CHAPTER IV

A FRAME-UP FOR STUBBY

I expect I shouldn't have been so finicky. I ain't as a rule. My usual

play is to press the button and take whoever is sent in from the general

office. But the last young lady typist they'd wished on me must have

eased in on the job with a diploma from some hair-dressin'

establishment. She got real haughty when I pointed out that we was using

only one "l" in Albany now, but nothing I could say would keep her from

writing Bridgeport as two words.

And such a careless way she had of parking her gum on the corner of my

desk and forgettin' to retrieve it. So with four or five more folios to

do on a report I was makin' to the Ordnance Department, I puts it up to

Mr. Piddie personally to pick the best he can spare.

"Course," says I, "I don't expect to get Old Hickory's star performer,

but I thought you might have one of the old guard left; one that didn't

learn her spellin' by the touch method, at least."

Piddie sighs. Since so many of his key-pounders has gone to polishin'

shell noses, or sailed to do canteen work, he's been having a poor time

keeping up his office force. "Do you know, Torchy," says he, "I haven't

one left that I can guarantee; but suppose you try Miss Casey, who has

just joined."

She wouldn't have been my choice if I'd been doin' the pickin'. One of

these tall, limber young females, Miss Casey is, about as thick as a

drink of water, but strong on hair and eyes. She glides in willowy,

drapes herself on a chair, pats her home-grown ear-muffs into shape, and

unfolds her note book business-like. And inside of two minutes she's

doing the Pitman stuff in jazz time, with no call for repeats except

when I'd shoot a string of figures at her. I was handin' myself the

comfortin' thought, too, that I'd drawn a prize.

We breezes along on the report until near lunch time with never a hitch

until I gets to this paragraph where I mentions Camp Mills, and the next

thing I know she has stopped short and is snifflin' through her nose.

"Eh?" says I, gawpin' at her. "Have I been feedin' it at you too

speedy?"

"N--no," says she, "bub--but that's where Stub is--Camp Mills--and it

got to me sudden."

"Oh!" says I. "And Stub is a brother or something?"

"He--he--Well, there!" says she, holdin' out her left hand and

displayin' a turquoise set with chip diamonds.

"Sorry," says I, "but I couldn't tell from the service pin, you

understand, when some wears 'em for second cousins. And anyway, the name

of the camp had to----"

"'Sall right," snuffles Miss Casey. "I had no call spillin' the weeps

durin' business hours. I wouldn't of either, only I had another session

with his old lady this mornin' and she sort of got me stirred up."

"Mother taking it hard, is she?" I asks.

"You've said sumpin," admits Miss Casey, unbuttonin' a locket vanity

case and repairin' the damage done to her facial frescoin' with a few

graceful jabs. "Not but what I ain't strong for Stub Mears myself. He's

all right, Stub is, even if he never could qualify in a beauty

competition with Jack Pickford or Mr. Doug. Fairbanks. He's good comp'ny

and all that, and now he's in the army I expect he'll ditch that

ambition of his to be the champion heavy-weight pool player of the West

Side.

"But to hear Mrs. Mears talk you'd think he was one of the props of the

universe, and that when the new draft got Stub it was a case where

Congress ought to stop and draw a long breath. Uh-huh! She's 100 per

cent. mother, Mrs. Mears is, and it looks like some of it was catchin'

for me to get leaky-eyed just at mention of the camp he's in. Oh, lady,

lady! Excuse it, please, sir."

Which I does cheerful enough. And just to prove I ain't any slave

driver I sort of eggs Miss Casey on, from then until the noon hour, to

chat away about this war romance of hers. Seems Mr. Mears could have

been in Class B, on account of his widowed mother and him being a

plumber's helper when he had time to spare from his pool practicin'.

Livin' in the same block, they'd been acquainted for quite some time,

too.

No, it hadn't been anything serious first off. She'd gone with him to

the annual ball of Union 26 for two years in succession and to such like

important social events. But there'd been other fellers. Two or three.

