CHAPTER XIII

Sentimental and Otherwise

I fear the gentleman to whom Miss Amelia's letters were addressed was

rather an obdurate critic. Such a number of notes followed Lieutenant

Osborne about the country, that he became almost ashamed of the jokes

of his mess-room companions regarding them, and ordered his servant

never to deliver them except at his private apartment. He was seen

lighting his cigar with one, to the horror of Captain Dobbin, who, it

is my belief, would have given a bank-note for the document.

For some time George strove to keep the liaison a secret. There was a

woman in the case, that he admitted. "And not the first either," said

Ensign Spooney to Ensign Stubble. "That Osborne's a devil of a fellow.

There was a judge's daughter at Demerara went almost mad about him;

then there was that beautiful quadroon girl, Miss Pye, at St.

Vincent's, you know; and since he's been home, they say he's a regular

Don Giovanni, by Jove."

Stubble and Spooney thought that to be a "regular Don Giovanni, by

Jove" was one of the finest qualities a man could possess, and

Osborne's reputation was prodigious amongst the young men of the

regiment. He was famous in field-sports, famous at a song, famous on

parade; free with his money, which was bountifully supplied by his

father. His coats were better made than any man's in the regiment, and

he had more of them. He was adored by the men. He could drink more

than any officer of the whole mess, including old Heavytop, the

colonel. He could spar better than Knuckles, the private (who would

have been a corporal but for his drunkenness, and who had been in the

prize-ring); and was the best batter and bowler, out and out, of the

regimental club. He rode his own horse, Greased Lightning, and won the

Garrison cup at Quebec races. There were other people besides Amelia

who worshipped him. Stubble and Spooney thought him a sort of Apollo;

Dobbin took him to be an Admirable Crichton; and Mrs. Major O'Dowd

acknowledged he was an elegant young fellow, and put her in mind of

Fitzjurld Fogarty, Lord Castlefogarty's second son.

Well, Stubble and Spooney and the rest indulged in most romantic

conjectures regarding this female correspondent of Osborne's--opining

that it was a Duchess in London who was in love with him--or that it

was a General's daughter, who was engaged to somebody else, and madly

attached to him--or that it was a Member of Parliament's lady, who

proposed four horses and an elopement--or that it was some other victim

of a passion delightfully exciting, romantic, and disgraceful to all

parties, on none of which conjectures would Osborne throw the least

light, leaving his young admirers and friends to invent and arrange

their whole history.

And the real state of the case would never have been known at all in

the regiment but for Captain Dobbin's indiscretion. The Captain was

eating his breakfast one day in the mess-room, while Cackle, the

assistant-surgeon, and the two above-named worthies were speculating

upon Osborne's intrigue--Stubble holding out that the lady was a

Duchess about Queen Charlotte's court, and Cackle vowing she was an

opera-singer of the worst reputation. At this idea Dobbin became so

moved, that though his mouth was full of eggs and bread-and-butter at

the time, and though he ought not to have spoken at all, yet he

couldn't help blurting out, "Cackle, you're a stupid fool. You're

always talking nonsense and scandal. Osborne is not going to run off

with a Duchess or ruin a milliner. Miss Sedley is one of the most

charming young women that ever lived. He's been engaged to her ever so

long; and the man who calls her names had better not do so in my

hearing." With which, turning exceedingly red, Dobbin ceased speaking,

and almost choked himself with a cup of tea. The story was over the

regiment in half-an-hour; and that very evening Mrs. Major O'Dowd wrote

off to her sister Glorvina at O'Dowdstown not to hurry from

Dublin--young Osborne being prematurely engaged already.

She complimented the Lieutenant in an appropriate speech over a glass

of whisky-toddy that evening, and he went home perfectly furious to

quarrel with Dobbin (who had declined Mrs. Major O'Dowd's party, and

sat in his own room playing the flute, and, I believe, writing poetry

in a very melancholy manner)--to quarrel with Dobbin for betraying his

secret.

