CHAPTER V.

SEVERAL ADVENTURES THAT HAPPENED TO THE AUTHOR. THE AUTHOR SHOWS

HIS SKILL IN NAVIGATION.

I should have lived happily enough in that country, if my littleness had

not exposed me to several ridiculous and troublesome accidents, some of

which I shall venture to relate. Glumdalclitch often carried me into the

gardens of the court in my smaller box, and would sometimes take me out

of it, and hold me in her hand, or set me down to walk. I remember,

before the dwarf left the queen, he followed us one day into those

gardens, and my nurse having set me down, he and I being close together,

near some dwarf apple-trees, I must needs show my wit by a silly

allusion between him and the trees, which happens to hold in their

language, as it doth in ours. Whereupon the malicious rogue, watching

his opportunity, when I was walking under one of them, shook it directly

over my head; by which a dozen apples, each of them near as large as a

Bristol barrel, came tumbling about my ears; one of them hit me on the

back as I chanced to stoop, and knocked me down flat on my face; but I

received no other hurt; and the dwarf was pardoned at my desire, because

I had given the provocation.

[Illustration]

Another day, Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth grass-plot to divert

myself, while she walked at some distance with her governess. In the

meantime there suddenly fell such a violent shower of hail, that I was

immediately, by the force of it, struck to the ground; and when I was

down, the hail stones gave me such cruel bangs all over the body as if I

had been pelted with tennis-balls, however, I made a shift to creep on

all fours, and shelter myself by lying flat on my face on the lee-side

of a border of lemon-thyme, but so bruised from head to foot that I

could not go abroad in ten days. Neither is this at all to be wondered

at, because nature, in that country, observing the same proportion

through all her operations, a hail-stone is near eighteen hundred times

as large as one in Europe, which I can assert upon experience, having

been so curious to weigh and measure them.

But a more dangerous accident happened to me in the same garden, when my

little nurse, believing she had put me in a secure place, which I often

entreated her to do, that I might enjoy my own thoughts, and having left

my box at home, to avoid the trouble of carrying it, went to another

part of the garden with governess and some ladies of her acquaintance,

she was absent and out of hearing, a small white belonging to one of the

chief gardeners, having got by accident into the garden, happened to

place where I lay: the dog, following the scent, came directly up, and

taking me in his mouth, ran straight to his master, wagging his tail,

and set me gently on the ground. By good fortune, he had been so well

taught, that I was carried between his teeth without the least hurt, or

even tearing my clothes. But the poor gardener, who knew me well, and

had a great kindness for me, was in a terrible fright: he gently took me

up in both his hands, and asked me how I did; but I was so amazed and

out of breath, that I could not speak a word. In a few minutes I came to

myself, and he carried me safe to my little nurse, who by this time had

returned to the place where she left me, and was in cruel agonies when I

did not appear nor answer when she called. She severely reprimanded the

gardener on account of his dog, but the thing was bushed up and never

known at court; for the girl was afraid of the queen's anger, and truly,

as to myself, I thought it would not be for my reputation that such a

story should go about.

This accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to trust me

abroad for the future out of her sight. I had been long afraid of this

resolution, and therefore concealed from her some little unlucky

adventures that happened in those times when I was left by myself. Once

a kite, hovering over the garden, made a stoop at me; and if I had not

resolutely drawn my hanger, and run under a thick espalier,[67] he would

have certainly carried me away in his talons. Another time, walking to

the top of a fresh mole-hill, I fell to my neck in the hole through

which that animal had cast up the earth. I likewise broke my right shin

against the shell of a snail, which I happened to stumble over as I was

walking alone and thinking on poor England.

I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified to observe in

those solitary walks that the smaller birds did not appear to be at all

afraid of me, but would hop about within a yard's distance, looking for

worms and other food, with as much indifference and security as if no

creature at all were near them. I remember a thrush had the confidence

to snatch out of my hand with his bill a piece of cake that

Glumdalclitch had just given me for my breakfast.