And one had a perfectly swell job as manager of a United Cigar branch.

Stub had been a great one for stickin' around, though, and when he

showed up in his uniform--well, that clinched things.

"It wasn't so much the khaki stuff I fell for," confides Miss Casey,

gazin' sentimental at a ham sandwich she's just unwrapped, "as it was

the i-dear back of it. It's in the blood, you might say, for I had an

uncle in the Spanish-American and a grandfather in the Civil War. So

when Mr. Mears tells me how, when it comes time for him to go over the

top, the one he'll be thinkin' most of will be me--Say, that got to me

strong. 'You win, Stubby,' says I. 'Flash the ring.'

"That's how it was staged, all in one scene. And later when that Jake

Horwitz from the United shop comes around sportin' his instalment

Liberty bond button, but backin' his fallen arches to keep him exempt, I

gives him the cold eye. 'Nix on the coo business, Mister Horwitz,' says

I, 'for when I hold out my ear for that it's got to come from a reg'lar

man. Get me?' Which is a good deal the same I hands the others.

"But say, between you and I, it's mighty lonesome work. You see, I'd

figured how Stub would be blowin' in from camp every now and then, and

we'd be doin' the Sunday afternoon parade up and down the block, with

all the girls stretchin' their necks after us. You know? Well, he's been

at the blessed camp near three months now and not once since that first

flyin' trip has he showed up here.

"Which is why I've been droppin' in on his old lady so often, tryin' to

dope why he shouldn't be let off, same as the others. Mrs. Mears, she's

all primed with the notion that her Edgar has been makin' himself so

useful down there that the colonel would get all balled up in his work

if he didn't keep Stub right on the job. 'See,' says she, wavin' a

picture post card at me, 'he's been appointed on the K. P. squad again.'

Honest, she thinks he's something like a Knights of Pythias and goes

marchin' around important with a plume in his hat and a gold sword.

Mothers are easy, ain't they? You can bet though, that Stub don't try to

buffalo little old me with anything like that. What he writes me, which

ain't much, is mostly that his top sergeant's a grouch or that they've

been quarantined on account of influenza. So I sends him back the best

advice I've got in stock, askin' him why he don't buck up on his drill,

keep his equipment clean, and shift that potato peelin' work to some of

the new squads.

"Course, I don't spill any of this to Mrs. Mears. Poor soul! She's got

troubles enough, right in her joints. Rheumatism. Uh-huh. Most of the

time she has to get around in a wheel chair. Ain't that fierce? And she

was mighty nervy about sendin' Stubby off. Wouldn't let him say a word

about exemption. No, sir! 'Never mind me, Edgar,' says she. 'You kill a

lot of Huns. I'll get along somehow.' That's talkin', ain't it? And her

livin' with a sister-in-law that has a disposition like a green parrot!

"So I can't find much fault with her when she sort of overdoes the fond

mother act. Seems to me they might let him off now and then, even if he

does miss a few bugle calls, or forgets some of the rules and

regulations. And this bug of hers about wonderin' when and how what he's

doin' for his country is goin' to be reco'nized proper--Well, I don't

debate that with her at all. For one thing I don't get just exactly what

she wants; whether it's for the President to write her a special letter

of thanks, or for Mr. Baker to make Stubby a captain or something right

off. Anyway, she don't feel that Edgar's bein' treated right. He ain't

even had his name in the papers and only a few of the neighbors seem to

know he's a hero. Yep, it's foolish of her, I expect, but I let her

unload it all on me without dodgin'. I've even promised to see what can

be done about it. I--I'd been thinkin', sir, about askin' you."

"Eh?" says I, "Me? Oh, I couldn't think of a thing."

"But if I could, sir," goes on Miss Casey, "would--would you help out a

little? She's an old lady, you know, and all crippled up, and Stubby

he's all she's got left and----"

"Why, sure," I breaks in. "I'd do what I could."

