CHAPTER LII

"Don't blame yourself, my Wilfrid."

Emilia spoke thus, full of pity for him, and in her adorable, deep-fluted

tones, after the effective stop he had come to.

The 'my Wilfrid' made the owner of the name quiver with satisfaction. He

breathed: "You have forgiven me?"

"That I have. And there was indeed no blame. My voice has gone. Yes, but

I do not think it your fault."

"It was! it is!" groaned Wilfrid. "But, has your voice gone?" He leaned

nearer to her, drawing largely on the claim his incredulity had to

inspect her sweet features accurately. "You speak just as--more

deliciously than ever! I can't think you have lost it. Ah! forgive me!

forgive me!"

Emilia was about to put her hand over to him, but the prompt impulse was

checked by a simultaneous feminine warning within. She smiled, saying:

"'I forgive' seems such a strange thing for me to say;" and to convey any

further meaning that might comfort him, better than words could do, she

held on her smile. The smile was of the acceptedly feigned, conventional

character; a polished Surface: belonging to the passage of the discourse,

and not to the emotions. Wilfrid's swelling passion slipped on it.

Sensitively he discerned an ease in its formation and disappearance that

shot a first doubt through him, whether he really maintained his empire

in her heart. If he did not reign there, why had she sent for him? He

attributed the unheated smile to a defect in her manner, that was always

chargeable with something, as he remembered. He began systematically to

account for his acts: but the man was so constituted that as he laid them

out for pardon, he himself condemned them most; and looking back at his

weakness and double play, he broke through his phrases to cry without

premeditation: "Can you have loved me then?"

Emilia's cheeks tingled: "Don't speak of that night in Devon," she

replied.

"Ah!" sighed he. "I did not mean then. Then you must have hated me."

"No; for, what did I say? I said that you would come to me--nothing more.

I hated that woman. You? Oh, no!"

"You loved me, then?"

"Did I not offer to work for you, if you were poor? And--I can't remember

what I said. Please, do not speak of that night."

"Emilia! as a man of honour, I was bound--"

She lifted her hands: "Oh! be silent, and let that night die."

"I may speak of that night when you drove home from Penarvon Castle, and

a robber? You have forgotten him, perhaps! What did he steal? not what he

came for, but something dearer to him than anything he possesses. How can

I say--? Dear to me? If it were dipped in my heart's blood!--"

Emilia was far from being carried away by the recollection of the scene;

but remembering what her emotion had then been, she wondered at her

coolness now.

"I may speak of Wilming Weir?" he insinuated.

Her bosom rose softly and heavily. As if throwing off some cloak of

enchantment that clogged her spirit! "I was telling you of this dress,"

she said: "I mean, of Countess Branciani. She thought her husband was the

Austrian spy who had betrayed them, and she said, 'He is not worthy to

live.' Everybody knew that she had loved him. I have seen his portrait and

hers. I never saw faces that looked so fond of life. She had that Italian

beauty which is to any other like the difference between velvet and

silk."

"Oh! do I require to be told the difference?" Wilfrid's heart throbbed.

"She," pursued Emilia, "she loved him still, I believe, but her country

was her religion. There was known to be a great conspiracy, and no one

knew the leader of it. All true Italians trusted Countess Branciani,

though she visited the Austrian Governor's house--a General with some

name on the teeth. One night she said to him, 'You have a spy who betrays

you.' The General never suspected Countess Branciani. Women are devils of

cleverness sometimes.

"But he did suspect it must be her husband--thinking, I suppose, 'How

otherwise would she have known he was my spy?' He gave Count Branciani

secret work and high pay. Then he set a watch on him. Count Branciani was

to find out who was this unknown leader. He said to the Austrian

Governor, 'You shall know him in ten days.' This was repeated to Countess

Branciani, and she said to herself, 'My husband! you shall perish, though

I should have to stab you myself.'"

Emilia's sympathetic hand twitched. Wilfrid's seized it, but it proved no

soft melting prize. She begged to be allowed to continue. He entreated

her to. Thereat she pulled gently for her hand, and persisting, it was

grudgingly let go.

"One night Countess Branciani put the Austrians on her husband's track.