"Who the deuce asked you to talk about my affairs?" Osborne shouted

indignantly. "Why the devil is all the regiment to know that I am

going to be married? Why is that tattling old harridan, Peggy O'Dowd,

to make free with my name at her d--d supper-table, and advertise my

engagement over the three kingdoms? After all, what right have you to

say I am engaged, or to meddle in my business at all, Dobbin?"

"It seems to me," Captain Dobbin began.

"Seems be hanged, Dobbin," his junior interrupted him. "I am under

obligations to you, I know it, a d--d deal too well too; but I won't be

always sermonised by you because you're five years my senior. I'm

hanged if I'll stand your airs of superiority and infernal pity and

patronage. Pity and patronage! I should like to know in what I'm your

inferior?"

"Are you engaged?" Captain Dobbin interposed.

"What the devil's that to you or any one here if I am?"

"Are you ashamed of it?" Dobbin resumed.

"What right have you to ask me that question, sir? I should like to

know," George said.

"Good God, you don't mean to say you want to break off?" asked Dobbin,

starting up.

"In other words, you ask me if I'm a man of honour," said Osborne,

fiercely; "is that what you mean? You've adopted such a tone regarding

me lately that I'm ------ if I'll bear it any more."

"What have I done? I've told you you were neglecting a sweet girl,

George. I've told you that when you go to town you ought to go to her,

and not to the gambling-houses about St. James's."

"You want your money back, I suppose," said George, with a sneer.

"Of course I do--I always did, didn't I?" says Dobbin. "You speak like

a generous fellow."

"No, hang it, William, I beg your pardon"--here George interposed in a

fit of remorse; "you have been my friend in a hundred ways, Heaven

knows. You've got me out of a score of scrapes. When Crawley of the

Guards won that sum of money of me I should have been done but for you:

I know I should. But you shouldn't deal so hardly with me; you

shouldn't be always catechising me. I am very fond of Amelia; I adore

her, and that sort of thing. Don't look angry. She's faultless; I

know she is. But you see there's no fun in winning a thing unless you

play for it. Hang it: the regiment's just back from the West Indies, I

must have a little fling, and then when I'm married I'll reform; I will

upon my honour, now. And--I say--Dob--don't be angry with me, and

I'll give you a hundred next month, when I know my father will stand

something handsome; and I'll ask Heavytop for leave, and I'll go to

town, and see Amelia to-morrow--there now, will that satisfy you?"

"It is impossible to be long angry with you, George," said the

good-natured Captain; "and as for the money, old boy, you know if I wanted

it you'd share your last shilling with me."

"That I would, by Jove, Dobbin," George said, with the greatest

generosity, though by the way he never had any money to spare.

"Only I wish you had sown those wild oats of yours, George. If you

could have seen poor little Miss Emmy's face when she asked me about

you the other day, you would have pitched those billiard-balls to the

deuce. Go and comfort her, you rascal. Go and write her a long

letter. Do something to make her happy; a very little will."

"I believe she's d--d fond of me," the Lieutenant said, with a

self-satisfied air; and went off to finish the evening with some jolly

fellows in the mess-room.

Amelia meanwhile, in Russell Square, was looking at the moon, which was

shining upon that peaceful spot, as well as upon the square of the

Chatham barracks, where Lieutenant Osborne was quartered, and thinking

to herself how her hero was employed. Perhaps he is visiting the

sentries, thought she; perhaps he is bivouacking; perhaps he is

attending the couch of a wounded comrade, or studying the art of war up

in his own desolate chamber. And her kind thoughts sped away as if they

were angels and had wings, and flying down the river to Chatham and

Rochester, strove to peep into the barracks where George was. . . . All

things considered, I think it was as well the gates were shut, and the

sentry allowed no one to pass; so that the poor little white-robed

angel could not hear the songs those young fellows were roaring over

the whisky-punch.

The day after the little conversation at Chatham barracks, young

Osborne, to show that he would be as good as his word, prepared to go

to town, thereby incurring Captain Dobbin's applause. "I should have

liked to make her a little present," Osborne said to his friend in

confidence, "only I am quite out of cash until my father tips up." But

Dobbin would not allow this good nature and generosity to be balked,

and so accommodated Mr. Osborne with a few pound notes, which the

latter took after a little faint scruple.

