those who----But pardon me for this excitement--this agitation,”

exclaimed Sir Gilbert, interrupting himself suddenly. “To-morrow I will

tell you all--everything,” he added, pressing Trevelyan’s hand warmly:

“and then you will better comprehend the feelings which move me now.

Farewell, my dear friend, for the present.”

Sir Gilbert was about to take his departure, when Fitzgeorge entered

the room, and addressing himself to his master, said, “My lord, I had

forgotten to inform your lordship that when I returned hither last

evening, after leaving you at Dr. Swinton’s, I found the Marquis of

Delmour waiting----”

“The Marquis of Delmour!” ejaculated Sir Gilbert Heathcote.

“Yes, sir,” replied Fitzgeorge. “The Marquis appeared to be in a very

excited state, and was most anxious to see your lordship,” continued

the valet, again addressing himself to his master. “I assured him that

your lordship was gone out of town, and might not return for a day or

two--whereupon he almost flew into a rage with me for giving him such

information. He paced the room in great agitation, and asked me several

questions relative to any ladies who might visit at the mansion: but I

answered that your lordship was not accustomed to receive visitresses

at all. At length he took his departure, stating that he should call

again in the morning at ten o’clock, and take his chance of finding

your lordship at home.”

“I understand full well the meaning of this visit on the part of the

Marquis,” said Sir Gilbert Heathcote to Trevelyan, when the valet had

retired; “but I have not time for explanations now. My impatience to

repair to Bayswater is intense, unseasonable though the hour is for

arousing ladies from their slumbers. One request I have, however,

to make, my dear Trevelyan,” added the baronet; “and this is, that

you will not, under any circumstances, communicate to the Marquis of

Delmour the address of the villa occupied by Mrs. Sefton and Agnes.”

“Be well assured, my dear friend,” answered the young nobleman, “that

the secret is safe with me.”

The baronet wrung Trevelyan’s hand with the cordial warmth of deep

gratitude and sincere attachment, and then took his departure.

Lord William lay down for a few hours, and enjoyed a sound slumber

until nine o’clock, when he rose and dressed himself to receive the

Marquis of Delmour.

Punctually as the clock struck ten, a handsome carriage drove up to the

door; and the Marquis, hastily alighting, was immediately conducted

into the drawing-room where Trevelyan awaited his presence.