I throws it off casual as I'm grabbin' my hat on my way out to lunch.

And I supposed that would be all there'd be to it. But I hadn't got

more'n half a line on Miss Casey. She's no easy quitter, that young

lady. Having let me in on her little affair, she seems to think it's no

more'n right I should be kept posted. A day or so later she lugs in a

picture of Private Mears, one of the muddy printed post-card effects

such as these roadside tripod artists take of the buddy boys around the

camps.

"That's him," says she. "Looks kind of swell in the uniform, don't he?"

It was a fact. Stubby not only looks swell--but swelling. And it's lucky

them army buttons are sewed on tight or else a good snappy salute would

wreck him from the chin down. He's a sturdy, bulgy party, 'specially

about the leggins.

"That's right, too," says Miss Casey. "Know what I tell him? If he can

fight like he can eat, good-night Kaiser Bill. But at that they've pared

fifteen pounds off him since he's been in the service."

"It's a great life," says I.

"Maybe," sighs Miss Casey, "but I wisht they'd let me have a close-up of

him before they risk loadin' him on a transport. That's all I got

against the Government. You ain't thought of any way it might be worked,

have you?"

I had to admit that I hadn't, not addin' I didn't expect to. And I must

have been stallin' along that line for a week or more until the forenoon

when Vee blows in unexpected durin' a shoppin' trip and announces that I

may take her out to luncheon.

"Fine!" says I. "Just as soon as I give two more letters to Miss Casey."

In the middle of the second one though, there's a call for me to go into

the private office, and when I comes back from a ten-minute interview

with Old Hickory I finds Vee and Miss Casey chattin' away like old

friends. Vee is being told all about Stubby and the hard-boiled eggs he

has for company officers.

"Three months without a furlough!" says Vee. "Isn't that a shame,

Torchy? What is the number of his regiment?"

Miss Casey reels it off, addin' the company and division.

"Really!" says Vee. "Why, that's the company Captain Woodhouse commands.

You remember him, Torchy?"

"Oh, yes! Woodie," says I. "I'd most forgotten him."

"I am going to call him up on the long distance right now," says Vee.

And in spite of all my lay-off signals she does it. Gets the captain,

too. Yes, Woodie knows the case and he regrets to report that Private

Mears's record isn't a good one; three times in the guardhouse and

another week of K. P. coming to him. Under these circumstances he don't

quite see how----

"Oh, come, captain!" puts in Vee coaxin'. "Don't be disagreeable. He's

engaged, you know. Such a nice girl. And then there is his poor old

mother who has seen him only once since he was drafted. Please, Woodie!"

I expect it was the "Woodie" that worked the trick. You see, this

Woodhouse party used to think he was in the runnin' with Vee himself,

way back when Auntie was doin' her best to discourage my little

campaign, and although he quit and picked another several years ago I

don't suppose he minds bein' called Woodie by Vee, even now. Anyway,

after consultin' one of his lieutenants he gives her the word that if

Private Mears don't pull any more cut-up stuff between now and a week

from Wednesday he'll probably have forty-eight hours comin' to him.

And for a minute there I thought both Vee and I were let in for a fond

clinch act with Miss Casey. As it is she takes it out in pattin' Vee's

hand and callin' her Dearie.

"A week Wednesday, eh?" says Miss Casey. "Say, ain't that grand! And

believe muh, I mean to work up some little party for Stubby. It's due

him, and the old lady."

"Of course it is," agrees Vee. "And Torchy, you must do all you can to

help."

"Very well, major," says I, salutin'.

And from then on I reports to Vee. It's only the next night that I gives

her the first bulletin from the front. "What do you know?" says I. "Miss

Casey has a hunch that she might organize a block party for the big

night. I don't know whether she can swing it or not, but that's her

scheme."

"But what on earth is a block party, Torchy?" Vee demands.

