CHAPTER XLIII

We lodge at a House near Amiens, where I am robbed by the Capuchin, who

escapes while I am asleep—I go to Noyons in search of him, but without

Success—make my Condition known to several People, but find no

Relief—grow desperate—find a Company of Soldiers—Enlist in the Regiment

of Picardy—we are ordered into Germany—I find the Fatigues of the March

almost intolerable—Quarrel with my Comrade in a dispute about

Politics—he challenges me to the Field—wounds and disarms me

The third night of our pilgrimage we passed at a house near Amiens,

where being unknown, we supped upon indifferent fare and sour wine, and

were fain to be in a garret upon an old mattress, which, I believe had

been in the possession of ten thousand myriads of fleas time out of

mind. We did not invade their territory with impunity; in less than a

minute we were attacked by stings innumerable, in spite of which,

however, I fell fast asleep, being excessively fatigued with our day’s

march, and did not wake till nine next morning, when, seeing myself

alone, I started up in a terrible fright, and, examining my pockets,

found my presaging fear too true! My companion had made free with my

cash, and left me to seek my way to Paris by myself! I ran down stairs

immediately; and, with a look full of grief and amazement, inquired for

the mendicant, who, they gave me to understand, had set out four hours

before, after having told them I was a little indisposed, and desired I

might not be disturbed, but be informed when I should wake, that he had

taken the road to Noyons, where he would wait for my coming, at the Coq

d’Or. I spoke not a word, but with a heavy heart directed my course to

that place, at which I arrived in the afternoon, fainting with

weariness and hunger; but learned to my utter confusion, that no such

person had been there! It was happy for me that I had a good deal of

resentment in my constitution, which animated me on such occasions

against the villainy of mankind, and enabled me to bear misfortunes,

otherwise intolerable. Boiling with indignation, I discovered to the

host my deplorable condition, and inveighed with great bitterness

against the treachery of Balthazar; at which he shrugged up his

shoulders, and with a peculiar grimace on his countenance, said, he was

sorry for my misfortune, but there was no remedy like patience. At that

instant some guests arrived, to whom he hastened to offer his service,

leaving me mortified at his indifference, and fully persuaded that an

innkeeper is the same sordid animal all the world over.

While I stood in the porch forlorn and undetermined, venting

ejaculations of curses against the thief who had robbed me, and the old

priest who recommended him to my friendship, a young gentleman richly

dressed, attended by a valet de chambre and two servants in livery,

arrived at the inn. I thought I perceived a great deal of sweetness and

good-nature in his countenance; therefore he had no sooner alighted

than I accosted him, and, in a few words, explained my situation: he

listened with great politeness, and, when I made an end of my story,

said, “Well, monsieur, what would you have me to do?” I was effectually

abashed at this interrogation, which, I believe, no man of common sense

or generosity could make, and made no other compliment than a low bow:

he returned the compliment still lower, and tripped into an apartment,

while the landlord let me know that my standing there to interrupt

company gave offence, and might do him infinite prejudice. He had no

occasion to repeat his insinuation; I moved from the place immediately,

and was so much transported with grief, anger, and disdain, that a

torrent of blood gushed from my nostrils. In this ecstacy, I quitted

Noyons, and betook myself to the fields, where I wandered about like

one distracted, till my spirits were quite exhausted, and I was obliged

to throw myself down at the root of a tree, to rest my wearied limbs.

Here my rage forsook me: I began to feel the importunate cravings of

nature, and relapsed into silent sorrow and melancholy reflection. I

revolved all the crimes I had been guilty of and found them too few and

venial, that I could not comprehend the justice of that Providence,

which, after having exposed me to so much wretchedness and danger, left

me a prey to famine at last in a foreign country, where I had not one

friend or acquaintance to close my eyes, and do the last offices of

humanity to my miserable carcass. A thousand times I wished myself a

bear, that I might retreat to woods and deserts, far from the

inhospitable haunts of man, where I could live by my own talents,

independent of treacherous friends and supercilious scorn.

As I lay in this manner, groaning over my hapless fate, I heard the

sound of a violin, and raising my head, perceived a company of men and

women dancing on the grass at some distance from me. I looked upon this

to be a favourable season for distress to attract compassion, when

every selfish thought is banished, and the heart dilated with mirth and

social joy; wherefore I got up, and approached those happy people, whom

I soon discovered to be a party of soldiers, with their wives and

children, unbending and diverting themselves at this rate, after the

fatigue of a march. I had never before seen such a parcel of scarecrows

together, neither could I reconcile their meagre and gaunt looks, their

squalid and ragged attire, and every other external symptom of extreme

woe, with this appearance of festivity. I saluted them, however, and

was received with great politeness; after which they formed a ring, and

danced around me. This jollity had a wonderful effect upon my spirits.

I was infected with their gaiety, and in spite of my dismal situation,

forgot my cares, and joined in their extravagance. When we had

recreated ourselves a good while at this diversion, the ladies spread

their manteaus on the ground, upon which they emptied their knapsacks

of some onions, coarse bread, and a few flasks of poor wine: being

invited to a share of the banquet, I sat down with the rest, and, in

the whole course of my life, never made a more comfortable meal. When

our repast was ended, we got up again to dance, and, now that I found

myself refreshed I behaved to the admiration of everybody; I was loaded

with a thousand compliments and professions of friendship: the men

commended my person and agility, and the women were loud in the praise

of my bonne grace; the sergeant in particular expressed so much regard

for me, and described the pleasures of a soldier’s life to me with so

much art, that I began to listen to his proposal of enlisting me in the

service; and the more I considered my own condition, the more I was

convinced of the necessity I was under to come to a speedy

determination.

