Part 3

There was one serious flaw in Ann Veronica’s arrangements for

self-rehabilitation, and that was Ramage. He hung over her--he and his

loan to her and his connection with her and that terrible evening--a

vague, disconcerting possibility of annoyance and exposure. She could

not see any relief from this anxiety except repayment, and repayment

seemed impossible. The raising of twenty-five pounds was a task

altogether beyond her powers. Her birthday was four months away, and

that, at its extremist point, might give her another five pounds.

The thing rankled in her mind night and day. She would wake in the night

to repeat her bitter cry: “Oh, why did I burn those notes?”

It added greatly to the annoyance of the situation that she had twice

seen Ramage in the Avenue since her return to the shelter of her

father’s roof. He had saluted her with elaborate civility, his eyes

distended with indecipherable meanings.

She felt she was bound in honor to tell the whole affair to Manning

sooner or later. Indeed, it seemed inevitable that she must clear it up

with his assistance, or not at all. And when Manning was not about

the thing seemed simple enough. She would compose extremely lucid and

honorable explanations. But when it came to broaching them, it proved to

be much more difficult than she had supposed.

They went down the great staircase of the building, and, while she

sought in her mind for a beginning, he broke into appreciation of her

simple dress and self-congratulations upon their engagement.

“It makes me feel,” he said, “that nothing is impossible--to have you

here beside me. I said, that day at Surbiton, ‘There’s many good things

in life, but there’s only one best, and that’s the wild-haired girl

who’s pulling away at that oar. I will make her my Grail, and some day,

perhaps, if God wills, she shall become my wife!’”

He looked very hard before him as he said this, and his voice was full

of deep feeling.

“Grail!” said Ann Veronica, and then: “Oh, yes--of course! Anything but

a holy one, I’m afraid.”

“Altogether holy, Ann Veronica. Ah! but you can’t imagine what you are

to me and what you mean to me! I suppose there is something mystical and

wonderful about all women.”

“There is something mystical and wonderful about all human beings. I

don’t see that men need bank it with the women.”

“A man does,” said Manning--“a true man, anyhow. And for me there is

only one treasure-house. By Jove! When I think of it I want to leap and

shout!”

“It would astonish that man with the barrow.”

“It astonishes me that I don’t,” said Manning, in a tone of intense

self-enjoyment.

“I think,” began Ann Veronica, “that you don’t realize--”

He disregarded her entirely. He waved an arm and spoke with a peculiar

resonance. “I feel like a giant! I believe now I shall do great things.

Gods! what it must be to pour out strong, splendid verse--mighty

lines! mighty lines! If I do, Ann Veronica, it will be you. It will be

altogether you. I will dedicate my books to you. I will lay them all at

your feet.”

He beamed upon her.

“I don’t think you realize,” Ann Veronica began again, “that I am rather

a defective human being.”

“I don’t want to,” said Manning. “They say there are spots on the sun.

Not for me. It warms me, and lights me, and fills my world with flowers.

Why should I peep at it through smoked glass to see things that don’t

affect me?” He smiled his delight at his companion.

“I’ve got bad faults.”

He shook his head slowly, smiling mysteriously.

“But perhaps I want to confess them.”

“I grant you absolution.”

“I don’t want absolution. I want to make myself visible to you.”

“I wish I could make you visible to yourself. I don’t believe in the

faults. They’re just a joyous softening of the outline--more beautiful

than perfection. Like the flaws of an old marble. If you talk of your

faults, I shall talk of your splendors.”

“I do want to tell you things, nevertheless.”

“We’ll have, thank God! ten myriad days to tell each other things. When

I think of it--”

“But these are things I want to tell you now!”

“I made a little song of it. Let me say it to you. I’ve no name for it

yet. Epithalamy might do.

“Like him who stood on Darien

I view uncharted sea

Ten thousand days, ten thousand nights

Before my Queen and me.

“And that only brings me up to about sixty-five!

“A glittering wilderness of time

That to the sunset reaches

No keel as yet its waves has ploughed

Or gritted on its beaches.

“And we will sail that splendor wide,

From day to day together,

From isle to isle of happiness

Through year’s of God’s own weather.”

“Yes,” said his prospective fellow-sailor, “that’s very pretty.” She

stopped short, full of things un-said. Pretty! Ten thousand days, ten

thousand nights!

“You shall tell me your faults,” said Manning. “If they matter to you,

they matter.”

“It isn’t precisely faults,” said Ann Veronica. “It’s something that

bothers me.” Ten thousand! Put that way it seemed so different.

“Then assuredly!” said Manning.

She found a little difficulty in beginning. She was glad when he went

on: “I want to be your city of refuge from every sort of bother. I want

to stand between you and all the force and vileness of the world. I want

to make you feel that here is a place where the crowd does not clamor

nor ill-winds blow.”

“That is all very well,” said Ann Veronica, unheeded.

“That is my dream of you,” said Manning, warming. “I want my life to be

beaten gold just in order to make it a fitting setting for yours. There

you will be, in an inner temple. I want to enrich it with hangings and

gladden it with verses. I want to fill it with fine and precious things.

And by degrees, perhaps, that maiden distrust of yours that makes you

shrink from my kisses, will vanish.... Forgive me if a certain

warmth creeps into my words! The Park is green and gray to-day, but I am

glowing pink and gold.... It is difficult to express these things.”