When I attempted to catch any of these birds they would boldly turn

against me, endeavoring to pick my fingers, which I durst not venture

within their reach; and then they would hop back unconcerned to hunt for

worms and snails as they did before. But one day I took a thick cudgel,

and threw it with all my strength so luckily at a linnet that I knocked

him down, and seizing him by the neck with both my hands ran with him in

triumph to my nurse. However, the bird, who had only been stunned,

recovering himself, gave me so many boxes with his wings on both sides

of my head and body, though I held him at arm's length and was out of

the reach of his claws, that I was twenty times thinking of letting him

go. But I was soon relieved by one of our servants, who wrung off the

bird's neck, and I had him next day for dinner by the queen's command.

This linnet, as near as I can remember, seemed to be somewhat larger

than an English swan.

The queen, who often used to hear me talk of my sea-voyages, and took

all occasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked me, whether I

understood how to handle a sail or an oar, and whether a little exercise

of rowing might not be convenient for my health. I answered, that I

understood both very well; for, although my proper employment had been

to be surgeon or doctor to the ship, yet often, upon a pinch, I was

forced to work like a common mariner. But I could not see how this could

be done in their country, where the smallest wherry was equal to a

first-rate man-of-war among us, and such a boat as I could manage would

never live in any of their rivers.

[Illustration: "THE SMALLER BIRDS DID NOT APPEAR TO BE AT ALL AFRAID OF

ME." P. 57.]

Her majesty said, if I could contrive a boat, her own joiner should make

it, and she would provide a place for me to sail in. The fellow was an

ingenious workman, and, by my instructions, in ten days finished a

pleasure-boat, with all its tackling, able conveniently to hold eight

Europeans. When it was finished, the queen was so delighted that she

ran with it in her lap to the king, who ordered it to be put in a

cistern full of water, with me in it, by way of trial; where I could not

manage my two sculls,[68] or little oars, for want of room.

But the queen had before contrived another project. She ordered the

joiner to make a wooden trough of three hundred feet long, fifty broad,

and eight deep; which, being well pitched, to prevent leaking, was

placed on the floor along the wall in an outer room of the palace. It

had a cock near the bottom to let out the water, when it began to grow

stale; and two servants could easily fill it in half-an-hour. Here I

often used to row for my own diversion, as well as that of the queen and

her ladies, who thought themselves well entertained with my skill and

agility. Sometimes I would put up my sail, and then my business was only

to steer, while the ladies gave me a gale with their fans; and when they

were weary, some of their pages would blow my sail forward with their

breath, while I showed my art by steering starboard[69] or larboard, as

I pleased. When I had done, Glumdalclitch always carried back my boat,

into her closet, and hung it oh a nail to dry.

In this exercise I once met an accident, which had like to have cost me

my life; for one of the pages having put my boat into the trough, the

governess, who attended Glumdalclitch, very officiously lifted me up to

place me in the boat, but I happened to slip through her fingers, and

should infallibly have fallen down forty feet upon the floor, if, by the

luckiest chance in the world, I had not been stopped by a

corking-pin[70] that stuck in the good gentlewoman's stomacher;[71] the

head of the pin passed between my shirt and the waistband of my

breeches, and thus I held by the middle in the air, till Glumdalclitch

ran to my relief.

[Illustration: "GAVE ME A GALE WITH THEIR FANS." P. 60.]

Another time, one of the servants, whose office it was to fill my trough

every third day with fresh water, was so careless as to let a huge frog

(not perceiving it) slip out of his pail. The frog lay concealed till I

was put into my boat, but then seeing a resting-place, climbed up, and

made it lean so much on one side that I was forced to balance it with

all my weight on the other to prevent overturning. When the frog was got

in, it hopped at once half the length of the boat, and then over my head

backwards and forwards. The largeness of its features made it appear the

most deformed animal that can be conceived. However, I desired

Glumdalclitch to let me deal with it alone. I banged it a good while

with one of my sculls, and at last forced it to leap out of the boat.

But the greatest danger I ever underwent in that kingdom was from a

monkey, who belonged to one of the clerks of the kitchen. Glumdalclitch

had locked me up in her closet, while she went somewhere upon business

or a visit. The weather being very warm the closet window was left open,

as well as the windows and the door of my bigger box, in which I usually

lived, because of its largeness and conveniency. As I sat quietly

meditating at my table, I heard something bounce in at the closet

window, and skip about from one side to the other; whereat, although I

was much alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but not stirring from my

seat; and then I saw this frolicsome animal frisking and leaping up and

down, till at last he came to my box, which he seemed to view with

great pleasure and curiosity, peeping in at the door and every window.

