CHAPTER XXVI

The Stage--Coachmen of England--A Bully Served Out--Broughton's Guard--The

Brazen Head.

I lived on very good terms, not only with the master and the old ostler,

but with all the domestics and hangers on at the inn; waiters,

chambermaids, cooks, and scullions, not forgetting the "boots," of which

there were three. As for the postillions, I was sworn brother with them

all, and some of them went so far as to swear that I was the best fellow

in the world; for which high opinion entertained by them of me, I believe

I was principally indebted to the good account their comrade gave of me,

whom I had so hospitably received in the dingle. I repeat that I lived

on good terms with all the people connected with the inn, and was noticed

and spoken kindly to by some of the guests--especially by that class

termed commercial travellers--all of whom were great friends and

patronizers of the landlord, and were the principal promoters of the

dinner, and subscribers to the gift of plate, which I have already spoken

of, the whole fraternity striking me as the jolliest set of fellows

imaginable, the best customers to an inn, and the most liberal to

servants; there was one description of persons, however, frequenting the

inn, which I did not like at all, and which I did not get on well with,

and these people were the stage-coachmen.

The stage-coachmen of England, at the time of which I am speaking,

considered themselves mighty fine gentry, nay, I verily believe the most

important personages of the realm, and their entertaining this high

opinion of themselves can scarcely be wondered at; they were low fellows,

but masters at driving; driving was in fashion, and sprigs of nobility

used to dress as coachmen and imitate the slang and behaviour of the

coachmen, from whom occasionally they would take lessons in driving as

they sat beside them on the box, which post of honour any sprig of

nobility who happened to take a place on a coach claimed as his

unquestionable right; and these sprigs would smoke cigars and drink

sherry with the coachmen in bar-rooms, and on the road; and, when bidding

them farewell, would give them a guinea or a half-guinea, and shake them

by the hand, so that these fellows, being low fellows, very naturally

thought no small liquor of themselves, but would talk familiarly of their

friends lords so and so, the honourable misters so and so, and Sir Harry

and Sir Charles, and be wonderfully saucy to any one who was not a lord,

or something of the kind; and this high opinion of themselves received

daily augmentation from the servile homage paid them by the generality of

the untitled male passengers, especially those on the fore part of the

coach, who used to contend for the honour of sitting on the box with the

coachman when no sprig was nigh to put in his claim. Oh! what servile

homage these craven creatures did pay these same coach fellows, more

especially after witnessing this or t'other act of brutality practised

upon the weak and unoffending--upon some poor friendless woman travelling

with but little money, and perhaps a brace of hungry children with her,

or upon some thin and half-starved man travelling on the hind part of the

coach from London to Liverpool with only eighteen pence in his pocket

after his fare was paid, to defray his expenses on the road; for as the

insolence of these knights was vast, so was their rapacity enormous; they

had been so long accustomed to have crowns and half-crowns rained upon

them by their admirers and flatterers, that they would look at a

shilling, for which many an honest labourer was happy to toil for ten

hours under a broiling sun, with the utmost contempt; would blow upon it

derisively, or fillip it into the air before they pocketed it; but when

nothing was given them, as would occasionally happen--for how could they

receive from those who had nothing? and nobody was bound to give them

anything, as they had certain wages from their employers--then what a

scene would ensue! Truly the brutality and rapacious insolence of

English coachmen had reached a climax; it was time that these fellows

should be disenchanted, and the time--thank Heaven!--was not far distant.

Let the craven dastards who used to curry favour with them, and applaud

their brutality, lament their loss now that they and their vehicles have

disappeared from the roads; I, who have ever been an enemy to insolence,

cruelty, and tyranny, loathe their memory, and, what is more, am not

afraid to say so, well aware of the storm of vituperation, partly learnt

from them, which I may expect from those who used to fall down and

worship them.