And I dare say he would have bought something very handsome for Amelia;

only, getting off the coach in Fleet Street, he was attracted by a

handsome shirt-pin in a jeweller's window, which he could not resist;

and having paid for that, had very little money to spare for indulging

in any further exercise of kindness. Never mind: you may be sure it

was not his presents Amelia wanted. When he came to Russell Square,

her face lighted up as if he had been sunshine. The little cares,

fears, tears, timid misgivings, sleepless fancies of I don't know how

many days and nights, were forgotten, under one moment's influence of

that familiar, irresistible smile. He beamed on her from the

drawing-room door--magnificent, with ambrosial whiskers, like a god.

Sambo, whose face as he announced Captain Osbin (having conferred a

brevet rank on that young officer) blazed with a sympathetic grin, saw

the little girl start, and flush, and jump up from her watching-place

in the window; and Sambo retreated: and as soon as the door was shut,

she went fluttering to Lieutenant George Osborne's heart as if it was

the only natural home for her to nestle in. Oh, thou poor panting

little soul! The very finest tree in the whole forest, with the

straightest stem, and the strongest arms, and the thickest foliage,

wherein you choose to build and coo, may be marked, for what you know,

and may be down with a crash ere long. What an old, old simile that

is, between man and timber!

In the meanwhile, George kissed her very kindly on her forehead and

glistening eyes, and was very gracious and good; and she thought his

diamond shirt-pin (which she had not known him to wear before) the

prettiest ornament ever seen.

The observant reader, who has marked our young Lieutenant's previous

behaviour, and has preserved our report of the brief conversation which

he has just had with Captain Dobbin, has possibly come to certain

conclusions regarding the character of Mr. Osborne. Some cynical

Frenchman has said that there are two parties to a love-transaction:

the one who loves and the other who condescends to be so treated.

Perhaps the love is occasionally on the man's side; perhaps on the

lady's. Perhaps some infatuated swain has ere this mistaken

insensibility for modesty, dulness for maiden reserve, mere vacuity for

sweet bashfulness, and a goose, in a word, for a swan. Perhaps some

beloved female subscriber has arrayed an ass in the splendour and glory

of her imagination; admired his dulness as manly simplicity; worshipped

his selfishness as manly superiority; treated his stupidity as majestic

gravity, and used him as the brilliant fairy Titania did a certain

weaver at Athens. I think I have seen such comedies of errors going on

in the world. But this is certain, that Amelia believed her lover to

be one of the most gallant and brilliant men in the empire: and it is

possible Lieutenant Osborne thought so too.

He was a little wild: how many young men are; and don't girls like a

rake better than a milksop? He hadn't sown his wild oats as yet, but

he would soon: and quit the army now that peace was proclaimed; the

Corsican monster locked up at Elba; promotion by consequence over; and

no chance left for the display of his undoubted military talents and

valour: and his allowance, with Amelia's settlement, would enable them

to take a snug place in the country somewhere, in a good sporting

neighbourhood; and he would hunt a little, and farm a little; and they

would be very happy. As for remaining in the army as a married man,

that was impossible. Fancy Mrs. George Osborne in lodgings in a county

town; or, worse still, in the East or West Indies, with a society of

officers, and patronized by Mrs. Major O'Dowd! Amelia died with

laughing at Osborne's stories about Mrs. Major O'Dowd. He loved her

much too fondly to subject her to that horrid woman and her

vulgarities, and the rough treatment of a soldier's wife. He didn't

care for himself--not he; but his dear little girl should take the

place in society to which, as his wife, she was entitled: and to these

proposals you may be sure she acceded, as she would to any other from

the same author.

Holding this kind of conversation, and building numberless castles in

the air (which Amelia adorned with all sorts of flower-gardens, rustic

walks, country churches, Sunday schools, and the like; while George had

his mind's eye directed to the stables, the kennel, and the cellar),

this young pair passed away a couple of hours very pleasantly; and as

the Lieutenant had only that single day in town, and a great deal of

most important business to transact, it was proposed that Miss Emmy

should dine with her future sisters-in-law. This invitation was

accepted joyfully. He conducted her to his sisters; where he left her

talking and prattling in a way that astonished those ladies, who

thought that George might make something of her; and he then went off

to transact his business.

