CHAPTER XL

That was an extraordinary dinner. The famished aristocracy hovered about

the kitchen porch like waifs, pleading for the privilege of assisting.

Ten Eyck wanted to scour the cake-dish or put raisins in something. He

and the rest were set to work dusting the palatial dining-hall and

bringing forth the best Enslee plate. Willie stood by and warned them to

be careful. He was in so triumphant a humor that he felt nearly like

breaking something himself.

When at last the board was decked, the candelabra alight, fresh flowers

lavished everywhere, and chairs arranged, the guests were ravenous.

"Do we dress for dinner?" said Ten Eyck. Winifred threw a boiled potato

at him. It grazed Mrs. Neff, who swore splendidly and was prepared to

respond with a mop when disarmed.

It was one of the necessities of the feast that the entire body of

guests should be also the corps of waiters. The service would have

appalled the shabbiest butler. There were woeful collisions at the

deadly swinging doors; wine-glasses that had been made in Bohemia and

monogrammed there were splintered. A wonderful soup-tureen of historic

associations was juggled and lost. It fell on a venerable rug of every

color except spilled soup. The tureen was picked up empty and badly

dented.

But nothing could check the riot. There were battles around the

serving-tables in the kitchen and the pantry and at the sideboard. Those

who got their plates filled rushed to their places like fed dogs

dispersing each with its bone.

Winifred was exhausted by her long day's work. She made no pretense of

toilet, but followed her viands in and slumped into her chair with

sleeves rolled up, knees apart, and the general collapsed look of cooks.

Forbes had taken off his coat for his kitchen work. Winifred would not

let him put it on again.

"My butler and footmen eat with their livery on the back of their

chairs," she said. "We'll make this a regular banquet in the servants'

hall."

The idea pleased everybody but Willie. They had all happened into the

servants' dining-rooms during the meals of those weary ministers, so now

they sprawled and gobbled and chattered in the best imitation they could

improvise.

"Our own people are probably eating at our own tables at home," said

Mrs. Neff, "and passing scandal with every plate."

"There's the one thing missing to make this a true servant's soiree,"

said Ten Eyck--"a lot of down-stairs gossip. I am now Willie's man:

'Whatever do you suppose I turned up this morning whilst I was unpacking

the mahster's bag after his trip to Philadelphia--a receipted bill for

five-and-twenty dollars for Mr. and Mrs. William Jones, one night's

lodging, so 'elp me!'"

Everybody glanced at Willie, but he giggled. "You flatter me."

Alice, with the sophistication that young women have apparently always

had except in fiction, put up her hand reprovingly to Ten Eyck.

"No depravity, no depravity! Remember my young mother is present. Now

I'm our second man talking to my maid: 'My Missus, for all she's so

crool to her darling dorter Aluss, do you knaow the hour she come in

lawst night? Nao? Four o'clock this mornin', she did! Strike me if she

didn't!'"

Mrs. Neff smiled and retaliated: "Now I'm Alice's Hibernian maid: 'At

that the ould shrew had nothin' on Miss Aluss. Whilst her mother was

toorkey-trattin', wasn't the darlin' child after tahkin' four dollars'

worth of baby-tahk over the telephone to that young bosthoon of a Stowe

Webb.'"

"How on earth did you find out?" said Alice.

Mrs. Neff's answer was further revelation of the domestic secret

service: "It's a nice little colleen, Aluss is, and pays me liberal for

smooglin' notes in and out of the house. And then the ould woman pays me

still more liberal to bring the notes to her first. It's a right careful

mother she is."

Alice stared in horror, and Mrs. Neff tee-hee'd like a malicious little

girl. Winifred came to Alice's rescue with a cross-fire:

"Now I'm Mrs. Neff's secretary talking to my little niece's governess."

"Help, help!" cried Mrs. Neff. "No fair, Winifred. I had to discharge

the cat. If you dare, I'll give an imitation of your laundress talking

to--"

"I surrender," said Winifred, hastily.

"Go on," said Ten Eyck. "As Connie Ediss sang, 'It all comes out in the

wash.'"

Mrs. Neff put up her hand. "As official duenna of this family, I think

we'd better change the game or put out the lights."