"Why," I explains, "it's a small town stunt that's being used in the

city these days. Very popular, too. They get all the people in the block

to chip in for a celebration--decorations, music, ice cream, all

that--and generally they raise a block service flag. It takes some

organizin', though."

"How perfectly splendid!" says Vee. "And that is just where you can be

useful."

So that's how I come to spend that next evenin' trottin' up and down

this block in the sixties between Ninth and Amsterdam. I must say it

didn't look specially promisin' as a place to work up community spirit

and that sort of thing. Just a dingy row of old style dumb-bell flats,

most of 'em with "Room to Rent" signs hung out and little basement shops

tucked in here and there. Maybe you know the kind--the asphalt always

littered with paper, garbage cans left out, and swarms of kids playin'

tip-cat or dashin' about on roller skates. Cheap and messy. And to judge

by the names on the letter boxes you'd say the tenants had been shipped

in from every country on the map. Anyway, our noble allies was well

represented--with the French and Italians in the lead and the rest made

up of Irish, Jews, Poles and I don't know what else. Everything but

straight Americans.

Yet when you come to count up the service flags in the front windows you

had to admit that Miss Casey's block must have a good many reg'lar

citizens in it at that. There was more blue stars in evidence than you'd

find on any three brownstone front blocks down on Madison or up in the

Seventies. One flag had four, and none of 'em stood for butlers or

chauffeurs. Course, some was only faded cotton, a few nothing but

colored paper, but every star stood for a soldier, and I'll bet there

wasn't a bomb-proofer in the lot.

Whether you could get these people together on any kind of a celebration

or not was another question. We begins with Mike's place, on the corner.

"Sure!" says Mike. "Let's have a party. I'll ante twenty-five. And, say,

I got a cousin in the Knights of Columbus who'll give you some tips on

how to manage the thing."

The little old Frenchy in the Parisian hand laundry gave us a boost,

too. Even J. Streblitz, high-class tailoring for ladies and gents,

chipped in a ten and told us about his boy Herman, who'd been made a

corporal and was at Chateau Thierry. Inside of three hours we'd made a

sketchy canvas of the whole block, got half a dozen of the men to go on

the committee, had over $100 subscribed, and the thing was under way.

"I just knew you could do it," says Vee, when I tells her about the

start that's been made.

"Me!" says I. "Why it was mostly Miss Casey. About all I did was tag

along and watch her work up the enthusiasm. She's some breeze, she is.

When I left her she was plannin' on two bands and free ice cream for

everyone who came."

As a matter of fact, that's about all I had to do with it, after the

first push. Miss Casey must have had a busy week, but she don't lay down

once on her reg'lar work nor beg for any time off. All she asks is if

Vee and me couldn't be persuaded to be on hand Wednesday night as guests

of honor.

"We wouldn't miss it for anything," says I.

Well, we didn't. I'd heard more or less about these block parties, but

I'd never been to one. Course, I wasn't sure just how Vee would take it

gettin' mixed up in a mob like that, but I was bankin' on her being a

good sport. Besides, she was wild to go and see how Miss Casey had made

out.

And say, when we swings in off Ninth Avenue and I gets my first glimpse

of what had been done to that scrubby, messy lookin' block, it got a

gasp out of me. First off there was strings of Japanese lanterns with

electric lights in 'em stretched across the street from the front of

every flat buildin' to the one opposite. Also every doorway and window

was draped and decorated with bunting. Then there was all kinds of

flags, from little ten centers to big twenty footers swung across the

street. There was a whackin' big Irish flag loaned by the A. O. H.; two

Italian flags almost as big; I don't know how many French tri-colors and

some I couldn't place; Czecho-Slovaks maybe. And besides the lanterns

and extra arc-lights there was red fire burnin' liberal. Then at either

end of the block was a truck backed up with a band in it and they was

tearin' away at all kinds of tunes from the "Marseillaise" to

"K-k-k-katie," while bumpin' and bobbin' about on the asphalt were

hundreds of couples doing jazz steps and gettin' pelted with confetti.

