CHAPTER VI

THE BIG HORSE

"It's too ridiculous," she said. "Since last night, when I got to

thinking how I must have looked, wrestling with that conductor, I've

been telling myself that if I ever saw you again, I'd try to act like a

lady. But it's no use, is it?"

He said that he, too, had hoped to make a better impression the second

time than the first. That was what he brought the books back for. He had

hoped to convince her that a man capable of consigning a half-drowned

girl to a ten-mile ride on the elevated, instead of walking her over to

his sister's, having her dried out properly, and sent home in a motor,

wasn't permanently and chronically as blithering an idiot as he may have

seemed. It was a great load off of his mind to find her alive at all.

She gave him a humorously exaggerated account of the prophylactic

measures her mother had submitted her to the night before, and she

concluded:

"I'm awfully sorry mother's not at home--mother and my sister Portia.

They'd both like to thank you for--looking after me last night. Because

really, you did, you know."

"There never was anything less altruistic in the world," he assured her.

"I dropped off of that car solely in pursuit of a selfish aim. And I

didn't come out here to-day to be thanked, either. I mean, of course,

I'd enjoy meeting your mother and sister very much, but what I came for

was to get acquainted with you."

He saw her glance wander a little dubiously to the door. "That is," he

concluded, "if you haven't something else to do."

She flushed and smiled. "No, it wasn't that," she said, "I was trying to

make up my mind whether it would be better to ask you to wait here ten

minutes while I went up and made myself a little more presentable.... I

mean, whether you'd rather have me fit to look at, or have me like this

and not be bored by waiting. It's all one to me, you see, because even

if I did come down again presentable, you'd know--well, that I wasn't

that way naturally."

Whereupon he laughed out again, told her that a ten-minute wait would

bore him horribly, and that if she didn't mind, he much preferred her

natural.

"All right," she said, and went on with the conversation where she had

interrupted it.

"Why, I'm nobody much to get acquainted with," she said. "Mother's the

interesting one--mother and Portia. Mother's quite a person. She's Naomi

Rutledge Stanton, you know."

"I know I ought to know," Rodney said, and her quick appreciative smile

over his candor rewarded him for not having pretended.

"Oh," she said, "mother's written two or three books, and lots of

magazine articles, about women--women's rights and suffrage, and all

that. She's been--well, sort of a leader ever since she graduated from

college, back in--just think!--1870, when most girls used to

have--accomplishments--'French, music, and washing extra,' you know."

She said it all with a quite adorable seriousness and his gravity

matched hers when he replied:

"I would like to meet her very much. Feminism's a subject I'm blankly

ignorant about."

"I don't believe," she said thoughtfully, "that I'd call it feminism in

talking to mother about it, if I were you. Mother's a suffragist,

but"--there came another wave of faint color along with her

smile--"but--well, she's awfully respectable, you know."

She didn't seem to mind his laughing out at that, though she didn't join

him.

"What about the other interesting member of the family," he asked

presently, "your sister? Which is she, a suffragist or a feminist?"

"I suppose," she said, "you'll call Portia a feminist. Anyway, she

smokes cigarettes. Oh, can't I get you some? I forgot!"

He had a case of his own in his pocket, he said, and got one out now

and lighted it.

"Why," she went on, "Portia hasn't time to talk about it much. You see,

she's a business woman. She's a house decorator. I don't mean painting

and paper-hanging. She tells you what kind of furniture to buy, and then

sells it to you. Portia's terribly clever and awfully independent."

"All right," he said. "That brings us down to you. What are you?"

She sighed. "I'm sort of a black sheep, I guess. I'm just in the

university. But I'm to be a lawyer."

Whereupon he cried out "Good lord!" so explosively that she fairly

jumped.

Then he apologized, said he didn't know why her announcement should have

taken him like that, except that the notion of her in court trying a

case--he was a lawyer himself--seemed rather startling.

She sighed. "And now I suppose," she said, "you'll advise me not to be.

Portia won't hear of my being a decorator. She says there's nothing in

it any more; and my two brothers--one's a professor of history and the

other's a high-school principal--say, 'Let her do anything but teach.'