"That's a fine idea!" said Ten Eyck. "A game of tag in the dark."

"Not in my dark!" said Willie, sternly, with a calm incisiveness that

surprised everybody and ended the project before it was begun.

Ten Eyck complained: "We came here to be rid of the spying servants, and

we've been more respectable than ever."

"Crowds are almost always respectable," said Mrs. Neff, "unless they're

drunk."

"Everybody is almost always respectable," said Ten Eyck. "Even the worst

of us only sin for a few minutes at a time. A murder takes but a

moment, and thieves are notorious loafers. This talk of a life of sin is

mostly rot, I think. Sin is a spasm, not a life."

"It's the remorse and the atonement that make up the life," said Mrs.

Neff.

"Good Lord, how funereal we are," said Persis, "talking about sin and

spasms and remorse when the flowers are blooming and the moonlight is

pounding on the windows! We ought to be--"

"Washing the dishes," said Winifred, rising. "Come on, the all of youse,

clear up this mess and get into the suds. Persis and Mrs. Neff and Alice

are the dish-washing squad to-night, and Willie and Murray can wipe them

dry."

"We haven't had our smoke yet," protested Mrs. Neff. A respite was

granted for this.

Everybody smoked but Alice.

"What's the matter with you, Alice?" said Winifred. "Sore throat?"

Alice shrugged her shoulders and answered, "Ask my awful mother."

Mrs. Neff flicked the ashes off her cigarette. "My father always used to

tell my brothers that tobacco wouldn't hurt them if they didn't smoke

till they were twenty-one. I think it applies to women also."

"Great heavens!" said Winifred, pretending to put away her cigarette,

"I've ruined my life. No wonder I'm wasting away."

"Eighteen is the legal age for women," said Ten Eyck.

Winifred resumed her cigarette with a mock childishness. "Then I can

just qualify. I was eighteen last--"

"Last century, my dear?" Mrs. Neff cooed.

"For that you can scrub the pots and pans, darling," Winifred crooned.

"And I was going to let you off with the wine-glasses. Another crack

like that and I'll have you stoking the range."

"I am a martyr in the cause of truth," Mrs. Neff groaned. "Come on;

let's get it over with."

Winifred was a sharp taskmaster, and so bulky that none of the women

dared to disobey. Nor the men either. Forbes was for helping Persis and

saving her delicate hands, but Winifred would not have him in the pantry

at all:

"The little snojer cooked the dinner, and he gets a furlough. If I could

trust the rest of you I'd walk with him in the moonlight and let him

hold my dainty white mitt in his manly clasp."

Forbes was banished, and spent his exile pacing up and down smoking and

peering in at the window, where Persis, aproned and wet-armed and with a

speck of soot on her nose, buried her jeweled fingers in greasy

dish-water, and smoked the while her customary cigarette. She was more

fascinating than ever to Forbes, whose mind kept ringing the domestic

chimes.

When the kitchen and dining-room chores were done to the satisfaction of

Winifred, who demanded as much of her amateur scullions as she would

have demanded of her own servants, they were all exhausted. Returning to

the living-room, they sprawled in those inelegant attitudes that tired

laborers assume. Their minds were jaded with their muscles.

"I never understood before why my servants are so snappy at night," said

Mrs. Neff. "If anybody speaks to me I'll cry."

"Pull down your skirts, at least, mother," said Alice.

"They're too far away," sighed Mrs. Neff. "And nobody's interested in my

old legs."

Alice, with the fierce decency of the young, rose wearily, bent down,

put her mother's ankles together, and covered them with the skirt.

"Isn't it odd," sighed Mrs. Neff, "how we pretend that old people must

go along to chaperon the young? It ought to be the other way about."

Alice was too tired to get up. She sank on the floor and laid her head

on her mother's knee. And Mrs. Neff put out a thin, white hand upon the

girl's soft hair.

"It's a nice little girl, sometimes," she sighed.

"And it would be a nice little mother," said Alice, "if--"

"Don't say it, my child. He's not the man for you at all. I know best.

I'm thinking of your happiness." Alice shrugged a skeptical comment.

Her mother went on: "Do you remember how you had all the chocolate

creams you wanted--once? You couldn't look at one for a year after.