He knew that she was true to her country, and had no fear of her, whether

she touched the Black-yellow gold or not. But he did not confide any, of

his projects to her. And his reason was, that as she went to the

Governor's, she might accidentally, by a word or a sign, show that she

was an accomplice in the conspiracy. He wished to save her from a

suspicion. Brave Branciani!"

Emilia had a little shudder of excitement.

"Only," she added, "why will men always think women are so weak? The

Count worked with conspirators who were not dreaming they would do

anything, but were plotting to do it. The Countess belonged to the other

party--men who never thought they were strong enough to see their ideas

acting--I mean, not bold enough to take their chance. As if we die more

than one death, and the blood we spill for Italy is ever wasted! That

night the Austrian spy followed the Count to the meeting-house of the

conspirators. It was thought quite natural that the Count should go

there. But the spy, not having the password, crouched outside, and heard

from two that came out muttering, the next appointment for a meeting.

This was told to Countess Branciani, and in the meantime she heard from

the Austrian Governor that her husband had given in names of the

conspirators. She determined at once. 'Now may Christ and the Virgin help

me!'"

Emilia struck her knees, while tears started through her shut eyelids.

The exclamation must have been caught from her father, who liked not the

priests of his native land well enough to interfere between his English

wife and their child in such a matter as religious training.

"What happened?" said Wilfrid, vainly seeking for personal application in

this narrative.

"Listen!--Ah!" she fought with her tears, and said, as they rolled down

her face: "For a miserable thing one can not help, I find I must cry.

This is what she did. She told him she knew of the conspiracy, and asked

permission to join it, swearing that she was true to Italy. He said he

believed her.--Oh, heaven!--And for some time she had to beg and beg; but

to spare her he would not let her join. I cannot tell why--he gave her

the password for the neat meeting, and said that an old gold coin must be

shown. She must have coaxed it, though he was a strong man, who could

resist women. I suppose he felt that he had been unkind.--Were I Queen of

Italy he should stand for ever in a statue of gold!--The next appointed

night a spy entered among the conspirators, with the password and the

coin. Did I tell you the Countess had one child--a girl! She lives now,

and I am to know her. She is like her mother. That little girl was

playing down the stairs with her nurse when a band of Austrian soldiers

entered the hall underneath, and an officer, with his sword drawn, and

some men, came marching up in their stiff way--the machines! This officer

stooped to her, and before the nurse could stop her, made her say where

her father was. Those Austrians make children betray their parents! They

don't think how we grow up to detest them. Do I? Hate is not the word: it

burns so hot and steady with me. The Countess came out on the first

landing; she saw what was happening. When her husband was led out, she

asked permission to embrace him. The officer consented, but she had to

say to him, 'Move back,' and then, with her lips to her husband's cheek,

'Betray no more of them!' she whispered. Count Branciani started. Now he

understood what she had done, and why she had done it. 'Ask for the

charge that makes me a prisoner,' he said. Her husband's noble face gave

her a chill of alarm. The Austrian spoke. 'He is accused of being the

chief of the Sequin Club.' And then the Countess looked at her husband;

she sank at his feet. My heart breaks. Wilfrid! Wilfrid! You will not

wear that uniform? Say 'Never, never!' You will not go to the Austrian

army--Wilfrid? Would you be my enemy? Brutes, knee-deep in blood! with

bloody fingers! Ogres! Would you be one of them? To see me turn my head

shivering with loathing as you pass? This is why I sent for you, because

I loved you, to entreat you, Wilfrid, from my soul, not to blacken the

dear happy days when I knew you! Will you hear me? That woman is

changeing you--doing all this. Resist her! Think of me in this one thing!

Promise it, and I will go at once, and want no more. I will swear never

to trouble you. Oh, Wilfrid it's not so much our being enemies, but what

you become, I think of. If I say to myself, 'He also, who was once my

lover--Oh! paid murderer of my dear people!'"

Emilia threw up both hands to her eyes: but Wilfrid, all on fire with a

word, made one of her hands his own, repeating eagerly: "Once? once?"

"Once?" she echoed him.

"'Once my love?'" said he. "Not now?--does it mean, 'not now?' My

darling!--pardon me, I must say it. My beloved! you said: 'He who was

once my lover:'--you said that. What does it mean? Not that--not--? does

it mean, all's over? Why did you bring me here? You know I must love you

forever. Speak! 'Once?'"

