CHAPTER LVII

Miss Williams informs me of Narcissa’s Approbation of my Flame—I

appease the Squire—write to my Mistress—am blessed with an Answer—beg

Leave of her Brother to dance with her at a Ball—obtain his Consent and

hers—enjoy a private Conversation with her—am perplexed with

Reflections—have the Honour of appearing her Partner at a Ball—we are

complimented by a certain Nobleman—he discovers some Symptoms of a

Passion for Narcissa—I am stung with Jealousy—Narcissa, alarmed,

retires—I observe Melinda in the company—the Squire is captivated by

her Beauty

I was met next morning at the usual place by Miss Williams, who gave me

joy of the progress I had made in the affection of her mistress, and

blessed me with an account of that dear creature’s conversation with

her, after she had retired the night before from our company. I could

scarce believe her information, when she recounted her expressions in

my favour, so much more warm and passionate were they than my most

sanguine hopes had presaged; and was particularly pleased to hear that

she approved of my behaviour to her brother after she withdrew.

Transported at the news of my happiness, I presented my ring to the

messenger as a testimony of my gratitude and satisfaction; but she was

above such mercenary considerations, and refused my compliment with

some resentment, saying, she was not a little mortified to see my

opinion of her so low and contemptible. I did myself a piece of justice

by explaining my behaviour on this head, and to convince her of my

esteem, promised to be ruled by her directions in the prosecution of

the whole affair, which I had so much at heart, that the repose of my

life depended upon the consequence.

As I fervently wished for another interview, where I might pour out the

effusion of my love without danger of being interrupted, and perhaps

reap some endearing return from the queen of my desires, I implored her

advice and assistance in promoting this event: but she gave me to

understand, that Narcissa would make no precipitate compliances of this

kind, and I would do well to cultivate her brother’s acquaintance, in

the course of which I should not want opportunities of removing that

reserve which my mistress thought herself obliged to maintain during

the infancy of our correspondence. In the meantime she promised to tell

her lady that I had endeavoured by presents and persuasions, to prevail

upon her (Miss Williams) to deliver a letter from me, which she had

refused to charge herself with, until she should know Narcissa’s

sentiments of the matter; and said, by these means she did not doubt of

being able to open a literary communication between us, which could not

fail of introducing more intimate connections.

I approved of her counsel, and, our appointment being renewed for the

next day, left her with an intent of falling upon some method of being

reconciled to the squire, who, I supposed, would be offended with the

trick we had put upon him. With this view I consulted Freeman, who,

from his knowledge of the foxhunter’s disposition, assured me there was

no other method of pacifying him, than that of sacrificing ourselves

for one night to an equal match with him in drinking. This expedient I

found myself necessitated to comply with for the interest of my

passion, and therefore determined to commit the debauch at my own

lodgings, that I might run no risk of being discovered by Narcissa, in

a state of brutal degeneracy. Mr. Freeman, who was to be of the party,

went, at my desire, to the squire, in order to engage him, while I took

care to furnish myself for his reception. My invitation was accepted,

my guests honoured me with their company in the evening, when Bruin

gave me to understand that he had drunk many tons of wine in his life,

but was never served such a trick as I had played upon him the night

before. I promised to atone for my trespass, and, having ordered to

every man his bottle, began the contest with a bumper to the health of

Narcissa. The toasts circulated with great devotion, the liquor began

to operate, our mirth grew noisy, and, as Freeman said, I had the

advantage of drinking small French claret, the savage was effectually

tamed before our senses were in the least affected, and carried home in

an apoplexy of drunkenness.

I was next morning, as usual, favoured with a visit from my kind and

punctual confidante, who, telling me she was permitted to receive my

letters for her mistress, I took up the pen immediately, and, following

the first dictates of my passion, wrote as follows:

“Dear Madam,

“Were it possible for the powers of utterance to reveal the soft

emotions of my soul, the fond anxiety, the glowing hopes, the

chilling flame, that rule my breast by turns, I should need no

other witness than this paper, to evince the purity and ardour of

that flame your charms have kindled in my heart, But alas!

expression wrongs my love! I am inspired with conceptions that no

language can convey! Your beauty fills me with wonder, your

understanding with ravishment, and your goodness with adoration! I

am transported with desire, distracted with doubts, and tortured

with impatience. Suffer me then, lovely arbitress of my fate, to

approach you in person, to breathe in soft murmurs my passion to

your ear, to offer the sacrifice of a heart overflowing with the

most genuine and disinterested love, to gaze with ecstacy on the

divine object of my wishes, to hear the music of her enchanting

tongue, and to rejoice in her smiles of approbation, which will

banish the most intolerable suspense from the bosom of

“Your enraptured, R— R—.”