In a word, he went out and ate ices at a pastry-cook's shop in Charing

Cross; tried a new coat in Pall Mall; dropped in at the Old

Slaughters', and called for Captain Cannon; played eleven games at

billiards with the Captain, of which he won eight, and returned to

Russell Square half an hour late for dinner, but in very good humour.

It was not so with old Mr. Osborne. When that gentleman came from the

City, and was welcomed in the drawing-room by his daughters and the

elegant Miss Wirt, they saw at once by his face--which was puffy,

solemn, and yellow at the best of times--and by the scowl and twitching

of his black eyebrows, that the heart within his large white waistcoat

was disturbed and uneasy. When Amelia stepped forward to salute him,

which she always did with great trembling and timidity, he gave a surly

grunt of recognition, and dropped the little hand out of his great

hirsute paw without any attempt to hold it there. He looked round

gloomily at his eldest daughter; who, comprehending the meaning of his

look, which asked unmistakably, "Why the devil is she here?" said at

once:

"George is in town, Papa; and has gone to the Horse Guards, and will be

back to dinner."

"O he is, is he? I won't have the dinner kept waiting for him, Jane";

with which this worthy man lapsed into his particular chair, and then

the utter silence in his genteel, well-furnished drawing-room was only

interrupted by the alarmed ticking of the great French clock.

When that chronometer, which was surmounted by a cheerful brass group

of the sacrifice of Iphigenia, tolled five in a heavy cathedral tone,

Mr. Osborne pulled the bell at his right hand--violently, and the

butler rushed up.

"Dinner!" roared Mr. Osborne.

"Mr. George isn't come in, sir," interposed the man.

"Damn Mr. George, sir. Am I master of the house? DINNER!" Mr. Osborne

scowled. Amelia trembled. A telegraphic communication of eyes passed

between the other three ladies. The obedient bell in the lower regions

began ringing the announcement of the meal. The tolling over, the head

of the family thrust his hands into the great tail-pockets of his great

blue coat with brass buttons, and without waiting for a further

announcement strode downstairs alone, scowling over his shoulder at the

four females.

"What's the matter now, my dear?" asked one of the other, as they rose

and tripped gingerly behind the sire. "I suppose the funds are

falling," whispered Miss Wirt; and so, trembling and in silence, this

hushed female company followed their dark leader. They took their

places in silence. He growled out a blessing, which sounded as gruffly

as a curse. The great silver dish-covers were removed. Amelia trembled

in her place, for she was next to the awful Osborne, and alone on her

side of the table--the gap being occasioned by the absence of George.

"Soup?" says Mr. Osborne, clutching the ladle, fixing his eyes on her,

in a sepulchral tone; and having helped her and the rest, did not speak

for a while.

"Take Miss Sedley's plate away," at last he said. "She can't eat the

soup--no more can I. It's beastly. Take away the soup, Hicks, and

to-morrow turn the cook out of the house, Jane."

Having concluded his observations upon the soup, Mr. Osborne made a few

curt remarks respecting the fish, also of a savage and satirical

tendency, and cursed Billingsgate with an emphasis quite worthy of the

place. Then he lapsed into silence, and swallowed sundry glasses of

wine, looking more and more terrible, till a brisk knock at the door

told of George's arrival when everybody began to rally.

"He could not come before. General Daguilet had kept him waiting at

the Horse Guards. Never mind soup or fish. Give him anything--he

didn't care what. Capital mutton--capital everything." His good humour

contrasted with his father's severity; and he rattled on unceasingly

during dinner, to the delight of all--of one especially, who need not

be mentioned.

As soon as the young ladies had discussed the orange and the glass of

wine which formed the ordinary conclusion of the dismal banquets at Mr.

Osborne's house, the signal to make sail for the drawing-room was

given, and they all arose and departed. Amelia hoped George would soon

join them there. She began playing some of his favourite waltzes (then

newly imported) at the great carved-legged, leather-cased grand piano

in the drawing-room overhead. This little artifice did not bring him.