One of mother's great friends is a doctor, and she says, 'Anything but

medicine,' so I suppose you'll say, 'Anything but law.'"

"Not a bit," he said. "It's the finest profession in the world."

But he said it off the top of his mind. Down below, it was still engaged

with the picture of her in a dismal court room, blazing up at a jury the

way she had blazed up at that street-car conductor. It was a queer

notion. He didn't know whether he liked it or not.

"I suppose," she hazarded, "that it's awfully dull and tiresome, though,

until you get way up to the top."

That roused him. "It's awfully dull when you do get to the top, or

what's called the top--being a client caretaker with the routine law

business of a few big corporations and rich estates going through your

office like grist through a mill. I can't imagine anything duller than

that. That's supposed to be the big reward, of course. That's the

bundle of hay they dangle in front of your nose to keep you trotting

straight along without trying to see around your blinders."

He was out of his chair now, tramping up and down the room. "You're not

supposed to discover that it's interesting. You're pretty well spoiled

for their purposes if you do. The thing to bear in mind, if you're going

to travel their road, is that a case is worth while in a precise and

unalterable ratio to the amount of money involved in it. If you question

that axiom at all seriously, you're lost. That's what happened to me."

He pulled up with a jerk, looked at her and laughed. "If my sister

Frederica were here," he explained, "she would warn you, out of a long

knowledge of my conversational habits, that now was the time for you to

ask me,--firmly, you know,--if I'd been to see Maude Adams in this new

thing of hers, or something like that. In Frederica's absence, I suppose

it's only fair to warn you myself. Have you been to see it? I haven't."

She smiled in a sort of contented amusement and let that do for an

answer to his question about Maude Adams. Then the smile transmuted

itself into a look of thoughtful gravity and there was a long silence

which, though it puzzled him, he made no move to break.

At last she pulled in a long breath, turned straight to him and said, "I

wish you'd tell me what _did_ happen to you."

And under the compelling sincerity of her, for the next two hours and a

half, or thereabouts, he did--told it as he had never told it

before--talked as Frederica, who thought she knew him, had never heard

him talk.

He told her how he had started at the foot of the ladder in one of the

big successful firms of what he called "client caretakers," drawing up

bills and writs, rounding up witnesses in personal injury suits, trying

little justice-shop cases--the worst of them, of course, because there

was a youngster just ahead of him who got the better ones. And then,

dramatically, he told of his discovery amid this chaff, of a real legal

problem--a problem that for its nice intricacies and intellectual

suggestiveness, would have brought an appreciative gleam to the eye of

Mr. Justice Holmes, or Lord Mansfield, or the great Coke himself. He

told of the passionate enthusiasm with which he had attacked it, the

thrilling weeks of labor he had put on it. And then he told her the

outcome of it all; how the head of the firm, an old friend of his

father, had called him in and complimented him on the work that he had

done; said it was very remarkable, but, unfortunately, not profitable to

the firm, the whole amount involved in the case having been some twenty

dollars. They were only paying him forty dollars a month, to be sure,

but they figured that forty dollars practically a total loss and they

thought he might better go to practising law for himself. In other

words, he was fired.

But the thing that rang through the girl's mind like the clang of a

bell--the thing that made her catch her breath, was the quality of the

big laugh with which he concluded it. He didn't ask her to be sorry for

him. He wasn't sorry for himself one bit,--nor bitter--nor cynical. He

didn't even seem trying to make a merit of his refusal to acquiesce in

that sordid point of view. He just dismissed the thing with a

cymbal-like clash of laughter and plunged ahead with his story.

He told her how he'd got in with an altruistic bunch--the City Homes

Association; how, finding him keen for work that they had little time

for, the senior legal counselors had drawn out and let him do it. And

from the way he told of his labors in drafting a new city building

ordinance, she felt that it must have been one of the most fascinating

occupations in the world, until he told her how it had drawn him into

politics--municipal, city council politics, which was even more

thrilling, and then how, after an election, a new state's attorney had

offered him a position on his staff of assistants.

In a sense, of course, it was true that he had, as Frederica would have

put it, forgotten she was there--had forgotten, at least, who she was.