Amongst the coachmen who frequented the inn was one who was called "the

bang-up coachman." He drove to our inn, in the fore part of every day,

one of what were called the fast coaches, and afterwards took back the

corresponding vehicle. He stayed at our house about twenty minutes,

during which time the passengers of the coach which he was to return with

dined; those at least who were inclined for dinner, and could pay for it.

He derived his sobriquet of "the bang-up coachman" partly from his being

dressed in the extremity of coach dandyism, and partly from the peculiar

insolence of his manner, and the unmerciful fashion in which he was in

the habit of lashing on the poor horses committed to his charge. He was

a large tall fellow, of about thirty, with a face which, had it not been

bloated by excess, and insolence and cruelty stamped most visibly upon

it, might have been called good-looking. His insolence indeed was so

great, that he was hated by all the minor fry connected with coaches

along the road upon which he drove, especially the ostlers, whom he was

continually abusing or finding fault with. Many was the hearty curse

which he received when his back was turned; but the generality of people

were much afraid of him, for he was a swinging strong fellow, and had the

reputation of being a fighter, and in one or two instances had beaten in

a barbarous manner individuals who had quarrelled with him.

I was nearly having a fracas with this worthy. One day, after he had

been drinking sherry with a sprig, he swaggered into the yard where I

happened to be standing; just then a waiter came by carrying upon a tray

part of a splendid Cheshire cheese, with a knife, plate, and napkin.

Stopping the waiter, the coachman cut with the knife a tolerably large

lump out of the very middle of the cheese, stuck it on the end of the

knife, and putting it to his mouth nibbled a slight piece off it, and

then, tossing the rest away with disdain, flung the knife down upon the

tray, motioning the waiter to proceed; "I wish," said I, "you may not

want before you die what you have just flung away," whereupon the fellow

turned furiously towards me; just then, however, his coach being standing

at the door, there was a cry for coachman, so that he was forced to

depart, contenting himself for the present with shaking his fist at me,

and threatening to serve me out on the first opportunity; before,

however, the opportunity occurred he himself got served out in a most

unexpected manner.

The day after this incident he drove his coach to the inn, and after

having dismounted and received the contributions of the generality of the

passengers, he strutted up, with a cigar in his mouth, to an individual

who had come with him, and who had just asked me a question with respect

to the direction of a village about three miles off, to which he was

going. "Remember the coachman," said the knight of the box to this

individual, who was a thin person of about sixty, with a white hat,

rather shabby black coat, and buff-coloured trousers, and who held an

umbrella and a small bundle in his hand. "If you expect me to give you

anything," said he to the coachman, "you are mistaken; I will give you

nothing. You have been very insolent to me as I rode behind you on the

coach, and have encouraged two or three trumpery fellows, who rode along

with you, to cut scurvy jokes at my expense, and now you come to me for

money; I am not so poor, but I could have given you a shilling had you

been civil; as it is, I will give you nothing." "Oh! you won't, won't

you?" said the coachman; "dear me! I hope I shan't starve because you

won't give me anything--a shilling! why, I could afford to give you

twenty if I thought fit, you pauper! civil to you, indeed! things are

come to a fine pass if I need be civil to you! Do you know who you are

speaking to? why, the best lords in the country are proud to speak to me.

Why, it was only the other day that the Marquis of--said to me--" and

then he went on to say what the Marquis said to him; after which,

flinging down his cigar, he strutted up the road, swearing to himself

about paupers.