"Why, it's almost like the Mardi Gras!" says Vee.

"Looks festive, all right," says I. "And I should say Miss Casey has put

over the real thing. I wonder if we can find her in this mob."

Seemed like a hopeless search, but finally, down in the middle of the

block, I spots an old lady in a wheel chair, and I has a hunch it might

be Mrs. Mears. Sure enough, it is. Not much to look at, she ain't; sort

of humped over, with a shawl 'round her shoulders. But say, when you got

a glimpse of the way her old eyes was lighted up, and saw the smile

flickerin' around her lips, you knew that nobody in that whole crowd was

any happier than she was just at that minute.

"Oh, yes," says she. "Minnie Casey is looking for you two young folks.

She's dancing with Edgar now, but they'll be back soon. Haven't seen my

son Edgar, have you? Well, you must. He--he's a soldier, you know."

"We should be delighted," says Vee. And then she whispers to me: "Hasn't

she a nice face, though?"

We hadn't waited long before I sees a tall, willowy young thing wearin'

one of them zippy French tams come bearin' down on us wavin' energetic

and towin' along a red-faced young doughboy who looks like he'd been

stuffed into his uniform by a sausage machine. It's Minnie and Stub.

"Hello, folks!" she sings out. "Say, I was just wonderin' if you was

goin' to renig on me. Fine work! An' I want you to meet one of the most

prominent privates in the division, Mr. Mears. Come on, Stubby, pull

that overseas salute of yours. Ain't he a bear-cat, though? And how

about the show? Ain't it some party?"

"Why, it's simply wonderful," says Vee. "I had no idea, Miss Casey, that

you were planning anything like this."

"I didn't," says Minnie. "Only after we got started it kept gettin'

bigger and bigger until there wa'n't a soul on the block but what came

in on it. Know what one of the decorators told me? He says there ain't a

block on the West Side has had anything up to this, from Houston Street

up to the Harlem. That's goin' some, ain't it? You got here just in time

for the big doin's, too. It's comin' off right now. See who's standin'

up in the truck over there? That's one of the Paulist Fathers, who's

goin' to make the speech and bless the flag. There it comes, out of that

third-story window. Wow! Hear 'em cheer."

And as the red-bordered banner with the white field is pulled out where

the searchlight strikes it we can make out the figures formed by blue

stars.

"What!" says I. "Not 217 from this one block?"

"Uh-huh!" says Minnie. "And every one of 'em a Fritzie chaser. 'Most a

whole company. But ther'd been one less if it hadn't been for Stubby,

and everybody knows there's luck in odd numbers. That's why we're so

chesty about him. Eh, Mrs. Mears?"

Yes, it was some lively affair. After the speech Mme. Toscarelli, draped

in red, white and blue, sang the Star-Spangled Banner in spite of strong

opposition from one of the bands that got the wrong cue and played

"Indianola" all through the piece. And a fat boy rolled out of a

second-story window in the Princess flats, but caromed off on an awnin'

and wasn't hurt. Also a few young hicks started some rough stuff when

the ice-cream freezers were opened, but a squad of Junior Naval League

boys soon put a crimp in that. And when we had to leave, along about

nine-thirty, it was as gay a scene as was ever staged on any West Side

block, bar none. I remarked something of the sort to Mrs. Mears.

"Yes," says she, her eyes sort of dimmin' up. "And to think that all

this should be done for my Edgar!"

At which Minnie Casey tips us the private wink. "Why not, I'd like to

know?" says she. "Just look who he is."

"Yes, of course, dear," says Mrs. Mears, smilin' satisfied.

"Can you beat that for the genuine mother stuff?" whispers Minnie,

givin' us a partin' grin.

"I do hope," says Vee, as we settles ourselves in a Long Island train

for the ride home, "that Miss Casey gets her Edgar back safe and sound."

"If she don't," says I, "she's liable to go over and tear what's left of

Germany off the map. Anyway, they'd better not get her started."