Having finished this effusion, I committed it to the care of my

faithful friend, with an injunction to second my entreaty with all her

eloquence and influence, and in the meantime went to dress, with an

intention of visiting Mrs. Snapper and Miss, whom I had utterly

neglected, and indeed almost forgotten, since my dear Narcissa had

resumed the empire of my soul. The old gentlewoman received me very

kindly, and Miss affected a frankness and gaiety which, however, I

could easily perceive was forced and dissembled: among other things,

she pretended to joke me upon my passion for Narcissa, which she

averred was no secret, and asked if I intended to dance with her at the

next assembly. I was a good deal concerned to find myself become the

town talk on this subject, lest the squire, having notice of my

inclinations, should disapprove of them, and, by breaking off all

correspondence with me, deprive me of the opportunities I now enjoyed.

But I resolved to use the interest I had with him, while it lasted; and

that very night, meeting him occasionally, asked his permission to

solicit her company at the ball, which he very readily granted, to my

inexpressible satisfaction.

Having been kept awake the greatest part of the night by a thousand

delightful reveries that took possession of my fancy, I got up by

times, and, flying to the place of rendezvous, had in a little time the

pleasure of seeing Miss Williams approach with a smile on her

countenance, which I interpreted into a good omen. Neither was I

mistaken in my presage. She presented me with a letter from the idol of

my soul, which, after having kissed it devoutly, I opened with the

utmost eagerness, and was blessed with her approbation in these terms:

“Sir,

“To say I look upon you with indifference would be a piece of

dissimulation which I think no decorum requires, and no custom can

justify. As my heart never felt an impression that my tongue was

ashamed to declare, I will not scruple to own myself pleased with

your passion; confident of your integrity, and so well convinced of

my own discretion, that I should not hesitate in granting you the

interview you desire, were I not overawed by the prying curiosity

of a malicious world, the censure of which might be fatally

prejudicial to the reputation of

“Your Narcissa.”

No anchorite in the ecstacy of devotion ever adored a relic with more

fervour than that with which I kissed this inimitable proof of my

charmer’s candour, generosity, and affection! I read it over a hundred

times, was ravished with her confession in the beginning; but the

subscription of Your Narcissa yielded me such delight as I had never

felt before! My happiness was still increased by Miss Williams, who

blessed me with a repetition of her lady’s tender expressions in my

favour, when she received and read my letter. In short, I had all the

reason in the world to believe that this gentle creature’s bosom was

possessed by a passion for me, as warm, though perhaps not so impetuous

as mine for her.

I informed my friend of the squire’s consent to my dancing with

Narcissa at the ball and desired her to tell her mistress, that I would

do myself the honour of visiting her in the afternoon, in consequence

of his permission, when I hoped to find her as indulgent as her brother

had been complaisant in that particular. Miss Williams expressed a good

deal of joy at hearing I was so much in favour with the foxhunter, and

ventured to assure me, that my visit would be very agreeable to my

mistress, the rather because Bruin was engaged to dine abroad. This was

a circumstance which, I scarce need say, pleased me. I went immediately

to the Long Room, where I found him, and, affecting to know nothing of

his engagement, told him, I would do myself the pleasure to wait upon

him in the afternoon, and to present his sister with a ticket for the

ball. He shook me by the hand, according to custom, and, giving me to

understand that he was to dine abroad, desired me to go and drink tea

with Narcissa notwithstanding, and promised to prepare her for my visit

in the meantime.

Everything succeeding thus to my wish, I waited with incredible

impatience for the time, which no sooner arrived than I hastened to the

scene, which my fancy had preoccupied long before. I was introduced

accordingly to the dear enchantress, whom I found accompanied by Miss

Williams, who, on pretence of ordering tea, retired at my approach.

This favourable accident, which alarmed my whole soul, disordered her

also. I found myself actuated by an irresistible impulse; I advanced to

her with eagerness and awe; and, profiting by the confusion that

prevailed over her, clasped the fair angel in my arms, and imprinted a

glowing kiss upon her lips, more soft and fragrant than the dewy

rosebud just bursting from the stem! Her face was in an instant covered

with blushes, her eyes sparkled with resentment; I threw myself at her

feet, and implored her pardon. Her love became advocate in my cause;

her look softened into forgiveness; she raised me up, and chid me with

so much sweetness of displeasure that I could have been tempted to

repeat the offence, had not the coming in of the servant with the

tea-board prevented my presumption. While we were subject to be

interrupted or overheard, we conversed about the approaching ball, at

which she promised to grace me as a partner, but, when the equipage was

removed, and we were left alone, I resumed the more interesting theme,

and expressed myself with such transport and agitation, that my

mistress, fearing I should commit some extravagance, rang the bell for

her maid, whom she detained in the room, as a check upon my vivacity. I

was not sorry for this precaution, because I could unbosom myself

without reserve before Miss Williams, who was the confidante of us

both. I therefore gave a loose to the inspirations of my passion, which

operated so successfully upon the tender affections of Narcissa, that

she laid aside the constraint she had hitherto worn, and blessed me

with the most melting declaration of her mutual flame! It was

impossible for me to forbear taking the advantage of this endearing

condescension. She now gently yielded to my embraces; while I,

encircling all that I held dear within my arms, tasted in advance the

joys of that paradise I hoped in a little time wholly to possess! We

spent the afternoon in all the ecstacy of hope that the most fervent

love exchanged by mutual vows could inspire; and Miss Williams was so

much affected with our chaste caresses, which recalled the sad

remembrance of what she was, that her eyes were filled with tears.