"You say it is three miles to ---," said the individual to me; "I think I

shall light my pipe, and smoke it as I go along." Thereupon he took out

from a side-pocket a tobacco-box and short meerschaum pipe, and

implements for striking a light, filled his pipe, lighted it, and

commenced smoking. Presently the coachman drew near. I saw at once that

there was mischief in his eye; the man smoking was standing with his back

towards him, and he came so nigh to him, seemingly purposely, that as he

passed a puff of smoke came of necessity against his face. "What do you

mean by smoking in my face?" said he, striking the pipe of the elderly

individual out of his mouth. The other, without manifesting much

surprise, said, "I thank you; and if you will wait a minute, I will give

you a receipt for that favour;" then gathering up his pipe, and taking

off his coat and hat, he laid them on a stepping-block which stood near,

and rubbing his hands together, he advanced towards the coachman in an

attitude of offence, holding his hands crossed very near to his face. The

coachman, who probably expected anything but such a movement from a

person of the age and appearance of the individual whom he had insulted,

stood for a moment motionless with surprise; but, recollecting himself,

he pointed at him derisively with his finger; the next moment, however,

the other was close upon him, had struck aside the extended hand with his

left fist, and given him a severe blow on the nose with his right, which

he immediately followed by a left-hand blow in the eye; then drawing his

body slightly backward, with the velocity of lightning he struck the

coachman full in the mouth, and the last blow was the severest of all,

for it cut the coachman's lips nearly through; blows so quickly and

sharply dealt I had never seen. The coachman reeled like a fir-tree in a

gale, and seemed nearly unsensed. "Ho! what's this? a fight! a fight!"

sounded from a dozen voices, and people came running from all directions

to see what was going on. The coachman, coming somewhat to himself,

disencumbered himself of his coat and hat; and, encouraged by two or

three of his brothers of the whip, showed some symptoms of fighting,

endeavouring to close with his foe, but the attempt was vain, for his foe

was not to be closed with; he did not shift or dodge about, but warded

off the blows of his opponent with the greatest sang-froid, always using

the guard which I have already described, and putting in, in return,

short chopping blows with the swiftness of lightning. In a very few

minutes the countenance of the coachman was literally cut to pieces, and

several of his teeth were dislodged; at length he gave in; stung with

mortification, however, he repented, and asked for another round; it was

granted, to his own complete demolition. The coachman did not drive his

coach back that day, he did not appear on the box again for a week; but

he never held up his head afterwards. Before I quitted the inn, he had

disappeared from the road, going no one knew where.

The coachman, as I have said before, was very much disliked upon the

road, but there was an esprit de corps amongst the coachmen, and those

who stood by did not like to see their brother chastised in such

tremendous fashion. "I never saw such a fight before," said one. "Fight!

why, I don't call it a fight at all; this chap here ha'n't got a scratch,

whereas Tom is cut to pieces; it is all along of that guard of his; if

Tom could have got within his guard he would have soon served the old

chap out." "So he would," said another, "it was all owing to that guard.

However, I think I see into it, and if I had not to drive this afternoon,

I would have a turn with the old fellow and soon serve him out." "I will

fight him now for a guinea," said the other coachman, half taking off his

coat; observing, however, that the elderly individual made a motion

towards him, he hitched it upon his shoulder again, and added, "that is,

if he had not been fighting already, but as it is, I am above taking an

advantage, especially of such a poor old creature as that." And when he

had said this, he looked around him, and there was a feeble titter of

approbation from two or three of the craven crew, who were in the habit

of currying favour with the coachmen. The elderly individual looked for

a moment at these last, and then said, "To such fellows as you I have

nothing to say;" then turning to the coachmen, "and as for you," he said,

"ye cowardly bullies, I have but one word, which is, that your reign upon

the roads is nearly over, and that a time is coming when ye will no

longer be wanted or employed in your present capacity, when ye will

either have to drive dung-carts, assist as ostlers at village ale-houses,

or rot in the workhouse." Then putting on his coat and hat, and taking

up his bundle, not forgetting his meerschaum, and the rest of his smoking

apparatus, he departed on his way. Filled with curiosity, I followed

him.

"I am quite astonished that you should be able to use your hands in the

way you have done," said I, as I walked with this individual in the

direction in which he was bound.