Because, if he had remembered that she was just a young girl in the

university, he would hardly, as he tramped about the room expounding the

practise of criminal law in the state's attorney's office, have

characterized the state's attorney himself as a "damned gallery-playing

mountebank," nor have described the professions and the misdeeds of

some of the persons he prosecuted in blunt Anglo-Saxon terms she had

never heard used except in the Bible.

The girl knew he had forgotten, and her only discomfort came from the

fear that the spell might be broken and he remember suddenly and be

embarrassed and stop.

In the deeper sense--and she was breathlessly conscious of this too--he

hadn't forgotten she was there. He was telling it all because she was

there--because she was herself and nobody else. She knew, though how she

couldn't have explained,--with that intuitive certainty that is the only

real certainty there is,--that the story couldn't have been evoked from

him in just that way, by any one else in the world.

At the end of two years in the state's attorney's office, he told her,

he figured he had had his training and was ready to begin.

"I made just one resolution when I hung out my shingle," he said, "and

that was that no matter how few cases I got, I wouldn't take any that

weren't interesting--that didn't give me something to bite on. A lot of

my friends thought I was crazy, of course--the ones who came around

because they liked me, or had liked my father, to offer me nice plummy

little sinecures, and got told I didn't want them. Just for the sake of

looking successful and accumulating a lot of junk I didn't want, I

wasn't going to asphyxiate myself, have strings tied to my arms and legs

like a damned marionette. I wasn't willing to be bored for any reward

they had to offer me. It's cynical to be bored. It's the worst

immorality there is. Well, and I never have been."

It wasn't all autobiographical and narrative. There was a lot of his

deep-breathing, spacious philosophy of life mixed up in it. And this the

girl, consciously, and deliberately, provoked. It didn't need much. She

said something about discipline and he snatched the word away from her.

"What is discipline? Why, it's standing the gaff--_standing_ it, not

submitting to it. It's accepting the facts of life--of your own life, as

they happen to be. It isn't being conquered by them. It's not making

masters of them, but servants to the underlying things you want."

She tried to make a reservation there--suppose the things you wanted

weren't good things.

But he wouldn't allow it.

"Whatever they are," he insisted, "your desires are the only motive

forces you've got. No matter how fine your intelligence is, it can't

ride anywhere except on the backs of your own passions. There's no good

lamenting that they're not different, and it's silly to beat them to

death and make a merit of not having ridden anywhere because they might

have carried you into trouble. Learn to ride them--control them--spur

them. But don't forget that they're _you_ just as essentially as the

rider is."

It was with a curiously relaxed body, her chin cradled in the crook of

her arm that lay along the back of the couch, her eyes unfocused on the

window, that the girl listened to it.

Primarily, indeed, she wasn't exactly listening. Much of the narrative

went by almost unheard. Much of the philosophy she hardly tried to

understand. What was constantly present and more and more poignantly

vivid with every five minutes that ticked away on the banjo clock, was a

consciousness of the man himself, the driving power of him, the

boisterous health and freshness and confidence. She was conscious, too,

of something formidable--carelessly exultant in his own strength. She

got to thinking of the flight of a great bird wheeling up higher and

higher on his powerful wings.

He had caught her up, too, and was carrying her to altitudes far beyond

her own powers. He might drop her, but if he did, it wouldn't be through

weakness. At what he said about riding on the backs of one's own

passions, her imagination varied the picture so that she saw him

galloping splendidly by.

At that, suddenly and to her consternation, she felt her eyes flushing

up with tears. She tried to blink them away, but they came too fast.

Presently he stopped short in his walk--stopped talking, with a gasp,

in the middle of a sentence, and looked into her face. She couldn't see

his clearly, but she saw his hands clench and heard him draw a long

breath. Then he turned abruptly and walked to the window and for a

mortal endless minute, there was a silence.

At last she found something--it didn't matter much what--to say, and the

conversation between them, on the surface of it, was just what it had

been for the first ten minutes after he had come in. But, paradoxically,

this superficial commonplaceness only heightened the tensity of the

thing that underlay it. Something had happened during that moment while

he stood looking into her tear-flushed eyes; something momentous,

critical, which no previous experience in her life had prepared her for.

And it had happened to him, too. The memory of his silhouette as he

stood there with his hands clenched, between her and the window, would

have convinced her, had she needed convincing.