"'Once?'" Emilia was breathing quick, but her voice was well contained:

"Yes, I said 'once.' You were then."

"Till that night in Devon?

"Let it be."

"But you love me still?"

"We won't speak of it."

"I see! You cannot forgive. Good heavens! I think I remember your saying

so once--Once! Yes, then: you said it then, during our 'Once;' when I

little thought you would be merciless to me--who loved you from the

first! the very first! I love you now! I wake up in the night, thinking I

hear your voice. You haunt me. Cruel! cold!--who guards you and watches

over you but the man you now hate? You sit there as if you could make

yourself stone when you pleased. Did I not chastise that man Pericles

publicly because he spoke a single lie of you? And by that act I have

made an enemy to our house who may crush us in ruin. Do I regret it? No.

I would do any madness, waste all my blood for you, die for you!"

Emilia's fingers received a final twist, and were dropped loose. She let

them hang, looking sadly downward. Melancholy is the most irritating

reply to passion, and Wilfrid's heart waged fierce at the sight of her,

grown beautiful!--grown elegant!--and to reject him! When, after a

silence which his pride would not suffer him to break, she spoke to ask

what Mr. Pericles had said of her, he was enraged, forgot himself, and

answered: "Something disgraceful."

Deep colour came on Emilia. "You struck him, Wilfrid?"

"It was a small punishment for his infamous lie, and, whatever might be

the consequences, I would do it again."

"Wilfrid, I have heard what he has said. Madame Marini has told me. I

wish you had not struck him. I cannot think of him apart from the days

when I had my voice. I cannot bear to think of your having hurt him. He

was not to blame. That is, he did not say: it was not untrue."

She took a breath to make this last statement, and continued with the

same peculiar implicity of distinctness, which a terrific thunder of

"What?" from Wilfrid did not overbear: "I was quite mad that day I went

to him. I think, in my despair I spoke things that may have led him to

fancy the truth of what he has said. On my honour, I do not know. And I

cannot remember what happened after for the week I wandered alone about

London. Mr. Powys found me on a wharf by the river at night."

A groan burst from Wilfrid. Emilia's instinct had divined the antidote

that this would be to the poison of revived love in him, and she felt

secure, though he had again taken her hand; but it was she who nursed a

mere sentiment now, while passion sprang in him, and she was not prepared

for the delirium with which he enveloped her. She listened to his raving

senselessly, beginning to think herself lost. Her tortured hands were

kissed; her eyes gazed into. He interpreted her stupefaction as

contrition, her silence as delicacy, her changeing of colour as flying

hues of shame: the partial coldness at their meeting he attributed to the

burden on her mind, and muttering in a magnanimous sublimity that he

forgave her, he claimed her mouth with force.

"Don't touch me!" cried Emilia, showing terror.

"Are you not mine?"

"You must not kiss me."

Wilfrid loosened her waist, and became in a minute outwardly most cool

and courteous.

"My successor may object. I am bound to consider him. Pardon me. Once!--"

The wretched insult and silly emphasis passed harmlessly from her: but a

word had led her thoughts to Merthyr's face, and what is meant by the

phrase 'keeping oneself pure,' stood clearly in Emilia's mind. She had

not winced; and therefore Wilfrid judged that his shot had missed because

there was no mark. With his eye upon her sideways, showing its circle

wide as a parrot's, he asked her one of those questions that lovers

sometimes permit between themselves. "Has another--?" It is here as it

was uttered. Eye-speech finished the sentence.

Rapidly a train of thought was started in Emilia, and she came to this

conclusion, aloud: "Then I love nobody!" For the had never kissed

Merthyr, or wished for his kiss.

"You do not?" said Wilfrid, after a silence. "You are generous in being

candid."

A pressure of intensest sorrow bowed his head. The real feeling in him

stole to Emilia like a subtle flame.

"Oh! what can I do for you?" she cried.

"Nothing, if you do not love me," he was replying mournfully, when, "Yes!

yes!" rushed to his lips; "marry me: marry me to-morrow. You have loved

me. 'I am never to leave you!' Can you forget the night when you said it?