"I will tell you how I became able to do so," said the elderly

individual, proceeding to fill and light his pipe as he walked along. "My

father was a journeyman engraver, who lived in a very riotous

neighbourhood in the outskirts of London. Wishing to give me something

of an education, he sent me to a day-school, two or three streets distant

from where we lived, and there, being rather a puny boy, I suffered much

persecution from my schoolfellows, who were a very blackguard set. One

day, as I was running home, with one of my tormentors pursuing me, old

Sergeant Broughton, the retired fighting-man, seized me by the arm--"

"Dear me," said I, "has it ever been your luck to be acquainted with

Sergeant Broughton?"

"You may well call it luck," said the elderly individual; "but for him I

should never have been able to make my way through the world. He lived

only four doors from our house; so, as I was running along the street,

with my tyrant behind me, Sergeant Broughton seized me by the arm. 'Stop,

my boy,' said he; 'I have frequently seen that scamp ill-treating you;

now I will teach you how to send him home with a bloody nose; down with

your bag of books; and now, my game chick,' whispered he to me, placing

himself between me and my adversary, so that he could not observe his

motions; 'clench your fist in this manner, and hold your arms in this,

and when he strikes at you, move them as I now show you, and he can't

hurt you; now, don't be afraid, but go at him.' I confess that I was

somewhat afraid, but I considered myself in some degree under the

protection of the famous Sergeant, and, clenching my fist, I went at my

foe, using the guard which my ally recommended. The result corresponded

to a certain degree with the predictions of the Sergeant; I gave my foe a

bloody nose and a black eye, though, notwithstanding my recent lesson in

the art of self-defence, he contrived to give me two or three clumsy

blows. From that moment I was the especial favourite of the Sergeant,

who gave me further lessons, so that in a little time I became a very

fair boxer, beating everybody of my own size who attacked me. The old

gentleman, however, made me promise never to be quarrelsome, nor to turn

his instructions to account, except in self-defence. I have always borne

in mind my promise, and have made it a point of conscience never to fight

unless absolutely compelled. Folks may rail against boxing if they

please, but being able to box may sometimes stand a quiet man in good

stead. How should I have fared to-day, but for the instructions of

Sergeant Broughton? But for them, the brutal ruffian who insulted me

must have passed unpunished. He will not soon forget the lesson which I

have just given him--the only lesson he could understand. What would

have been the use of reasoning with a fellow of that description? Brave

old Broughton! I owe him much."

"And your manner of fighting," said I, "was the manner employed by

Sergeant Broughton?"

"Yes," said my new acquaintance; "it was the manner in which he beat

every one who attempted to contend with him, till, in an evil hour, he

entered the ring with Slack, without any training or preparation, and by

a chance blow lost the battle to a man who had been beaten with ease by

those who, in the hands of Broughton, appeared like so many children. It

was the way of fighting of him who first taught Englishmen to box

scientifically, who was the head and father of the fighters of what is

now called the old school, the last of which were Johnson and Big Ben."

"A wonderful man, that Big Ben," said I.

"He was so," said the elderly individual; "but had it not been for

Broughton, I question whether Ben would have ever been the fighter he

was. Oh! there was no one like old Broughton; but for him I should at

the present moment be sneaking along the road, pursued by the hissings

and hootings of the dirty flatterers of that blackguard coachman."

"What did you mean," said I, "by those words of yours, that the coachmen

would speedily disappear from the roads?"

"I meant," said he, "that a new method of travelling is about to be

established, which will supersede the old. I am a poor engraver, as my

father was before me; but engraving is an intellectual trade, and by

following it, I have been brought in contact with some of the cleverest

men in England. It has even made me acquainted with the projector of the

scheme, which he has told me many of the wisest heads of England have

been dreaming of during a period of six hundred years, and which it seems

was alluded to by a certain Brazen Head in the story-book of Friar Bacon,

who is generally supposed to have been a wizard, but in reality was a

great philosopher. Young man, in less than twenty years, by which time I

shall be dead and gone, England will be surrounded with roads of metal,

on which armies may travel with mighty velocity, and of which the walls

of brass and iron by which the friar proposed to defend his native land

are the types." He then, shaking me by the hand, proceeded on his way,

whilst I returned to the inn.