The commonplace thing she had found to say met, she knew, a need that

was his as well as hers, for breathing-space--for time for the recovery

of lost bearings. Had he not felt it as well as she--she smiled a little

over this--he wouldn't have yielded. The man on horseback would have

taken an obstacle like that without breaking the stride of his gallop.

What underlay her quiet meaningless chat, was wonder and fear, and more

deeply still, a sort of cosmic contentment--the acquiescence of a

swimmer in the still irresistible current of a mighty river.

It was distinctly a relief to her when her mother came in and,

presently, Portia. She introduced him to them, and then dropped out of

the conversation altogether. As if it were a long way off, she heard him

retailing last night's adventure and expressing his regret that he

hadn't taken her to Frederica (that was his sister, Mrs. Whitney) to be

dried out, before he sent her home.

She was aware that Portia stole a look at her in a puzzled penetrating

sort of way every now and then, but didn't concern herself as to the

basis of her curiosity. She knew that it was getting on toward their

dinner-time, but didn't disturb herself as to the effect Inga's

premonitory rattlings out in the dining-room might have on her guest. As

a matter of fact, they had none whatever.

She smiled once widely to herself, over a thought of the half-back. The

man here in the room with her now, chatting so pleasantly with her

mother, wouldn't ask for favors--would accept nothing that wasn't

offered as eagerly as it was sought.

It wasn't until he rose to go that she aroused herself and went with him

into the hall. There, after he'd got into his overcoat and hooked his

stick over his arm, he held out his hand to her in formal leave-taking.

Only it didn't turn out that way. For the effect of that warm lithe grip

flew its flag in both their faces.

"You're such a wonder!" he said.

She smiled. "So are y-you." It was the first time she had ever stammered

in her life.

When she came back into the sitting-room, she found Portia inclined to

be severe.

"Did you ask him to come again?" she wanted to know.

Rose smiled. "I never thought of it," she said.

"Perhaps it's just as well," said Portia. "Did you have anything at all

to say to him before we came home, or were you like that all the while?

How long ago did he come?"

"I don't know," said Rose behind a very real yawn. "I was asleep on the

couch when he came in. That's why I was dressed like this." And then she

said she was hungry.

There wasn't, on the whole, a happier person in the world at that

moment.

Because Rodney Aldrich, pounding along at five miles an hour, in a

direction left to chance, was not happy. Or, if he was, he didn't know

it. He couldn't yield instantly, and easily, to his intuitions, as Rose

had done. He felt that he must think--felt that he had never stood in

such dire need of cool level consideration as at this moment:

But the process was impossible. That fine instrument of precision, his

mind, that had, for many years, done without complaint the work he gave

it to do, had simply gone on a strike. Instead of ratiocinating

properly, it presented pictures. Mainly four: a girl, flaming with

indignation, holding a street-car conductor pinned by the wrists; a girl

in absurd bedroom slippers, her skirt twisted around her knees, her hair

a chaos, stretching herself awake like a big cat; a girl with wonderful,

blue, tear-brimming eyes, from whose glory he had had to turn away. Last

of all, the girl who had said with that adorable stammer, "So are

y-you," and smiled a smile that had summed up everything that was

desirable in the world.

It was late that night when his mind, in a dazed sort of way, came back

on the job. And the first thing it pointed out to him was that Frederica

had undoubtedly been right in telling him that, though they had lived

together off and on for thirty years, they didn't know each other. The

pictures his memory held of his sister, covered no such emotional range

as these four. Did Martin's? It seemed absurd, yet there was a strong

intrinsic probability of it.

Anyway, it was a remark Frederica had made last night that gave him

something to hold on by. Marriage, she had said, was an adventure, the

essential adventurousness of which no amount of cautious thought taken

in advance could modify. There was no doubt in his mind that marriage

with that girl would be a more wonderful adventure than any one had ever

had in the world.

All right then, perhaps his mind had been right in refusing to take up

the case. The one tremendous question,--would the adventure look

promising enough to her to induce her to embark on it?--was one which

his own reasoning powers could not be expected to answer. It called

simply for experiment.

So, turning off his mind again, with the electric light, he went to bed.