Part 4

They sat with tea and strawberries and cream before them at a little

table in front of the pavilion in Regent’s Park. Her confession was

still unmade. Manning leaned forward on the table, talking discursively

on the probable brilliance of their married life. Ann Veronica sat back

in an attitude of inattention, her eyes on a distant game of cricket,

her mind perplexed and busy. She was recalling the circumstances under

which she had engaged herself to Manning, and trying to understand a

curious development of the quality of this relationship.

The particulars of her engagement were very clear in her memory. She had

taken care he should have this momentous talk with her on a garden-seat

commanded by the windows of the house. They had been playing tennis,

with his manifest intention looming over her.

“Let us sit down for a moment,” he had said. He made his speech a little

elaborately. She plucked at the knots of her racket and heard him to the

end, then spoke in a restrained undertone.

“You ask me to be engaged to you, Mr. Manning,” she began.

“I want to lay all my life at your feet.”

“Mr. Manning, I do not think I love you.... I want to be very plain

with you. I have nothing, nothing that can possibly be passion for you.

I am sure. Nothing at all.”

He was silent for some moments.

“Perhaps that is only sleeping,” he said. “How can you know?”

“I think--perhaps I am rather a cold-blooded person.”

She stopped. He remained listening attentively.

“You have been very kind to me,” she said.

“I would give my life for you.”

Her heart had warmed toward him. It had seemed to her that life might

be very good indeed with his kindliness and sacrifice about her. She

thought of him as always courteous and helpful, as realizing, indeed,

his ideal of protection and service, as chivalrously leaving her free to

live her own life, rejoicing with an infinite generosity in every detail

of her irresponsive being. She twanged the catgut under her fingers.

“It seems so unfair,” she said, “to take all you offer me and give so

little in return.”

“It is all the world to me. And we are not traders looking at

equivalents.”

“You know, Mr. Manning, I do not really want to marry.”

“No.”

“It seems so--so unworthy”--she picked among her phrases “of the noble

love you give--”

She stopped, through the difficulty she found in expressing herself.

“But I am judge of that,” said Manning.

“Would you wait for me?”

Manning was silent for a space. “As my lady wills.”

“Would you let me go on studying for a time?”

“If you order patience.”

“I think, Mr. Manning... I do not know. It is so difficult. When I

think of the love you give me--One ought to give you back love.”

“You like me?”

“Yes. And I am grateful to you....”

Manning tapped with his racket on the turf through some moments of

silence. “You are the most perfect, the most glorious of created

things--tender, frank intellectual, brave, beautiful. I am your

servitor. I am ready to wait for you, to wait your pleasure, to give all

my life to winning it. Let me only wear your livery. Give me but leave

to try. You want to think for a time, to be free for a time. That is so

like you, Diana--Pallas Athene! (Pallas Athene is better.) You are all

the slender goddesses. I understand. Let me engage myself. That is all I

ask.”

She looked at him; his face, downcast and in profile, was handsome and

strong. Her gratitude swelled within her.

“You are too good for me,” she said in a low voice.

“Then you--you will?”

A long pause.

“It isn’t fair....”

“But will you?”

“YES.”

For some seconds he had remained quite still.

“If I sit here,” he said, standing up before her abruptly, “I shall

have to shout. Let us walk about. Tum, tum, tirray, tum, tum, tum,

te-tum--that thing of Mendelssohn’s! If making one human being

absolutely happy is any satisfaction to you--”

He held out his hands, and she also stood up.

He drew her close up to him with a strong, steady pull. Then suddenly,

in front of all those windows, he folded her in his arms and pressed her

to him, and kissed her unresisting face.

“Don’t!” cried Ann Veronica, struggling faintly, and he released her.

“Forgive me,” he said. “But I am at singing-pitch.”

She had a moment of sheer panic at the thing she had done. “Mr.

Manning,” she said, “for a time--Will you tell no one? Will you keep

this--our secret? I’m doubtful--Will you please not even tell my aunt?”

“As you will,” he said. “But if my manner tells! I cannot help it if

that shows. You only mean a secret for a little time?”

“Just for a little time,” she said; “yes....”

But the ring, and her aunt’s triumphant eye, and a note of approval in

her father’s manner, and a novel disposition in him to praise Manning

in a just, impartial voice had soon placed very definite qualifications

upon that covenanted secrecy.