Having, therefore, maturely weighed the circumstances pro and con I

signified my consent, and was admitted into the regiment of Picardy,

said to be the oldest corps in Europe. The company to which this

commander belonged was quartered at a village not far off, whither we

marched next day, and I was presented to my captain, who seemed very

well pleased with my appearance, gave me a crown to drink, and ordered

me to be accommodated with clothes, arms, and accoutrements. Then I

sold my livery suit, purchased linen, and, as I was at great pains to

learn the exercise, in a very short time became a complete soldier.

It was not long before we received orders to join several more

regiments, and march with all expedition into Germany, in order to

reinforce Mareschal Duc de Noailles, who was then encamped with his

army on the side of the river Mayne, to watch the motions of the

English, Hanoverians, Austrians, and Hessians, under the command of the

Earl of Stair. We began our march accordingly, and then I became

acquainted with that part of a soldier’s life to which I had been

hitherto a stranger. It is impossible to describe the hunger and thirst

I sustained, and the fatigue I underwent in a march of so many hundred

miles; during which, I was so much chafed with the heat and motion of

my limbs, that in a very short time the inside of my thighs and legs

were deprived of skin, and I proceeded in the utmost torture. This

misfortune I owed to the plumpness of my constitution, which I cursed,

and envied the withered condition of my comrades, whose bodies could

not spare juice enough to supply a common issue, and were indeed proof

against all manner of friction. The continual pain I felt made me

fretful, and my peevishness was increased by the mortification of my

pride in seeing those miserable wretches, whom a hard gale of wind

would have scattered through the air like chaff, bear those toils with

alacrity under which I was ready to sink.

One day, while we enjoyed a halt, and the soldiers with their wives had

gone out to dance, according to custom, my comrade stayed at home with

me on pretence of friendship, and insulted me with his pity and

consolation! He told me that, though I was young and tender at present,

I should soon be seasoned to the service; and he did not doubt but I

should have the honour to contribute in some measure to the glory of

the king. “Have courage, therefore, my child,” said he, “and pray to

the good God, that you may be as happy as I am, who have had the honour

of serving Louis the Great, and of receiving many wounds, in helping to

establish his glory.” When I looked upon the contemptible object that

pronounced these words, I was amazed at the infatuation that possessed

him; and could not help expressing my astonishment at the absurdity of

a rational who thinks himself highly honoured, in being permitted to

encounter abject poverty, oppression, famine, disease, mutilation, and

evident death merely to gratify the vicious ambition of a prince, by

whom his sufferings were disregarded, and his name utterly unknown. I

observed that, if his situation were the consequence of compulsion, I

would praise his patience and fortitude in bearing his lot: if he had

taken up arms in defence of his injured country, he was to be applauded

for his patriotism: or if he had fled to this way of life as a refuge

from a greater evil, he was justifiable in his own conscience (though I

could have no notion of misery more extreme than he suffered); but to

put his condition on the footing of conducing to the glory of his

prince, was no more than professing himself a desperate slave, who

voluntarily underwent the utmost wretchedness and peril, and committed

the most flagrant crimes, to soothe the barbarous pride of a

fellow-creature, his superior in nothing but the power he derived from

the submission of such wretches as him. The soldier was very much

affronted at the liberty I took with his king, which, he said, nothing

but my ignorance could excuse: he affirmed that the characters of

princes were sacred, and ought not to be profaned by the censure of

their subjects, who were bound by their allegiance to obey their

commands, of what nature soever, without scruple or repining; and

advised me to correct the rebellious principles I had imbibed among the

English, who, for their insolence to their kings, were notorious all

over the world, even to a proverb.

In vindication of my countrymen, I repeated all the arguments commonly

used to prove that every man has a natural right to liberty; that

allegiance and protection are reciprocal; that, when the mutual tie is

broken by the tyranny of the king, he is accountable to the people for

his breach of contract, and subject to the penalties of the law; and

that those insurrections of the English, which are branded with the

name of rebellion by the slaves of arbitrary power, were no other than

glorious efforts to rescue that independence which was their

birthright, from the ravenous claws of usurping ambition. The

Frenchman, provoked at the little deference I paid to the kingly name,

lost all patience, and reproached me in such a manner that my temper

forsook me, I clenched my fist, with an intention to give him a hearty

box on the ear. Perceiving my design, he started back and demanded a

parley; upon which I checked my indignation, and he gave me to

understand that a Frenchman never forgave a blow; therefore, if I were

not weary of my life, I would do well to spare him that mortification,

and do him the honour of measuring his sword with mine, like a

gentleman. I took his advice and followed him to a field hard by, where

indeed I was ashamed at the pitiful figure of my antagonist, who was a

poor little shivering creature, decrepit with age, and blind of one

eye. But I soon found the folly of judging from appearances; being at

the second pass wounded in the sword hand, and immediately disarmed

with such a jerk, that I thought the joint was dislocated. I was no

less confounded than enraged at this event, especially as my adversary

did not bear his success with all the moderation that might have been

expected; for he insisted upon my asking pardon for affronting his king

and him. This proposal I would by no means comply with, but told him,

it was a mean condescension, which no gentleman in his circumstances

ought to propose, nor any in my situation ought to perform; and that,

if he persisted in his ungenerous demand, I would in my turn claim

satisfaction with my musket, when we should be more upon a par than

with the sword, of which he seemed so much master.