Emilia! Marry me and you will love me again. You must. This man, whoever

he is--Ah! why am I such a brute! Come! be mine! Let me call you my own

darling! Emilia!--or say quietly 'you have nothing to hope for:' I shall

not reproach you, believe me."

He looked resigned. The abrupt transition had drawn her eyes to his. She

faltered: "I cannot be married." And then: "How could I guess that you

felt in this way?"

"Who told me that I should?" said he. "Your words have come true. You

predicted that I should fly from 'that woman,' as you called her, and

come to you. See! here it is exactly as you willed it. You--you are

changed. You throw your magic on me, and then you are satisfied, and turn

elsewhere."

Emilia's conscience smote her with a verification of this charge, and she

trembled, half-intoxicated for the moment, by the aspect of her power.

This filled her likewise with a dangerous pity for its victim; and now,

putting out both hands to him, her chin and shoulders raised

entreatingly, she begged the victim to spare her any word of marriage.

"But you go, you run away from me--I don't know where you are or what you

are doing," said Wilfrid. "And you leave me to that woman. She loves the

Austrians, as you know. There! I will ask nothing--only this: I will

promise, if I quit the Queen's service for good, not to wear the white

uniform--"

"Oh!" Emilia breathed inward deeply, scarce noticing the 'if' that

followed; nodding quick assent to the stipulation before she heard the

nature of it. It was, that she should continue in England.

"Your word," said Wilfrid; and she pledged it, and did not think she was

granting much in the prospect of what she gained.

"You will, then?" said he.

"Yes, I will."

"On your honour?"

These reiterated questions were simply pretexts for steps nearer to the

answering lips.

"And I may see you?" he went on.

"Yes."

"Wherever you are staying? And sometimes alone? Alone!--"

"Not if you do not know that I am to be respected," said Emilia, huddled

in the passionate fold of his arms. He released her instantly, and was

departing, wounded; but his heart counselled wiser proceedings.

"To know that you are in England, breathing the same air with me, near

me! is enough. Since we are to meet on those terms, let it be so. Let me

only see you till some lucky shot puts me out of your way."

This 'some lucky shot,' which is commonly pointed at themselves by the

sentimental lovers, with the object of hitting the very centre of the

hearts of obdurate damsels, glanced off Emilia's, which was beginning to

throb with a comprehension of all that was involved in the word she had

given.

"I have your promise?" he repeated: and she bent her head.

"Not," he resumed, taking jealousy to counsel, now that he had advanced a

step: "Not that I would detain you against your will! I can't expect to

make such a figure at the end of the piece as your Count Branciani--who,

by the way, served his friends oddly, however well he may have served his

country."

"His friends?" She frowned.

"Did he not betray the conspirators? He handed in names, now and then."

"Oh!" she cried, "you understand us no better than an Austrian. He handed

in names--yes he was obliged to lull suspicion. Two or three of the least

implicated volunteered to be betrayed by him; they went and confessed,

and put the Government on a wrong track. Count Branciani made a dish of

traitors--not true men--to satisfy the Austrian ogre. No one knew the

head of the plot till that night of the spy. Do you not see?--he weeded

the conspiracy!"

"Poor fellow!" Wilfrid answered, with a contracted mouth: "I pity him for

being cut off from his handsome wife."

"I pity her for having to live," said Emilia.

And so their duett dropped to a finish. He liked her phrase better than

his own, and being denied any privileges, and feeling stupefied by a

position which both enticed and stung him, he remarked that he presumed

he must not detain her any longer; whereupon she gave him her hand. He

clutched the ready hand reproachfully.

"Good-bye," said she.

"You are the first to say it," he complained.

"Will you write to that Austrian colonel, your cousin, to say 'Never!

never!' to-morrow, Wilfrid?"

"While you are in England, I shall stay, be sure of that."

She bade him give her love to all Brookfield.

"Once you had none to give but what I let you take back for the purpose!"

he said. "Farewell! I shall see the harp to-night. It stands in the old

place. I will not have it moved or touched till you--"

"Ah! how kind you were, Wilfrid!"

"And how lovely you are!"

There was no struggle to preserve the backs of her fingers from his lips,

and, as this time his phrase was not palpably obscured by the one it

countered, artistic sentiment permitted him to go.