He was deaf to the waltzes; they grew fainter and fainter; the

discomfited performer left the huge instrument presently; and though

her three friends performed some of the loudest and most brilliant new

pieces of their repertoire, she did not hear a single note, but sate

thinking, and boding evil. Old Osborne's scowl, terrific always, had

never before looked so deadly to her. His eyes followed her out of the

room, as if she had been guilty of something. When they brought her

coffee, she started as though it were a cup of poison which Mr. Hicks,

the butler, wished to propose to her. What mystery was there lurking?

Oh, those women! They nurse and cuddle their presentiments, and make

darlings of their ugliest thoughts, as they do of their deformed

children.

The gloom on the paternal countenance had also impressed George Osborne

with anxiety. With such eyebrows, and a look so decidedly bilious, how

was he to extract that money from the governor, of which George was

consumedly in want? He began praising his father's wine. That was

generally a successful means of cajoling the old gentleman.

"We never got such Madeira in the West Indies, sir, as yours. Colonel

Heavytop took off three bottles of that you sent me down, under his

belt the other day."

"Did he?" said the old gentleman. "It stands me in eight shillings a

bottle."

"Will you take six guineas a dozen for it, sir?" said George, with a

laugh. "There's one of the greatest men in the kingdom wants some."

"Does he?" growled the senior. "Wish he may get it."

"When General Daguilet was at Chatham, sir, Heavytop gave him a

breakfast, and asked me for some of the wine. The General liked it

just as well--wanted a pipe for the Commander-in-Chief. He's his Royal

Highness's right-hand man."

"It is devilish fine wine," said the Eyebrows, and they looked more

good-humoured; and George was going to take advantage of this

complacency, and bring the supply question on the mahogany, when the

father, relapsing into solemnity, though rather cordial in manner, bade

him ring the bell for claret. "And we'll see if that's as good as the

Madeira, George, to which his Royal Highness is welcome, I'm sure. And

as we are drinking it, I'll talk to you about a matter of importance."

Amelia heard the claret bell ringing as she sat nervously upstairs. She

thought, somehow, it was a mysterious and presentimental bell. Of the

presentiments which some people are always having, some surely must

come right.

"What I want to know, George," the old gentleman said, after slowly

smacking his first bumper--"what I want to know is, how you

and--ah--that little thing upstairs, are carrying on?"

"I think, sir, it is not hard to see," George said, with a

self-satisfied grin. "Pretty clear, sir.--What capital wine!"

"What d'you mean, pretty clear, sir?"

"Why, hang it, sir, don't push me too hard. I'm a modest man.

I--ah--I don't set up to be a lady-killer; but I do own that she's as

devilish fond of me as she can be. Anybody can see that with half an

eye."

"And you yourself?"

"Why, sir, didn't you order me to marry her, and ain't I a good boy?

Haven't our Papas settled it ever so long?"

"A pretty boy, indeed. Haven't I heard of your doings, sir, with Lord

Tarquin, Captain Crawley of the Guards, the Honourable Mr. Deuceace and

that set. Have a care sir, have a care."

The old gentleman pronounced these aristocratic names with the greatest

gusto. Whenever he met a great man he grovelled before him, and

my-lorded him as only a free-born Briton can do. He came home and

looked out his history in the Peerage: he introduced his name into his

daily conversation; he bragged about his Lordship to his daughters. He

fell down prostrate and basked in him as a Neapolitan beggar does in

the sun. George was alarmed when he heard the names. He feared his

father might have been informed of certain transactions at play. But

the old moralist eased him by saying serenely:

"Well, well, young men will be young men. And the comfort to me is,

George, that living in the best society in England, as I hope you do;

as I think you do; as my means will allow you to do--"

"Thank you, sir," says George, making his point at once. "One can't

live with these great folks for nothing; and my purse, sir, look at

it"; and he held up a little token which had been netted by Amelia, and

contained the very last of Dobbin's pound notes.

"You shan't want, sir. The British merchant's son shan't want, sir. My

guineas are as good as theirs, George, my boy; and I don't grudge 'em.

