CHAPTER III--On Foreign Nonsense.

With respect to the third point, various lessons which the book reads to

the nation at large, and which it would be well for the nation to ponder

and profit by.

There are many species of nonsense to which the nation is much addicted,

and of which the perusal of Lavengro ought to give them a wholesome

shame. First of all, with respect to the foreign nonsense so prevalent

now in England. The hero is a scholar; but, though possessed of a great

many tongues, he affects to be neither Frenchman, nor German, nor this or

that foreigner; he is one who loves his country, and the language and

literature of his country, and speaks up for each and all when there is

occasion to do so. Now what is the case with nine out of ten amongst

those of the English who study foreign languages? No sooner have they

picked up a smattering of this or that speech than they begin to abuse

their own country, and everything connected with it, more especially its

language. This is particularly the case with those who call themselves

German students. It is said, and the writer believes with truth, that

when a woman falls in love with a particularly ugly fellow, she squeezes

him with ten times more zest than she would a handsome one, if captivated

by him. So it is with these German students; no sooner have they taken

German in hand than there is nothing like German. Oh, the dear

delightful German! How proud I am that it is now my own, and that its

divine literature is within my reach! And all this whilst mumbling the

most uncouth speech, and crunching the most crabbed literature in Europe.

The writer is not an exclusive admirer of everything English; he does not

advise his country people never to go abroad, never to study foreign

languages, and he does not wish to persuade them that there is nothing

beautiful or valuable in foreign literature; he only wishes that they

would not make themselves fools with respect to foreign people, foreign

languages or reading; that if they chance to have been in Spain, and have

picked up a little Spanish, they would not affect the airs of Spaniards;

that if males they would not make Tomfools of themselves by sticking

cigars into their mouths, dressing themselves in zamarras, and saying,

carajo! {2} and if females that they would not make zanies of themselves

by sticking cigars into their mouths, flinging mantillas over their

heads, and by saying carai, and perhaps carajo too; or if they have been

in France or Italy, and have picked up a little French or Italian, they

would not affect to be French or Italians; and particularly, after having

been a month or two in Germany, or picked up a little German in England,

they would not make themselves foolish about everything German, as the

Anglo-German in the book does--a real character, the founder of the Anglo-

German school in England, and the cleverest Englishman who ever talked or

wrote encomiastic nonsense about Germany and the Germans. Of all

infatuations connected with what is foreign, the infatuation about

everything that is German, to a certain extent prevalent in England, is

assuredly the most ridiculous. One can find something like a palliation

for people making themselves somewhat foolish about particular languages,

literatures, and people. The Spanish certainly is a noble language, and

there is something wild and captivating in the Spanish character, and its

literature contains the grand book of the world. French is a manly

language. The French are the great martial people in the world; and

French literature is admirable in many respects. Italian is a sweet

language, and of beautiful simplicity--its literature perhaps the first

in the world. The Italians!--wonderful men have sprung up in Italy.

Italy is not merely famous for painters, poets, musicians, singers, and

linguists--the greatest linguist the world ever saw, the late Cardinal

Mezzofanti, was an Italian; but it is celebrated for men--men

emphatically speaking: Columbus was an Italian, Alexander Farnese was an

Italian, so was the mightiest of the mighty, Napoleon Bonaparte;--but the

German language, German literature, and the Germans! The writer has

already stated his opinion with respect to German; he does not speak from

ignorance or prejudice; he has heard German spoken, and many other

languages. German literature! He does not speak from ignorance, he has

read that and many a literature, and he repeats-- However, he

acknowledges that there is one fine poem in the German language, that

poem is the "Oberon;" a poem, by the bye, ignored by the Germans--a

speaking fact--and of course, by the Anglo-Germanists. The Germans! he

has been amongst them, and amongst many other nations, and confesses that

his opinion of the Germans, as men, is a very low one. Germany, it is

true, has produced one very great man, the monk who fought the Pope, and

nearly knocked him down; but this man his countrymen--a telling

fact--affect to despise, and, of course, the Anglo-Germanists: the father

of Anglo-Germanism was very fond of inveighing against Luther.

The madness, or rather foolery, of the English for foreign customs,

dresses, and languages, is not an affair of to-day, or yesterday--it is

of very ancient date, and was very properly exposed nearly three

centuries ago by one Andrew Borde, who under the picture of a "Naked man,

with a pair of shears in one hand, and a roll of cloth in the other," {3}

inserted the following lines along with others:--

"I am an Englishman, and naked I stand here,

Musing in my mind what garment I shall weare;

For now I will weare this, and now I will weare that,

Now I will weare, I cannot tell what.

All new fashions be pleasant to mee,

I will have them, whether I thrive or thee;

What do I care if all the world me fail?

I will have a garment reach to my taile;

Then am I a minion, for I wear the new guise.

The next yeare after I hope to be wise,

Not only in wearing my gorgeous array,

For I will go to learning a whole summer's day;

I will learn Latine, Hebrew, Greek, and French,

And I will learn Dutch, sitting on my bench.

I had no peere if to myself I were true,

Because I am not so, divers times do I rue.

Yet I lacke nothing, I have all things at will

If I were wise and would hold myself still,

And meddle with no matters but to me pertaining,

But ever to be true to God and my king.

But I have such matters rowling in my pate,

That I will and do--I cannot tell what," etc.