Well, living on love alone is like trying to live on chocolate creams

alone. And he couldn't afford even to keep you in chocolate creams."

Alice made no answer. She sat studying her own thoughts.

Forbes felt a sudden kinship with Alice's absent lover and beloved, this

Stowe Webb, whose crime was lack of money. He imagined that Persis'

mother had told her the same cold things that Alice was hearing now. He

began to believe that many daughters must hear such financial talk

against love from their mothers. He had heard so many married women

scoff at love as a delusion. He wondered if, after all, it were not

really man, rather than woman, who is the romantic animal.

"Men," he pondered, "write the great poems and the great romances, paint

the great pictures, fight the great fights against nature and ignorance

and oppression and poverty. They compose the great music, supply the

demand for love songs and love stories, and build the places to love in.

Then they lay their wealth and ambition and achievement at the feet of

little women, and each little woman selects from those that gather at

her feet the one that she thinks will dress her best and house her best

and give her the best time."

He had read much in books, written chiefly by gallant gentlemen whose

flattery was greater than their accuracy, that woman was a slave, a toy,

a plaything, a victim of man's cruelty. Now he began to believe that in

the vast bulk of instances the reverse was true. The little women set

their feet on the men's necks and rode upon their shoulders, and when

they were displeased pulled the men's hair, poked fingers into their

eyes, or abandoned them entirely.

He felt again what he had felt when he studied Fifth Avenue and its

womankind; for every woman's finery some man pays. Woman was the

grasping sex, the exacting, yet extravagant sex. The eternal feminine

was the eternal calculatrix.

He had wondered what these women paid for what they got from men. He

believed now that he had found the answer. They paid with their bodies,

their kisses, the encircling of arms, the cooing of tender words. In

return for so much money they granted permission to spend yet more.

He studied Persis; how beautiful she was, how soft and gracile, how apt

to endearments! Yet she held herself at a price, at a high price, and

called it pride, self-protection. What was it but self-exploitation?

Yet what man ever desired an object less because it was beyond his

means? Persis was certainly no less adorable to Forbes because he could

not buy her. He would have to get along without her. But, having once

held her in his arms while she held him in hers, he would never cease to

desire her. Like the father of a spendthrift child, he rather felt

ashamed of himself for being incompetent to meet her demands, than

contemned her for making them.

After a while of silent meditation Mrs. Neff spoke up, briskly:

"There's only one thing that would rest me, and that's a tango. Where

are those records we bought this afternoon?"

On the homeward way the motor party had passed a shop where disks were

kept, and had bought up the entire visible supply of latter-day tunes to

replace the dances of yesteryear. There was general agreement that it

was high time to turkey-trot again.

"I'll run the machine," said Winifred. "Bob Fielding isn't here, and

I'll be true to his memory for a dance or two."

"I choose to dance with Major General Forbes," said Mrs. Neff, "unless

he's otherwise engaged."

"Before we dance," said Willie, "I have an announcement to make. Ladies

and gentlemen, so to speak"--he cleared his throat and ran his fingers

round inside his tight collar--"I am about to--er--give birth--er--to an

after-dinner speech--my first and only."

"Hear! Hear!"

"Some time ago Miss Persis--er--Cabot, whom you all know, did me

the--er--unspeakable honor of consenting to become Mrs.

William--er--Enslee. Circumstances rendered it--er--advisable to

defer--er--the publication of the glorious--er--news, so to speak. But

Miss Cabot has to-night given me--er--permission to announce--"

"I have not!" Persis broke in; but Willie put up his hand.

"Order in the court--er! Anyway, now you know the worst. You behold in

me the happiest man on--er--earth."

There was a round of applause, and Ten Eyck proposed "three lusty chahs

and a tigress for the--er--bride and--er--groom--er."

Forbes felt as if a shell full of shrapnel had burst at his feet.

Military instinct brought his heels together, and he stood as erect as

Dreyfus did when they tore the buttons from his tunic and snapped his

sword in two before him. He stared at the revel that broke out around

Persis and Enslee. In his eyes it had something of the hideousness of

savages dancing. It was a torture dance, and he was the man at the

stake.