Call on Mr. Chopper as you go through the City to-morrow; he'll have

something for you. I don't grudge money when I know you're in good

society, because I know that good society can never go wrong. There's

no pride in me. I was a humbly born man--but you have had advantages.

Make a good use of 'em. Mix with the young nobility. There's many of

'em who can't spend a dollar to your guinea, my boy. And as for the

pink bonnets (here from under the heavy eyebrows there came a knowing

and not very pleasing leer)--why boys will be boys. Only there's one

thing I order you to avoid, which, if you do not, I'll cut you off with

a shilling, by Jove; and that's gambling."

"Oh, of course, sir," said George.

"But to return to the other business about Amelia: why shouldn't you

marry higher than a stockbroker's daughter, George--that's what I want

to know?"

"It's a family business, sir," says George, cracking filberts. "You

and Mr. Sedley made the match a hundred years ago."

"I don't deny it; but people's positions alter, sir. I don't deny that

Sedley made my fortune, or rather put me in the way of acquiring, by my

own talents and genius, that proud position, which, I may say, I occupy

in the tallow trade and the City of London. I've shown my gratitude to

Sedley; and he's tried it of late, sir, as my cheque-book can show.

George! I tell you in confidence I don't like the looks of Mr.

Sedley's affairs. My chief clerk, Mr. Chopper, does not like the looks

of 'em, and he's an old file, and knows 'Change as well as any man in

London. Hulker & Bullock are looking shy at him. He's been dabbling

on his own account I fear. They say the Jeune Amelie was his, which was

taken by the Yankee privateer Molasses. And that's flat--unless I see

Amelia's ten thousand down you don't marry her. I'll have no lame

duck's daughter in my family. Pass the wine, sir--or ring for coffee."

With which Mr. Osborne spread out the evening paper, and George knew

from this signal that the colloquy was ended, and that his papa was

about to take a nap.

He hurried upstairs to Amelia in the highest spirits. What was it that

made him more attentive to her on that night than he had been for a

long time--more eager to amuse her, more tender, more brilliant in

talk? Was it that his generous heart warmed to her at the prospect of

misfortune; or that the idea of losing the dear little prize made him

value it more?

She lived upon the recollections of that happy evening for many days

afterwards, remembering his words; his looks; the song he sang; his

attitude, as he leant over her or looked at her from a distance. As it

seemed to her, no night ever passed so quickly at Mr. Osborne's house

before; and for once this young person was almost provoked to be angry

by the premature arrival of Mr. Sambo with her shawl.

George came and took a tender leave of her the next morning; and then

hurried off to the City, where he visited Mr. Chopper, his father's

head man, and received from that gentleman a document which he

exchanged at Hulker & Bullock's for a whole pocketful of money. As

George entered the house, old John Sedley was passing out of the

banker's parlour, looking very dismal. But his godson was much too

elated to mark the worthy stockbroker's depression, or the dreary eyes

which the kind old gentleman cast upon him. Young Bullock did not come

grinning out of the parlour with him as had been his wont in former

years.

And as the swinging doors of Hulker, Bullock & Co. closed upon Mr.

Sedley, Mr. Quill, the cashier (whose benevolent occupation it is to

hand out crisp bank-notes from a drawer and dispense sovereigns out of

a copper shovel), winked at Mr. Driver, the clerk at the desk on his

right. Mr. Driver winked again.

"No go," Mr. D. whispered.

"Not at no price," Mr. Q. said. "Mr. George Osborne, sir, how will

you take it?" George crammed eagerly a quantity of notes into his

pockets, and paid Dobbin fifty pounds that very evening at mess.

That very evening Amelia wrote him the tenderest of long letters. Her

heart was overflowing with tenderness, but it still foreboded evil.

What was the cause of Mr. Osborne's dark looks? she asked. Had any

difference arisen between him and her papa? Her poor papa returned so

melancholy from the City, that all were alarmed about him at home--in

fine, there were four pages of loves and fears and hopes and

forebodings.

"Poor little Emmy--dear little Emmy. How fond she is of me," George

said, as he perused the missive--"and Gad, what a headache that mixed

punch has given me!" Poor little Emmy, indeed.