[Illustration]

I retreated to the farther corner of my room or box; but the monkey

looking in at every side, put me into such a fright that I wanted

presence of mind to conceal myself under the bed, as I might easily have

done. After some time spent in peeping, grinning, and chattering, he at

last espied me, and reaching one of his paws in at the door, as a cat

does when she plays with a mouse, although I often shifted place to

avoid him, he at length seized the lappet of my coat (which, being made

of that country silk, was very thick and strong), and dragged me out. He

took me out in his right fore-foot, and held me as a nurse does a child,

just as I have seen the same sort of creature do with a kitten in

Europe: and, when I offered to struggle, he squeezed me so hard that I

thought it more prudent to submit. I have good reason to believe that he

took me for a young one of his own species, by his often stroking my

face very gently with his other paw.

In these diversions he was interrupted by a noise at the closet door, as

if somebody were opening it; whereupon he suddenly leaped up to the

window, at which he had come in, and thence upon the leads and gutters

walking upon three legs, and holding me in the fourth, till he clambered

up to a roof that was next to ours. I heard Glumdalclitch give a shriek

at the moment he was carrying me out. The poor girl was almost

distracted. That quarter of the palace was all in an uproar; the

servants ran for ladders; the monkey was seen by hundreds in the court,

sitting upon the ridge of a building, holding me like a baby in one of

his fore-paws: whereat many of the rabble below could not forbear

laughing; neither do I think they justly ought to be blamed, for without

question, the sight was ridiculous enough to everybody but myself. Some

of the people threw up stones, hoping to drive the monkey down; but this

was strictly forbidden, or else very probably my brains had been dashed

out.

The ladders were now applied, and mounted by several men, which the

monkey observing, and finding himself almost encompassed, not being able

to make speed enough with his three legs, let me drop on a ridge tile,

and made his escape. Here I sat for some time, five hundred yards from

the ground, expecting every moment to be blown down by the wind, or to

fall by my own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the ridge

to the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse's footmen, climbed up,

and putting me into his breeches-pocket, brought me down safe.

I was so weak and bruised in the sides with the squeezes given me by

this odious animal, that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight. The

king, queen, and all the court, sent every day to inquire after my

health, and her majesty made me several visits during my sickness. The

monkey was killed, and an order made that no such animal should be kept

about the palace.

When I attended the king, after my recovery, to return him thanks for

his favors, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this adventure.

He asked me what my thoughts and speculations were while I lay in the

monkey's paw. He desired to know what I would have done upon such an

occasion in my own country. I told his majesty that in Europe we had no

monkeys, except such as were brought for curiosities from other places,

and so small, that I could deal with a dozen of them together if they

presumed to attack me. And as for that monstrous animal with whom I was

so lately engaged (it was, indeed, as large as an elephant) if my fears

had suffered me to think so far as to make use of my hanger (looking

fiercely, and clapping my hand upon the hilt, as I spoke) when he poked

his paw into my chamber, perhaps I should have given him such a wound as

would have made him glad to withdraw it with more haste than he put it

in. This I delivered in a firm tone, like a person who was jealous lest

his courage should be called in question.

However, my speech produced nothing else besides a loud laughter, which

all the respect due to his majesty from those about him could not make

them contain. This made me reflect how vain an attempt it is for a man

to endeavor to do himself honor among those who are out of all degree of

equality or comparison with him. And yet I have seen the moral of my own

behavior very frequent in England since my return, where a little

contemptible varlet,[72] without the least title to birth, person, wit,

or common-sense, shall presume to look with importance, and put himself

upon a foot with the greatest persons of the kingdom.

I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story; and

Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet was arch enough to

inform the queen whenever I committed any folly that she thought would

be diverting to her majesty. The girl, who had been out of order, was

carried by her governess to take the air about an hour's distance, or

thirty miles from town. They alighted out of the coach near a small

footpath in a field, and, Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling-box,

I went out of it to walk. There was a pool of mud in the path, and I

must needs try my activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a run,

but unfortunately jumped short, and found myself just in the middle up

to my knees. I waded through with some difficulty, and one of the

footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief, for I was

filthily bemired; and my nurse confined me to my box till we returned

home, when the queen was soon informed of what had passed, and the

footman spread it about the court; so that all the mirth for some days

was at my expense.