The evening being pretty far advanced, I forced myself from the dear

object of my flame, who indulged me in a tender embrace at parting,

and, repairing to my lodgings, communicated to my friend Strap every

circumstance of my happiness, which filled him with so much pleasure,

that it ran over at his eyes; and he prayed heartily, that no envious

devil might, as formerly, dash the cup of blessing from my lip. When I

reflected on what had happened, and especially on the unreserved

protestations of Narcissa’s love, I could not help being amazed at her

omitting to inquire into the particular circumstances of life and

fortune of one whom she had favoured with her affection, and I began to

be a little anxious about the situation of her finances; well knowing

that I should do an irreparable injury to the person my soul held most

dear, if I should espouse her without being able to support her in the

rank which was certainly her due. I had heard, indeed, while I served

her aunt, that her father had left her a considerable sum; and that

everybody believed she would inherit the greatest part of her

kinswoman’s dowry, but I did not know how far she might be restricted

by the old gentleman’s will in the enjoyment of what he left her: and I

was too well informed of the virtuoso’s late conduct, to think my

mistress could have any expectation from that quarter. I confided,

however, in the good sense and policy of my charmer, who, I was sure,

would not consent to unite her fate with mine, before she had fully

considered and provided for the consequence.

The ball night being arrived, I dressed myself in a suit I had reserved

for some grand occasion; and, having drunk tea with Narcissa and her

brother, conducted my angel to the scene, where she, in a moment,

eclipsed all her female competitors for beauty, and attracted the

admiration of the whole assembly. My heart dilated with pride on this

occasion, and my triumph rejected all bounds, when, after we had danced

together, a certain nobleman, remarkable for his figure, and influence

in the beau monde, came up, and in the hearing of all present, honoured

us with a very particular compliment upon our accomplishments and

appearance; but this transport was soon checked, when I perceived his

lordship attach himself with great assiduity to my mistress, and say

some warm things, which, I thought, savoured too much of passion. It

was then I began to feel the pangs of jealousy; I dreaded the power and

address of my rival; I sickened at his discourse; when she opened her

lips to answer, my heart died within me; when she smiled, I felt the

pains of the damned! I was enraged at his presumption: I cursed her

complaisance: at length he quitted her, and went to the other side of

the room. Narcissa, suspecting nothing of the rage that inflamed me,

put some questions to me as soon as he was gone, to which I made no

reply, but assumed a grim look, which too well denoted the agitation of

my breast, and surprised her not a little. She no sooner observed my

emotion than she changed colour, and asked what ailed me? but before I

could make answer, her brother, pulling me by the sleeve, bade me take

notice of a lady who sat fronting us, whom I immediately, to my vast

astonishment, distinguished to be Melinda, accompanied by her mother,

and an elderly gentleman, whom I did not know. “Wounds! Mr. Randan,”

cried the squire, “is she not a delicate piece of stuff? ’Sdeath! I

have a good mind—if I thought she was a single person.”

Notwithstanding the perplexity I was in, I had reflection enough to

foresee that my passion might suffer greatly by the presence of this

lady, who, in all probability, would revenge herself upon me, for

having formerly disgraced her, by spreading reports to my prejudice. I

was therefore alarmed at these symptoms of the Squire’s admiration; and

for some time did not know what reply to make, when he asked my opinion

of her beauty; at length I came to a determination, and told him that

her name was Melinda, that she had a fortune of ten thousand pounds,

and was said to be under promise of marriage to a certain lord, who

deferred his nuptials a few months, until he should be of age. I

thought this piece of intelligence, which I had myself invented, would

have hindered him effectually from entertaining any further thoughts of

her; but I was egregiously mistaken. The foxhunter had too much

self-sufficiency to despair of success against any competitor on earth.

He therefore made light of her engagement, saying, with a smile of

self-approbation, “Mayhap she will change her mind; what signifies his

being a lord? I think myself as good a man as e’er a lord in

Christendom, and I’ll see if a commoner worth three thousand a year

won’t serve her turn.” This determination startled me not a little; I

knew he would soon discover the contrary of what I advanced; and as I

believed he would find her ear open to his addresses, did not doubt of

meeting with every obstacle in my amour that her malice could invent,

and her influence execute. This reflection increased my chagrin—my

vexation was evident. Narcissa insisted on going home immediately: and,

as I led her to the door, her noble admirer, with a look full of

languishment, directed to her a profound bow, which stung me to the

soul. Before she went into the chair, she asked, with an appearance of

concern, what was the matter with me? and I could pronounce no more

than “By heaven, I am distracted!”